DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 20s and the only one in my circle of friends who's currently in college. They all want to hang out all the time, but most of them live more than 100 miles away. I have a strict school schedule, and I'm required to study and earn high grades or I will be let go from my university.

I don't like feeling like I'm being a jerk telling my friends I can't make it to certain events. How can I explain to them that I can't drive there every weekend to hang out? Sometimes I wonder if we're growing apart because they aren't doing the same things I'm doing. Is there something wrong with me because I'm still holding on? How can I explain to them that we can't be as close as we were? If you could help me figure out how to explain my situation without feeling guilty, it'd be great. -- BUSY IN CANADA

DEAR BUSY: There is nothing wrong with you. Relationships do not always stay static. Most of them ebb and flow as yours are, so please stop flogging yourself for making mature choices.

Being able to prioritize is a skill you should be proud of. You don't need to make any grand speeches to your old friends about why you see them less often. Just continue explaining that for now your education must take precedence over your social life because if it doesn't, you may not be able to earn your degree. If your old friends are really friends, they'll understand.

P.S. Look at the bright side. If you aren't spending chunks of your weekends driving back to your hometown, you will have more time to develop new friendships at school, some of which may last a lifetime.

DEAR ABBY: May I offer a suggestion to pet owners who hire pet sitters during the holidays? If you are happy with their services, consider giving them a tip.

Every year I am astounded at the number of clients who don't give me a gratuity on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Many -- if not most -- tell me how pleased they are with my services, but surprisingly few do anything more than that. I confess, it makes me feel underappreciated.

Often, when I ask friends if they tip their sitters, they say it never occurred to them! So if you have a reliable sitter and you're happy with his or her work, please give them a little bit extra for working on the holidays when most of us relax and celebrate with our families. -- CAT SITTER IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR SITTER: Tipping at holiday time can be stressful, and not everyone considers an independent contractor someone to whom they need to give extra money. (Would you be comfortable getting a fruitcake instead?) While I'm pleased to put the word out for you, because you feel you aren't being properly compensated, perhaps you should consider raising your fees in November and December.

DEAR ABBY: My father began dating four years after my mother passed away from a terrible bout with cancer. He and I have always been close; in fact, I have always considered him to be one of my best friends. But since he started dating he has changed.

I just traveled across the country for a family funeral and discovered that he has a new love in his life, and that he flew her out to see all of our extended family. My dying grandmother got to meet her, but I didn't even know her name! When I expressed to him that I felt he had cut me out entirely, it made him angry.

Apparently, he and this woman have been dating for almost a year. I had always imagined that when Dad met someone, his kids would be the first people he would want to call and share with. It has been a bitter pill to swallow knowing that my father would so brazenly disregard his daughter.

He told me he didn't know why he had cut me out and ignored me. But we can't seem to get over it. We have gone from calling and texting daily to not speaking in months. What was an easy parent/child relationship is now awkward and uncomfortable, and I'm at a loss about how to fix it. -- ABANDONED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABANDONED: Having never met your father, it's hard to guess why he would behave the way he has. That you could have communicated almost daily and have no clue about what was going on makes it obvious that it was no oversight. Not all "children" are accepting of a new woman in a father's life, even if he has been widowed for a long time. It's possible you were kept in the dark because he was afraid of how you would react.

No one can blame you for feeling the way you do. Your father mishandled this, and I am sorry for your pain. A step toward fixing this would be to try to forgive him, and to move forward by telling him you want him to be happy.

DEAR ABBY: When I am in a frenzy preparing to host a party and one of the guests calls a few minutes before arrival time to say they are going to be late, I get really annoyed. I think, please just be late and don't bother me when I'm putting the finishing touches on everything or welcoming other guests.

I assume these individuals are trying to be considerate, and if they were the only guest coming, I agree they should call. But if they are one of many, it's a distraction to have to answer the phone and listen to their excuse. Am I wrong? I don't know if I'm the only one who gets annoyed when this happens. Am I being ungrateful when someone is trying to be considerate? -- FRENZIED IN GEORGIA

DEAR FRENZIED: I think so. Your guest is trying to be polite and is afraid that you will worry. (Fat chance!) This isn't an unusual occurrence, but a charming host will not reveal annoyance. It takes only a second to reply, "We'll see you when you get here!" and get off the phone.

DEAR ABBY: I must take issue with your response to "Tired of Behinds" (Sept. 5), who was upset that her fiance is part of a men's group chat that includes the sending and receiving of pornographic female images.

While "boys will be boys" has been the reigning excuse for male misbehavior for years -- nay, centuries! -- times are changing. "Tired" has every right to demand that her fiance behave respectfully toward women, both publicly and in private. He may not be able to change his friends' behavior, but he has control over his own and could demonstrate that he's not a boy, but a man who respects women for who they are, not their looks or perceived sexual value. Would he want others to look at his sister, his mother, his daughter or her that way? I doubt it.

Excusing "boys" for their misogyny only perpetuates our sexual assault culture. "Tired" should take a long look at her fiance's behavior and decide whether or not he is the kind of man she wants to share her life with. -- WANTS A BETTER WORLD FOR MY DAUGHTER

DEAR WANTS: Most, but not all, of the many women -- and men -- who commented on that letter agree with you. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your response supported the idea that for men to bond and feel like "real men," they need to advertise to each other their sexual interest in women other than their spouses, and women need to tolerate it. The practice is hurtful and disrespectful. How can a woman feel like her fiance's friends care about her welfare if they're sending naked photos of other women to him? It seems women's feelings don't matter at all in this bonding ritual. Furthermore, the men don't have to touch these other women to have a "sexual experience" with them. -- TIRED OF "BOYS" IN TUCSON

DEAR ABBY: I do not agree with you that what these men are doing is the equivalent of "old-time barbershop talk." What's being shared digitally today isn't at all like the magazines and chat from even 20 years ago. It's far more graphic and less woman-friendly.

You are right that "Tired" will not change her fiance. That's why she should leave now and avoid the future heartbreak that could be waiting. There's always a victim when it comes to porn. Just because the sharing is within a closed group doesn't mean some women weren't victimized. Or that some men won't become addicted. -- SAD ABOUT THIS IN THE WEST

DEAR ABBY: Speaking as a man who has been part of multiple "men's groups," as well as happily married for many years, I find "Tired's" fiance's chat group to be inappropriate, just as she does -- particularly the group icon picture. I respect women as people, not physical/sexual objects. He should speak up out of respect for women. Doing so could influence one or more of his friends to rethink their position. -- WILLIAM IN OREGON

DEAR ABBY: These are private conversations between adult men. Sexuality makes the world go 'round. Yes, women deserve respect and not to be sexually harassed. But we shouldn't have to totally remove sexuality from the equation. Women chat about men and look at images just like we do. It's just less talked about. -- MR. B. IN HOUSTON

DEAR ABBY: If these are solicited photos, as the writer suggests, privately sent and then shared in a group, it is illegal in most states. You cannot share nude photos of someone without her/his expressed consent. Perhaps "Tired" should inform her fiance of that! -- EMILY IN MICHIGAN