DEAR ABBY: My father began dating four years after my mother passed away from a terrible bout with cancer. He and I have always been close; in fact, I have always considered him to be one of my best friends. But since he started dating he has changed.

I just traveled across the country for a family funeral and discovered that he has a new love in his life, and that he flew her out to see all of our extended family. My dying grandmother got to meet her, but I didn't even know her name! When I expressed to him that I felt he had cut me out entirely, it made him angry.

Apparently, he and this woman have been dating for almost a year. I had always imagined that when Dad met someone, his kids would be the first people he would want to call and share with. It has been a bitter pill to swallow knowing that my father would so brazenly disregard his daughter.

He told me he didn't know why he had cut me out and ignored me. But we can't seem to get over it. We have gone from calling and texting daily to not speaking in months. What was an easy parent/child relationship is now awkward and uncomfortable, and I'm at a loss about how to fix it. -- ABANDONED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABANDONED: Having never met your father, it's hard to guess why he would behave the way he has. That you could have communicated almost daily and have no clue about what was going on makes it obvious that it was no oversight. Not all "children" are accepting of a new woman in a father's life, even if he has been widowed for a long time. It's possible you were kept in the dark because he was afraid of how you would react.

No one can blame you for feeling the way you do. Your father mishandled this, and I am sorry for your pain. A step toward fixing this would be to try to forgive him, and to move forward by telling him you want him to be happy.

DEAR ABBY: When I am in a frenzy preparing to host a party and one of the guests calls a few minutes before arrival time to say they are going to be late, I get really annoyed. I think, please just be late and don't bother me when I'm putting the finishing touches on everything or welcoming other guests.

I assume these individuals are trying to be considerate, and if they were the only guest coming, I agree they should call. But if they are one of many, it's a distraction to have to answer the phone and listen to their excuse. Am I wrong? I don't know if I'm the only one who gets annoyed when this happens. Am I being ungrateful when someone is trying to be considerate? -- FRENZIED IN GEORGIA

DEAR FRENZIED: I think so. Your guest is trying to be polite and is afraid that you will worry. (Fat chance!) This isn't an unusual occurrence, but a charming host will not reveal annoyance. It takes only a second to reply, "We'll see you when you get here!" and get off the phone.

DEAR ABBY: I must take issue with your response to "Tired of Behinds" (Sept. 5), who was upset that her fiance is part of a men's group chat that includes the sending and receiving of pornographic female images.

While "boys will be boys" has been the reigning excuse for male misbehavior for years -- nay, centuries! -- times are changing. "Tired" has every right to demand that her fiance behave respectfully toward women, both publicly and in private. He may not be able to change his friends' behavior, but he has control over his own and could demonstrate that he's not a boy, but a man who respects women for who they are, not their looks or perceived sexual value. Would he want others to look at his sister, his mother, his daughter or her that way? I doubt it.

Excusing "boys" for their misogyny only perpetuates our sexual assault culture. "Tired" should take a long look at her fiance's behavior and decide whether or not he is the kind of man she wants to share her life with. -- WANTS A BETTER WORLD FOR MY DAUGHTER

DEAR WANTS: Most, but not all, of the many women -- and men -- who commented on that letter agree with you. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your response supported the idea that for men to bond and feel like "real men," they need to advertise to each other their sexual interest in women other than their spouses, and women need to tolerate it. The practice is hurtful and disrespectful. How can a woman feel like her fiance's friends care about her welfare if they're sending naked photos of other women to him? It seems women's feelings don't matter at all in this bonding ritual. Furthermore, the men don't have to touch these other women to have a "sexual experience" with them. -- TIRED OF "BOYS" IN TUCSON

DEAR ABBY: I do not agree with you that what these men are doing is the equivalent of "old-time barbershop talk." What's being shared digitally today isn't at all like the magazines and chat from even 20 years ago. It's far more graphic and less woman-friendly.

You are right that "Tired" will not change her fiance. That's why she should leave now and avoid the future heartbreak that could be waiting. There's always a victim when it comes to porn. Just because the sharing is within a closed group doesn't mean some women weren't victimized. Or that some men won't become addicted. -- SAD ABOUT THIS IN THE WEST

DEAR ABBY: Speaking as a man who has been part of multiple "men's groups," as well as happily married for many years, I find "Tired's" fiance's chat group to be inappropriate, just as she does -- particularly the group icon picture. I respect women as people, not physical/sexual objects. He should speak up out of respect for women. Doing so could influence one or more of his friends to rethink their position. -- WILLIAM IN OREGON

DEAR ABBY: These are private conversations between adult men. Sexuality makes the world go 'round. Yes, women deserve respect and not to be sexually harassed. But we shouldn't have to totally remove sexuality from the equation. Women chat about men and look at images just like we do. It's just less talked about. -- MR. B. IN HOUSTON

DEAR ABBY: If these are solicited photos, as the writer suggests, privately sent and then shared in a group, it is illegal in most states. You cannot share nude photos of someone without her/his expressed consent. Perhaps "Tired" should inform her fiance of that! -- EMILY IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: The 14-year-old son of a friend of mine is having self-esteem issues and apparently is going through a very rough patch. Our family likes to participate in charity races. My boy, 13, is a talented athlete who, according to my friend, is an "overachiever."

My friend signed her family up for the same race as our family, then called me afterward to tell me she was having anxiety issues about us being there and asked me to forgo the race. (We had already paid for four registrations.) She said she could see my child taking off, winning the race and boasting to the point where her child would feel like a loser and have more self-esteem issues.

Abby, although our children hung out together when they were toddlers, they haven't in years. I tried to be sympathetic, but told her we had been planning to compete in this race as a family for some time, and I didn't think it would be right to pull my child out of something he loves to do. She got very upset, said some horrible things to me and ended our friendship. Was I wrong not to agree to do as she asked for the sake of her child? -- ROUGH PATCH IN THE WEST

DEAR ROUGH PATCH: I don't think you were wrong. While I sympathize with your former friend, what she suggested was not helpful for her child, who might benefit more from some sessions with a therapist than a helicopter mom trying to cushion life for him.

However, if there's any truth to your friend's inference that your son is not a gracious winner, monitor his behavior to make sure he doesn't come across as a braggart. If you do, you'll be doing him a favor.

DEAR ABBY: When I was a teenager, I met a guy I'll call "Jordan" at a college summer program and fell head over heels in love with him. But the program lasted only five weeks, and we lived hours apart. We decided from the beginning that we wouldn't attempt a long-distance relationship and would simply enjoy the time we had together.

That fall, my senior year, I visited Boston to look at colleges. I had made plans to see him, but he blew me off. Because I never got closure, I was not able to let him go emotionally.

During my sophomore year of college, Jordan contacted me and asked if we could meet. I refused because I had just met someone else, and didn't want to jeopardize my new relationship. I was with that guy for five years and almost married him. (Our breakup had nothing to do with Jordan.)

It is nearly a decade later, and I have met someone I could fall in love with. But it seems that I'm still not completely over Jordan. Should I reach out to him and try to get the closure I need? -- LEFT HANGING ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR LEFT HANGING: Yes. After all these years, it's time. And when you do, tell him the greatest gift he could give you would be the gift of closure. If he's a gentleman, he will agree. And when you get it, move forward and don't look back.