DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 20 years. We've had our share of ups and downs, but always managed to work our way through them. Last year, he decided he no longer wanted to be married, saying the last 20 years "were not all that pleasant" and "we have never really gotten along." (As far as I know, there isn't another woman.)
My problem is, for the most part, he still acts like he wants to be married. He has made no attempt to leave, tells me his comings and goings, asks me to have dinner together, etc. However, he sleeps on the couch and there's no sex. He says he does this because he hopes we can stay friends after the divorce.
I have yet to be served with divorce papers, so I'm thinking it may be a midlife crisis. Am I misreading his signals and he'll snap out of it, or am I being strung along? -- ANONYMOUS IN THE USA
DEAR ANONYMOUS: You are confused because your husband is sending you mixed messages. Could he be having performance issues? Do you still love him? I ask because nowhere in your letter did you mention it. The two of you are overdue for an honest discussion about whether your marriage is salvageable. If it isn't, ask him when and if he plans to file for the divorce, because this situation has left you in limbo, which is unfair to you. Then consult an attorney to ensure you get a fair shake.