DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I love each other very much and have been living together with our children for five years. We intend to get married soon. Here is the rub: She's "old school." She believes she should receive a diamond ring as part of the marriage proposal.

I would marry her tomorrow, but I don't believe in spending thousands of dollars on a piece of carbon. I understand that somehow she equates her value/social status with the size of her wedding ring ("I deserve a nice ring"), but I don't agree. I think the expense is unwarranted and, quite frankly, as the person paying for most of it, unfair.

She has offered to chip in and even buy one from a used wedding site, but I'd rather spend that money on something we could both enjoy or at least on something more practical that she can enjoy. I can find the money to buy the ring, but in my heart, I don't see the value or buy into the fantasy the diamond industry has put into some women's heads.

What do I do? Cave in and give her what she wants because I love her? Or push for a compromise, which will definitely be an uphill battle and potentially spoil what is supposed to be a special thing in our lives? -- HUNG UP ON THE RING IN RENO

DEAR HUNG UP: I'm glad you asked. Give her the ring. It will be cheaper in the long run. Trust me on that. And in the future, when she asks what you would like for a gift, tell her your fantasy is that she'll make a comparable down payment on your next car. That way, she can make your dream come true.

DEAR ABBY: My father and his wife are retired and live across the country from us. Dad is hard of hearing and doesn't like to use the phone, even with hearing aids. He also won't text, so we mostly communicate by email.

The challenge is that he and his wife share an email account. She reads every message I send to Dad and often replies without telling him, so I'm never sure if he receives them or not. Also, if we're discussing something sensitive -- like finances or issues with my siblings -- she'll weigh in when it's not really her business. In one case, she posted parts of our discussion on her social media!

I have talked to Dad about this. He says married couples don't have secrets. I suspect he may not want his wife to be able to communicate privately with other people (she's much younger than he is) and prefers the shared email for this reason. Is it unreasonable for me to want a direct line of communication with my father, or must I save up private conversations for the one time a year we are able to visit in person? -- DISTRESSED DAUGHTER IN IDAHO

DEAR DAUGHTER: I'm sorry I can't wave a magic wand and change your father. What's going on should not be blamed on his wife. Because he has made plain to you that he sees no reason for privacy and wants her to be privy to your conversations, saving up those private chats until they are "in person" is exactly what you are going to have to do.

DEAR VETERANS: I salute your service to our country. My thanks to each of you, as well as to the brave men and women still on active duty, some of whom are in harm's way. You personify patriotism and self-sacrifice with your dedication. I also would like to acknowledge your families for the sacrifices they, too, have made and continue to make every day. -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl and a sophomore in high school. Last year I went to school across the country. While I was there, I became best friends with this girl, "Amelia." We did everything together, and Amelia even flew back here to visit my family when school ended and I had to go home.

It has now been a few months since I've seen her, and so much has changed. She doesn't make time to text or call me hardly ever, and when she does, it's always a quick conversation. Because of the time difference and our schedules, I get that it's difficult, but shouldn't she make some time for her best friend?

Amelia and I were as close as sisters, and I can't stand the thought of losing her. I have already called her out a few times, and we are good for a few days, but then she goes right back to pretending like I don't exist. I'd rather not call her out again. Any thoughts? -- FARAWAY FRIEND IN MARYLAND

DEAR FRIEND: Rather than "call her out," it's time to lighten up. Stop trying to make Amelia feel guilty for not giving you the attention she was able to when you were geographically closer. If there's one thing I have learned about friendships, it's that they tend to ebb and flow.

Because you now live apart, concentrate on building other relationships with people close by. This doesn't mean you can't remain friendly with Amelia; it simply means you are expecting more from her than she's able to give you.

DEAR ABBY: The holidays are approaching, and with them a problem. I recently moved back to my hometown after being away for many years, and I was eagerly looking forward to spending the holidays with my daughter. She has just informed me that she's joining a religion that doesn't celebrate holidays, not even Thanksgiving or birthdays. I would never stand in the way of her chosen path, but I'd still like to be able to include her in family get-togethers. I just don't know how. Any suggestions? -- MISSING HER ALREADY

DEAR MISSING HER: Although you will no longer be able to celebrate the holidays with your daughter, you and the rest of the family can still see her and socialize. Talk to her about it and let her set the ground rules. As long as you are respectful, I'm sure she will be glad to give you suggestions about what you can do together.

DEAR ABBY: Early this year my son was killed in an accident. A few weeks later I became ill and was hospitalized. My son's widow looked after me all those weeks. She was known at the hospital by her name and also as my daughter-in-law.

One of my doctors, standing close to her and right next to my bed, asked for and was granted permission to ask her a personal question -- "What happened to your husband?" Was it insensitive of him to ask that in my presence? -- UNSURE IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR UNSURE: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your son. The doctor asked for permission to inquire about something personal and it was granted. That said, if the doctor was aware that you had lost your son a short time ago and your daughter-in-law was a widow, the question could have been asked privately because death is often a subject that's painful to discuss when a person is grieving.

DEAR ABBY: Ever since high school, our adult daughter has had mood swings. My wife and I thought she'd grow out of it as she matured, but she hasn't. At her request we sent her to a university far away, and we were proud that she earned her bachelor's degree. We thought independent living would do the trick, but her personality and behavior toward us didn't change.

She's an only child, and we spoiled her -- bought her cars and paid for college. I asked her to try for scholarships to help us out, but she didn't. She married and had two wonderful kids, but her mood swings persist. When I mentioned she see a counselor or therapist as a way to get some third-party advice and sort things out, she hit the ceiling and told me I was the one who needs therapy. Then she brought up my flaws and my past drinking problem. Granted, I have made mistakes, and I'm not perfect, but I've learned and grown.

After 10 years she divorced her husband. She got custody of the kids and the house. Her divorce cost us a great deal of money. Her authoritative and moody behavior is affecting our grandchildren.

I love my daughter very much and always have. If you were in my shoes, Abby, what would you do for a more healthy and loving relationship for all involved? -- STILL HER DAD IN FLORIDA

DEAR DAD: I would look back and examine all the things I did to foster her behavior. An example would be paying for her divorce. Then I would stop doing them and not resume until she agreed to consult a psychotherapist about her mood swings. Don't do it for her or for yourself. Do it for the sake of your grandchildren.

DEAR ABBY: Before I met my boyfriend of eight months, I planned a 10-day Japan vacation for next year with my best guy friend, "J." We have been friends for eight years, and have never had any romantic interest in each other. Both of us want to visit Japan because it's on our bucket list.

J and I were both single when we started making plans. Then I met my boyfriend. My boyfriend knew from the beginning that this trip was going to happen next year. Because the date wasn't "set in stone" or paid for until recently, my boyfriend thinks I should have called it off. He says I'm making the trip and my friend a higher priority than him, and his feelings are hurt. He said if I was going with a female friend he wouldn't care.

I still want to take the trip. I feel canceling would be betraying my friend J. Am I being a bad girlfriend? -- TRIPPED UP IN THE EAST

DEAR TRIPPED UP: A "bad" girlfriend? No. An independent one, yes. You say your boyfriend has known about this from the beginning, so this wasn't a surprise to him. If he was more secure about himself and your relationship, he would know that J isn't a threat. Not only should you take the trip, you should also use the time away to decide if you want a life partner as insecure as your boyfriend appears to be.