DEAR ABBY: My mom recently passed away at 91. She had a great life and went peacefully at home in bed during the night. I took charge of her medical care and finances after Dad died 10 years ago.

After Mom's funeral, my brother insisted he would move into her house while he remodeled it, which could tie up the house for a year. It made no sense to me. I am Mom's executor, and I felt it was unfair to me and my other brother. When I said no, he got really angry, accused me of many mean, untrue things and announced that he disowned me. I responded that I love him and he will always be my brother, but it was his choice.

The pain of losing my mom and my brother has been awful. Now I'm working to sell the house, and he interferes and is mean every step of the way. But I have to move ahead and do my job. I don't respond to anything negative he writes. Have you some advice on how to repair our relationship? Maybe if he saw it in print he would realize we are family and none of this is helpful to any of us. -- DOUBLE LOSS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DOUBLE LOSS: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. If it's any comfort, estate problems like you're experiencing aren't all that unusual. Not knowing your brother or the degree to which he is self-centered, I'm having trouble understanding his overreaction. Was he desperate for a place to stay for a year?

I wish you had mentioned what your other brother thinks about this regrettable situation and whether he, too, was disowned. If he and your angry sibling are on speaking terms, perhaps he can help to mend fences. And hold a good thought. Sometimes time heals these kinds of wounds, once grief lessens and people regain their perspective.

DEAR ABBY: "Addicted in Kansas City" (Aug. 24) asked you for secular alternatives to Alcoholics Anonymous. There are parts of your response that I feel need clarification.

First of all, AA doesn't require lifetime attendance at meetings. AA doesn't "require" anything. (The third tradition states the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.) Regular attendance at meetings is encouraged but certainly not a requirement. Many people continue to go to meetings one or more times a week, while others stop or go only occasionally after a period of time.

The other point is tougher -- and perhaps more subtle. AA encourages individuals trying to get sober to find a "God of their own understanding," a Higher Power, something bigger than themselves. Many agnostics and atheists get and stay sober in AA.

AA is a spiritual program, not a religious one. This can be a difficult concept for people who are just coming in (and a great reason not to stay). That's one of the reasons AA encourages anyone new to attend different meetings, if possible, and check out other groups. In many cities there are meetings expressly for atheists and other nonbelievers. -- SOBER AND HAPPY IN ATLANTA

DEAR SOBER: Thank you for writing to clarify this. However, there are different programs (different strokes for different folks), which is why I also encourage anyone trying to achieve sobriety to research and explore the alternatives.

DEAR ABBY: I have a co-worker I work closely with. Almost every day I hear her throwing up in the bathroom. It happens like clockwork. It's gotten to the point where I'm extremely concerned. Although it has been going on for years, it seems to have gotten worse.

I don't feel comfortable enough to bring this up to her, but something has to happen. I'm afraid I'll embarrass her, make her quit, etc., but her life is more important than that. We are both in management positions, but I am not her superior (in case that changes your advice about what to do or who to tell). Do I mention this to HR? Our boss runs his mouth a lot, and I don't know if I can say anything without it getting around. -- WORRIED FOR HER

DEAR WORRIED: I wonder if anyone else you work with has noticed what you have. Talk to someone in HR and explain that you're concerned that a fellow employee (unnamed) may suffer from a life-threatening illness and need help. Point out the time the person goes into the bathroom "like clockwork," and let HR try to get her the medical intervention she so desperately appears to need. Throwing up repeatedly can result in damage to the digestive tract.

DEAR ABBY: I am a young teenage dancer. My friends in dance class are wonderful except for one thing. Four of them hide in our dressing rooms, bathroom and anywhere else they won't be seen to smoke e-cigarettes.

My one close friend asked me once if I wanted to try it. When I said no, she knew better than to press further. Other friends keep telling me it's fun. I know if I did it and my parents found out, they would kill me. Plus, I don't want to get caught up in that deadly cycle.

What should I do? Tell my teacher and risk losing friends or leave it alone? After all, it's only hurting them, right? -- BAFFLED AT BALLET

DEAR BAFFLED: You are an intelligent young lady to recognize that "sampling" tobacco products can lead to addiction. Good for you!

When the government, in its wisdom, finally clamped down on the tobacco companies in an attempt to prevent yet another generation from becoming addicted, I thought that would be the end of it. Imagine my consternation when they came out with flavored vaping fluids to seduce more young people. It's shameless!

Rather than tell the teacher, talk to your parents about what's going on so they can quietly mention it to the parents of the other girls.

DEAR ABBY: Why has the word "veggies" replaced "vegetables"? When people say "veggies," to me it sounds like they are talking to a child. -- GROWNUP EATER IN GEORGIA

DEAR EATER: It's probably because "vegetables" has at least three syllables and people have a tendency to shorten words that have more than one syllable. It may also be because parents think it's a way of making them appear more palatable to small children.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in middle school. "Jill" has been my best friend for 11 years. She has always been shy, while I am outgoing. Recently, she has been hanging out with the class "ho," "Kelly," and I'm being more and more left out. Kelly is turning Jill into a slut, too. Jill isn't excited to hang with me anymore and prefers to be with Kelly's friends smoking or drinking.

Jill still calls us best friends, but I'm afraid she'll betray me and tell Kelly everything we talk about. We used to make fun of Kelly for being a slut. Now I feel like I can't open up to my best friend. It hurts to see them together and not inviting me to things. What do I do? -- TOTALLY LEFT OUT

DEAR LEFT OUT: Calling a girl a slut or a "ho" is a form of bullying. It won't bring Jill back to you or closer to you. In fact, it will likely do the opposite.

Because you feel you are no longer as close to Jill as you were, recognize that it's time to widen your circle of friends and explore activities that do not involve her or Kelly. The more friends you make, the less dependent you will be on one person.

DEAR ABBY: What does it say about a man when he won't accept a friend request on Facebook from his wife of 20 years?

He has been unfaithful in the past. He has several hundred friends on there from all over the country as he travels a lot. But he not only refuses to accept my request, he also refuses to say why.

I'm new to Facebook; he has been on for years. I don't have many friends because I've been pretty isolated, and now I want to reconnect. But if my own husband won't accept my friend request, should I even bother trying to friend anyone else? Oh, and if I friend any of my old male friends, he'll accuse me of cheating, even though that's his thing, not mine. -- NO FOLLOWERS IN THE WEST

DEAR NO FOLLOWERS: Following your husband on Facebook is the least of your problems. You already know he is secretive and has cheated on you. If you feel isolated, you have the right to reach out to anyone your heart desires, whether they're male or female.

Oh, and one more thing. If he accuses you of cheating, it may be because he has or is. Do you really need me to tell you that if you're unhappy you need to talk with a licensed therapist about it? Please consider it.

DEAR ABBY: Is it considered rude to stretch in public? -- STEPHANIE IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR STEPHANIE: I suppose it depends upon what someone is stretching. If it attracts attention or causes distraction, I suppose it is rude, but I wouldn't consider it a social transgression worthy of incarceration.

A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: If your little ones will be out trick-or-treating tonight, please be sure they are supervised to assure their safety.