DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We've had our share of ups and downs, but always managed to work our way through them. Last year, he decided he no longer wanted to be married, saying the last 20 years "were not all that pleasant" and "we have never really gotten along." (As far as I know, there isn't another woman.)

My problem is, for the most part, he still acts like he wants to be married. He has made no attempt to leave, tells me his comings and goings, asks me to have dinner together, etc. However, he sleeps on the couch and there's no sex. He says he does this because he hopes we can stay friends after the divorce.

I have yet to be served with divorce papers, so I'm thinking it may be a midlife crisis. Am I misreading his signals and he'll snap out of it, or am I being strung along? -- ANONYMOUS IN THE USA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: You are confused because your husband is sending you mixed messages. Could he be having performance issues? Do you still love him? I ask because nowhere in your letter did you mention it. The two of you are overdue for an honest discussion about whether your marriage is salvageable. If it isn't, ask him when and if he plans to file for the divorce, because this situation has left you in limbo, which is unfair to you. Then consult an attorney to ensure you get a fair shake.

DEAR ABBY: I am a young adult who suffers from migraines, which make it difficult to have much of a social life. My family and close friends know about them and are supportive and understanding. However, I'm a private person and don't like talking about it with new people.

It's hard to make friends and go on dates when I know I might have to flake out at the last minute due to a migraine. What's a good way to gracefully bow out of plans without seeming like a flake? Or should I just tell new people about my migraines? -- HURTING IN NEW YORK

DEAR HURTING: Suffering from migraines is nothing to be ashamed of. More than 12 percent of people in the U.S. share your problem. While I don't think it's necessary to make an announcement about it when you meet someone, I do think you should tell the truth if you must cancel an engagement.

DEAR ABBY: I am the youngest of four children. Every Sunday, our family gets together for Sunday dinner, a tradition I have loved since I was a kid, although lately, I have grown less fond of Sundays. Here is why: I am now 30 and the tallest sibling in my family, yet I am made to feel as though I am the smallest.

No one listens to me; no one asks my advice. I could be at the table with my finger up my nose and I don't think anyone would even notice. I say things and no one acknowledges me. Sometimes I feel as though I don't even exist. It's as if because I'm the youngest, I have no importance. What can I do to change this? -- PATIENCE RUNNING THIN

DEAR PATIENCE: Allow me to suggest that at the next Sunday dinner you speak up loud and clear and say exactly that. And if nothing changes, make other plans for Sunday.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter recently celebrated her 20th birthday. She's a good kid with a decent job who happens to like tattoos.

For her birthday, my in-laws sent her a birthday card. Usually their card includes a gift card, check or cash. This year, there was no gift but a note stating that they were not sending money as they felt she would use it toward more tattoos.

I understand their beliefs may be different, but their approach to the situation was not nice. When she read their note, my daughter broke down and cried. My question is: Should I ignore their rudeness and ignorance, or should I (or my husband) call them and stick up for our daughter? -- TRYING TO BE NONJUDGMENTAL

DEAR TRYING: I don't think what happened should be ignored. What your in-laws did was uncalled for, and the person who should tell them that is your daughter because she's an adult. If they were really concerned that she would spend their gift money on a tattoo, they could have sent her a tangible gift -- an item of clothing or a gift card from a specific retailer. Shame on them.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 68-year-old divorced woman who has been dating a slightly older widower. We were beginning a nice relationship until he got mad at me for giving him a fever blister. He suggested we not see each other or talk for more than two weeks. After that, he texted me to see if my fever blister was gone. He said he was still sort of angry about it, and described how ugly and painful the blister was.

I feel he was really petty, and it has put a damper on things. Am I wrong to feel this way? What is your advice? Hurry, please, because his blister is healing and he wants to see me. -- EMBARRASSED IN MISSOURI

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Your gentleman friend's behavior wasn't petty. The "fever blister" you gave him was a herpes virus. Before you see him again, talk to your doctor so he or she can explain how the virus is passed and what you can do to lessen the chances or prevent it in the future. If you do, you'll be doing both of you a favor.

DEAR ABBY: While attending a large party, I re-entered the main room to find my wife engaged in what appeared to be an intimate conversation with a longtime friend who is known to be a "hound dog" who frequently boasts of his latest conquests. They held each other's hands and were talking to each other at "kissing" distance. I watched from afar and then left the area so as not to create a scene. They were obviously not talking about the weather.

When I confronted my wife the next day, she said there is nothing going on between them and they were just talking. My wife had a few drinks that night, but I don't think she was drunk. Your take on this? -- SAW TOO MUCH IN GEORGIA

DEAR SAW: My take is that if you trust your wife, you will believe what she's telling you. Appearances can be deceiving, especially when viewed from a distance.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 20 years, "Jerry," recently learned about an old girlfriend's death. A Facebook friend informed him about it. The message arrived late at night while I was sleeping, and he woke me to tell me the news.

He is now receiving condolences from friends that he is responding to as though he were grieving. Abby, the old girlfriend and my husband split up on very bad terms. She not only cheated on him but gave him an STD. I am appalled and feel hurt that this is happening. Friends of mine are surprised and suspicious about it.

I confronted my husband and asked him if the situation were reversed and I were the one who died and an old flame started receiving condolences, how would he feel? Jerry said it wouldn't bother him. Is it normal to send condolences to old flames? -- DEATHLY CONFUSED IN TEXAS

DEAR DEATHLY: It's normal to inform others about a death, but considering the circumstances of the breakup, what's going on isn't "normal." It's possible that the messages your husband is receiving are from other Facebook friends who are connected to the sender of the original message.

While it isn't unusual for old friends to reach out to each other after news of a death, to convey it in the form of a condolence to an ex-boyfriend after the romance is long over strikes me as somewhat odd. My advice is to remain calm, don't let it give you heartburn and wait for the emotions to subside with time.

DEAR ABBY: The holidays are approaching, and I suspect many young couples are facing the same problem about where to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have two daughters -- one married and one single. The married daughter's mother-in-law has declared that this is "her" year for Thanksgiving, and next year is "her" year for Christmas. She has three sons, none of whom lives within four hours of her home. All three sons have children.

Don't you think the sons and their wives should decide for themselves if they want to travel for the holidays? They may prefer to spend Christmas morning in their own homes. Also, what about her daughters-in-law's parents? Perhaps they, too, have other grown children who would like to decide what they want to do for the holidays.

My philosophy is to plan my holidays and invite my children. If they can come, great! If not, there are no hard feelings. If all of my children and grandchildren can't be here at the same time, I focus on the ones who are and enjoy the time I have with them. I think the woman is being disrespectful to her sons and daughters-in-law. What say you? -- FOCUS ON A GOOD TIME

DEAR FOCUS: As your letter illustrates, not all mothers-in-law are alike. Some are iron-fisted matriarchs who demand obedience from their grown children. Others, like you, are more easygoing. In my opinion, the woman you have described is less disrespectful than overbearing.