DEAR ABBY: A month and a half ago, my boyfriend of five years proposed. We are happy and excited. Most of the wedding party are my friends from college, who are like a family to me. They have also grown very close to my fiance.
One friend, "Eden," defines herself as a "goth." She wears dark lipstick, dark makeup and usually wears all black -- lace, fishnets, etc. Her casual wear isn't all that out of place. However, when she dresses up, the goth comes out in full force -- parasol, thigh-high boots, over-the-top stuff (at least to me).
She's invited to our wedding, and I'm concerned that she may go overboard with her wardrobe for the event. I do not wish to stifle her style or sense of self, but the guests will be mostly family and it's a formal event. Is there a polite way to mention this to her and ask her to tone it down a bit? I don't want to hurt her feelings or appear to be stuck up, however I am sure she will be in many of the photos. -- POLITE FRIEND IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR FRIEND: If there will be a wedding party and you have a maid of honor, the responsibility of explaining the "dress code" to Eden should fall to her -- for the reasons you mentioned. Whether Eden takes offense is anybody's guess, but at least the message won't come directly from you. If she chooses to ignore the dress code and "come as she is," focus on your happiness and do not let it ruin your day. As for the pictures, put her in the back.