DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old, single male who recently graduated from college. I received lots of congratulations in person and by phone, text and social media.

One of them came from a woman my age named "Bree." When I responded, I didn't recall ever having friended her but learned she's a cousin who lives back east. Apparently, her mother and my father are siblings. When I asked my father about it, he got very defensive and told me whoever it was I spoke to is a complete and total liar. Ordinarily, I might have agreed, but his reaction tells me there's a lot more to this.

I want to find out more. Neither of my parents will say a word about it, and I don't know why. When I told them I plan to travel to the East Coast and meet Bree, I was told I may not be welcomed back if I do! This makes me wonder what horrible thing could have happened that would make a father consider disowning his son.

Because my father won't share the truth with me, I am left with only this option. Pursue this, find part of my family I never knew existed and learn something, but lose the family I have and regret it forever. Any insight? -- LOST COUSIN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR COUSIN: I can offer insight, but not a roadmap for how to proceed. Family secrets can be devastating. That your father reacted so strongly shows how threatened he is that you might uncover something he isn't proud of.

As a college graduate, I am sure you are familiar with the myth about Pandora's box. While you may not lose your father if you delve into this, you may find that when you do, your image of him may be shattered. If you really feel you will "regret it forever" if you do, then make sure you are prepared for the possible penalty.

DEAR ABBY: My only son and his wife had their first baby recently. My daughter-in-law treats me terribly. She's hypercritical of what I do or say. I am usually so blindsided I don't have much of a reply.

When I attempted to help out with the laundry, cleaning, etc., I was met with more criticism and advice on how to perform those tasks. She also says I don't know how to properly hold an infant. Abby, I have raised five grown children! How can I change this situation? -- PUNISHED FOR WANTING TO HELP

DEAR PUNISHED: Remind your daughter-in-law that you're just trying to help her. She may not have been critical of your efforts as much as trying to convey how she would like those tasks done. However, if you can't please her, take the hint and stop offering.

She may be a nervous new mother, but she appears to have gone overboard to the point of being tactless. The next time she tells you you don't know how to hold a baby, point out that you managed to raise five of them safely to adulthood. Then back off and give her some space because she may be hormonal and need it.

DEAR ABBY: Twelve years ago, I taught a boy I'll call Brandon in my first-grade class. I was very fond of him, and we had a strong connection. I knew Brandon had a tough home life and did my best to provide him a safe place in my classroom. I stayed in contact with his aunt over the years on social media because she had been a co-worker of my mother's, and we would occasionally discuss how Brandon was doing.

As he grew older, he began to associate with a bad crowd. He got in more and more trouble at school and eventually dropped out. A few months later, he was sent to prison for a violent crime.

His aunt has asked me to send Brandon a letter because he had always thought so much of me as his teacher. Without giving it much thought, I agreed.

Well, my husband is very opposed to the idea of me contacting Brandon. We have two young children with special needs, and I'm now a stay-at-home mom so I can help my children. My husband thinks I'm already dealing with too much stress, and he doesn't like the idea of a man who has been convicted of violence being in contact with me.

I am torn about what's the right thing to do. I feel like I am abandoning Brandon like so many others in his life, but I also see my husband's point. Abby, please help me to decide what to do. -- CONFLICTED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CONFLICTED: I think you should write Brandon one letter of encouragement. In it, tell him how highly you thought of him when he was in your class because he probably hasn't received many compliments for a long time.

Point out that although he is physically incarcerated, his mind doesn't have to be, and suggest he direct his efforts toward improving his life once he is released. Furthering his education now would be a way to accomplish it, and if there's an opportunity for him to earn a degree while he's inside, he should take it. Also, if there are any books you or his aunt think he might find helpful or inspiring, recommend them.

Close your letter by explaining to Brandon that you have no time for correspondence now because you are caring for two special-needs children, but you did want to reach out this once and you will keep him in your prayers.

DEAR ABBY: I wanted to write you in response to letters you have published in your column about stressful, traditional, iron-clad holiday celebrations becoming too much for the hosts.

For most of 40 years, my parents hosted all holiday dinners, which were attended by as many as 14 people. My wife and I finally said, "No more!" We made reservations for Thanksgiving at a nice restaurant and hosted the family. It was beautiful -- family, food, cocktails and no preparation or cleanup. Mom and Dad said it was the best Thanksgiving they could remember. We thought so, too. Just sayin'. -- SHARING A MEMORY IN WISCONSIN

DEAR SHARING: I'm sure your parents enjoyed the process of entertaining the family for the many years they did it. But it is also nice when someone else does the work. I'm printing your letter so other readers can see there is more than one way to skin a cat -- or enjoy a turkey with stuffing.

DEAR READERS: Here we go again. This is my annual reminder that daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. Sunday. Don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour at bedtime tonight. And while you're at it, remember to change the batteries in your fire alarms and smoke detectors.

DEAR ABBY: My mom recently passed away at 91. She had a great life and went peacefully at home in bed during the night. I took charge of her medical care and finances after Dad died 10 years ago.

After Mom's funeral, my brother insisted he would move into her house while he remodeled it, which could tie up the house for a year. It made no sense to me. I am Mom's executor, and I felt it was unfair to me and my other brother. When I said no, he got really angry, accused me of many mean, untrue things and announced that he disowned me. I responded that I love him and he will always be my brother, but it was his choice.

The pain of losing my mom and my brother has been awful. Now I'm working to sell the house, and he interferes and is mean every step of the way. But I have to move ahead and do my job. I don't respond to anything negative he writes. Have you some advice on how to repair our relationship? Maybe if he saw it in print he would realize we are family and none of this is helpful to any of us. -- DOUBLE LOSS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DOUBLE LOSS: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. If it's any comfort, estate problems like you're experiencing aren't all that unusual. Not knowing your brother or the degree to which he is self-centered, I'm having trouble understanding his overreaction. Was he desperate for a place to stay for a year?

I wish you had mentioned what your other brother thinks about this regrettable situation and whether he, too, was disowned. If he and your angry sibling are on speaking terms, perhaps he can help to mend fences. And hold a good thought. Sometimes time heals these kinds of wounds, once grief lessens and people regain their perspective.

DEAR ABBY: "Addicted in Kansas City" (Aug. 24) asked you for secular alternatives to Alcoholics Anonymous. There are parts of your response that I feel need clarification.

First of all, AA doesn't require lifetime attendance at meetings. AA doesn't "require" anything. (The third tradition states the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.) Regular attendance at meetings is encouraged but certainly not a requirement. Many people continue to go to meetings one or more times a week, while others stop or go only occasionally after a period of time.

The other point is tougher -- and perhaps more subtle. AA encourages individuals trying to get sober to find a "God of their own understanding," a Higher Power, something bigger than themselves. Many agnostics and atheists get and stay sober in AA.

AA is a spiritual program, not a religious one. This can be a difficult concept for people who are just coming in (and a great reason not to stay). That's one of the reasons AA encourages anyone new to attend different meetings, if possible, and check out other groups. In many cities there are meetings expressly for atheists and other nonbelievers. -- SOBER AND HAPPY IN ATLANTA

DEAR SOBER: Thank you for writing to clarify this. However, there are different programs (different strokes for different folks), which is why I also encourage anyone trying to achieve sobriety to research and explore the alternatives.