DEAR ABBY: I am ashamed to admit this, but years ago I had an affair with a married man. His wife had no idea, but all of his friends knew about it. She recently left him because she met someone else, and he's not only bad-mouthing her, but also using it against her in their divorce.

Would it be wrong of me to help her by letting her know he was a big cheater? I don't want to cause her any more hurt than she's already experiencing. I no longer have any interest in him, but I think the information might help her. I genuinely feel for her. -- KARMA OUT EAST

DEAR KARMA: I genuinely feel for her, too. By all means volunteer the information. And when you do, do NOT do it anonymously because if you do, her almost-ex can claim the information isn't credible.

DEAR ABBY: With the holidays approaching, I want to share with you the solution to a holiday problem. When our kids grew up and started their own families, I had read many letters from young couples caught in the middle of a battle over where to spend Christmas. So I decided to start a new family tradition. We celebrated Christmas at Thanksgiving. We put up the tree and had all the family presents wrapped and ready to exchange underneath.

It was a win-win! We got to share Christmas with family, watch our grandkids open their presents and enjoyed the holiday turkey with all the trimmings. The grandkids got two Christmases, and our kids enjoyed a guilt-free Christmas with their in-laws.

As for us -- we spent Christmas with other people who, for whatever reason, couldn't spend it with family. It worked for years, and my children now continue the tradition. -- HAPPY HOLIDAYS WITHOUT CONFLICT

DEAR H.H.: You came up with an excellent solution. Thinking outside the box is a trait that can be extremely helpful in ensuring the success of the holiday celebrations.

For many reasons, not everyone celebrates the holidays on their designated calendar days, and that includes Thanksgiving. If more families took a page out of your book, it could eliminate much of the holiday stress regular readers of my column suffer. Thank you for taking the time to write.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy going to movies, especially to the theater in town where I can reserve my seat ahead of time. I recently reserved my seat two days in advance to a movie I had been wanting to see. When I arrived at the theater, a woman was sitting in my seat. I politely pointed out to her that she was in my seat, and she glared at me and said rudely, "Really?"

Granted, the row was empty at the time, but it was still early. I knew more people would show up, and I didn't want to take someone else's seat. So I replied, "Yes, really. I reserved this seat days ago." Was I right asking her to move? More people did show up, and the theater was full. -- MY SEAT IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR MY SEAT: Yes, you were right. And if the woman had refused to move, you should have asked an usher to "clarify" your seat assignment for her and ensure she complied.

DEAR ABBY: I had bariatric surgery (gastric sleeve) five months ago. I left my previous job because the way I was treated by my employer and co-workers changed drastically after my procedure.

I am starting a new job soon and do not want to tell my new employer or co-workers that I have had this operation. People always treat you differently once they know. I don't know anyone at the new job, and I prefer to keep this part of my life private.

My boyfriend thinks I should tell at least HR, in case any medical issues arise while at work because then they would be able to inform medical personnel. I don't think they need to know. What do you think, Abby? -- TREATED DIFFERENTLY

DEAR TREATED DIFFERENTLY: Your medical history is your own business. After five months you should have healed from your surgery. I'm not sure what kind of complications your boyfriend is worried about, but if you experience any, the time to report it to HR will be when they occur.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a young woman who, for years, went to my aunt and uncle's house for Thanksgiving. Every year, my aunt has made the turkey and the sides, and my uncle has done the cleanup. I appreciate their hosting every year, but I'd like to find a way to be able to help.

I have offered to clean, but my uncle insists I enjoy myself. I've brought dessert, but my aunt bakes a wonderful cake every year. I've tried to help in the kitchen, but she gently tells me to have fun. I've brought wine in previous years, but a family member struggles with drinking, so out of respect for him, I won't continue that.

I have had a lot of health issues over the years and lifelong disabilities, so it has taken me a long time to become independent. I now have my first full-time job. What's a way I could give to my family? -- THANKFUL IN FLORIDA

DEAR THANKFUL: A way to do that would be to bring your hosts a lovely flowering plant when you arrive, or alternatively, send a lovely bouquet afterward with a note of thanks. And of course, you could also offer to take them out for a meal post-holiday.

DEAR ABBY: Our 9-year-old son makes perfect grades in school. His friends all have cellphones, and I believe he should get one also. My husband disagrees and thinks he should be a teenager first and learn more responsibility. With times changing so quickly and kids getting phones at 6 and 7 years old, am I wrong or is my husband old-fashioned in his approach? -- OLD-FASHIONED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: Parents teach their children to be responsible by placing some responsibility on their shoulders. In the current landscape, it's a good idea for a child to have the ability to communicate with a parent in case of an emergency. You and your husband could give your son a flip phone so he can do that if necessary.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I love each other very much and have been living together with our children for five years. We intend to get married soon. Here is the rub: She's "old school." She believes she should receive a diamond ring as part of the marriage proposal.

I would marry her tomorrow, but I don't believe in spending thousands of dollars on a piece of carbon. I understand that somehow she equates her value/social status with the size of her wedding ring ("I deserve a nice ring"), but I don't agree. I think the expense is unwarranted and, quite frankly, as the person paying for most of it, unfair.

She has offered to chip in and even buy one from a used wedding site, but I'd rather spend that money on something we could both enjoy or at least on something more practical that she can enjoy. I can find the money to buy the ring, but in my heart, I don't see the value or buy into the fantasy the diamond industry has put into some women's heads.

What do I do? Cave in and give her what she wants because I love her? Or push for a compromise, which will definitely be an uphill battle and potentially spoil what is supposed to be a special thing in our lives? -- HUNG UP ON THE RING IN RENO

DEAR HUNG UP: I'm glad you asked. Give her the ring. It will be cheaper in the long run. Trust me on that. And in the future, when she asks what you would like for a gift, tell her your fantasy is that she'll make a comparable down payment on your next car. That way, she can make your dream come true.

DEAR ABBY: My father and his wife are retired and live across the country from us. Dad is hard of hearing and doesn't like to use the phone, even with hearing aids. He also won't text, so we mostly communicate by email.

The challenge is that he and his wife share an email account. She reads every message I send to Dad and often replies without telling him, so I'm never sure if he receives them or not. Also, if we're discussing something sensitive -- like finances or issues with my siblings -- she'll weigh in when it's not really her business. In one case, she posted parts of our discussion on her social media!

I have talked to Dad about this. He says married couples don't have secrets. I suspect he may not want his wife to be able to communicate privately with other people (she's much younger than he is) and prefers the shared email for this reason. Is it unreasonable for me to want a direct line of communication with my father, or must I save up private conversations for the one time a year we are able to visit in person? -- DISTRESSED DAUGHTER IN IDAHO

DEAR DAUGHTER: I'm sorry I can't wave a magic wand and change your father. What's going on should not be blamed on his wife. Because he has made plain to you that he sees no reason for privacy and wants her to be privy to your conversations, saving up those private chats until they are "in person" is exactly what you are going to have to do.

DEAR VETERANS: I salute your service to our country. My thanks to each of you, as well as to the brave men and women still on active duty, some of whom are in harm's way. You personify patriotism and self-sacrifice with your dedication. I also would like to acknowledge your families for the sacrifices they, too, have made and continue to make every day. -- Love, ABBY