DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who constantly talks about all the negative politics going on today. I'm sick of hearing it. It's not because I don't care or disagree, but it has become the topic of every conversation. She's extremely depressed, has major anxiety issues and, despite seeing a therapist, her condition has not only not improved, but has gotten worse.

I feel it has become a one-way conversation, and she's not interested in listening to me. This is extremely upsetting because my husband passed away two years ago, and she doesn't want to hear about it. She thinks it is less important since it "only affects me," and I "should have gotten over it by now." My husband and I were married 30 years, and his death was sudden and unexpected. Please help me get through this difficult time. -- OVERWHELMED IN IOWA

DEAR OVERWHELMED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. Because you are still grieving, and your friend is unable to help you cope with your sadness, it might help you to join a grief support group in which you can air those feelings with others who understand.

As to your friendship with the troubled individual you wrote about, it might be healthier for you to step back for a time. You are not equipped to handle -- or help her handle -- her anxiety and depression. That's her therapist's job, and unless you can pry her off the topic of politics and on to something more neutral, your time would be better spent with people who are better balanced.

DEAR ABBY: I have one sister, who is 10 years my junior. I have always lived in a big city; she lives on a ranch near a small town. I'm widowed now and recently moved to another town to be near my son.

On two occasions my sister has come to help me with unpacking and has overruled many of my decisions regarding what I will keep or sell, where to put things, etc. When I objected, she became emotional and left in a huff.

She and her husband were coming to help again, but beforehand she had already told my son how they were planning to get things done. Any time there's even a hint of a problem, she calls my son and tells him about it, and obviously, only from her point of view.

I'm afraid irreparable damage has been done to our relationship, and I don't know what to do. I have no other relatives. Please advise. -- BROKENHEARTED IN TEXAS

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: I'm sorry you are brokenhearted, but with time your broken heart will heal. From your description of her, your sister appears to be overbearing and loose-lipped. Unless you are willing to live according to her rules, what you should do is hire someone to help you unpack and begin cultivating relationships outside the family that are less high-maintenance than the one you have with your sister. If you do, I'm sure you will be much happier.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 20s and the only one in my circle of friends who's currently in college. They all want to hang out all the time, but most of them live more than 100 miles away. I have a strict school schedule, and I'm required to study and earn high grades or I will be let go from my university.

I don't like feeling like I'm being a jerk telling my friends I can't make it to certain events. How can I explain to them that I can't drive there every weekend to hang out? Sometimes I wonder if we're growing apart because they aren't doing the same things I'm doing. Is there something wrong with me because I'm still holding on? How can I explain to them that we can't be as close as we were? If you could help me figure out how to explain my situation without feeling guilty, it'd be great. -- BUSY IN CANADA

DEAR BUSY: There is nothing wrong with you. Relationships do not always stay static. Most of them ebb and flow as yours are, so please stop flogging yourself for making mature choices.

Being able to prioritize is a skill you should be proud of. You don't need to make any grand speeches to your old friends about why you see them less often. Just continue explaining that for now your education must take precedence over your social life because if it doesn't, you may not be able to earn your degree. If your old friends are really friends, they'll understand.

P.S. Look at the bright side. If you aren't spending chunks of your weekends driving back to your hometown, you will have more time to develop new friendships at school, some of which may last a lifetime.

DEAR ABBY: May I offer a suggestion to pet owners who hire pet sitters during the holidays? If you are happy with their services, consider giving them a tip.

Every year I am astounded at the number of clients who don't give me a gratuity on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Many -- if not most -- tell me how pleased they are with my services, but surprisingly few do anything more than that. I confess, it makes me feel underappreciated.

Often, when I ask friends if they tip their sitters, they say it never occurred to them! So if you have a reliable sitter and you're happy with his or her work, please give them a little bit extra for working on the holidays when most of us relax and celebrate with our families. -- CAT SITTER IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR SITTER: Tipping at holiday time can be stressful, and not everyone considers an independent contractor someone to whom they need to give extra money. (Would you be comfortable getting a fruitcake instead?) While I'm pleased to put the word out for you, because you feel you aren't being properly compensated, perhaps you should consider raising your fees in November and December.

DEAR ABBY: My father began dating four years after my mother passed away from a terrible bout with cancer. He and I have always been close; in fact, I have always considered him to be one of my best friends. But since he started dating he has changed.

I just traveled across the country for a family funeral and discovered that he has a new love in his life, and that he flew her out to see all of our extended family. My dying grandmother got to meet her, but I didn't even know her name! When I expressed to him that I felt he had cut me out entirely, it made him angry.

Apparently, he and this woman have been dating for almost a year. I had always imagined that when Dad met someone, his kids would be the first people he would want to call and share with. It has been a bitter pill to swallow knowing that my father would so brazenly disregard his daughter.

He told me he didn't know why he had cut me out and ignored me. But we can't seem to get over it. We have gone from calling and texting daily to not speaking in months. What was an easy parent/child relationship is now awkward and uncomfortable, and I'm at a loss about how to fix it. -- ABANDONED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABANDONED: Having never met your father, it's hard to guess why he would behave the way he has. That you could have communicated almost daily and have no clue about what was going on makes it obvious that it was no oversight. Not all "children" are accepting of a new woman in a father's life, even if he has been widowed for a long time. It's possible you were kept in the dark because he was afraid of how you would react.

No one can blame you for feeling the way you do. Your father mishandled this, and I am sorry for your pain. A step toward fixing this would be to try to forgive him, and to move forward by telling him you want him to be happy.

DEAR ABBY: When I am in a frenzy preparing to host a party and one of the guests calls a few minutes before arrival time to say they are going to be late, I get really annoyed. I think, please just be late and don't bother me when I'm putting the finishing touches on everything or welcoming other guests.

I assume these individuals are trying to be considerate, and if they were the only guest coming, I agree they should call. But if they are one of many, it's a distraction to have to answer the phone and listen to their excuse. Am I wrong? I don't know if I'm the only one who gets annoyed when this happens. Am I being ungrateful when someone is trying to be considerate? -- FRENZIED IN GEORGIA

DEAR FRENZIED: I think so. Your guest is trying to be polite and is afraid that you will worry. (Fat chance!) This isn't an unusual occurrence, but a charming host will not reveal annoyance. It takes only a second to reply, "We'll see you when you get here!" and get off the phone.