life

Happily Employed Millennial Worries About Her Resume

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 25th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a millennial, and it seems these days people stay at jobs for only a few years before moving on. That has been my experience in the past, but now I'm in a position that's fulfilling and where I am creatively satisfied.

All my friends are always looking for their next gig, but for once, I don't feel that way. They keep sending me job postings they think I would be interested in, which would be right up my alley if I was looking, but I'm not.

How should I respond? Does it say I'm lacking motivation or goals if I don't have the desire to leave the company where I am currently working? In this day and age, is it OK to stay longer at a company, or does that actually hurt your resume? Does it show a lack of drive? -- SEEKING GUIDANCE

DEAR SEEKING: Many millennials move from job to job because they don't like what they're doing or don't have the creative satisfaction you do, as well as other factors. Remaining with a company you like, being appreciated and fairly compensated for what you do, should not create a black mark on your resume. It's a sign of stability.

In terms of a resume, it's not just your work history that has importance or value, it's also your acquired skills, your community participation and relevant hobbies. These elements let potential employers get a well-rounded view of the person who's being hired.

Work & School
life

Friend Is Puzzled by Invitation to an Online Baby Shower

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 25th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I received a Facebook "invitation to an event" from one of my local friends. Her daughter who lives out of state is expecting, and this is an "online shower." The invitation contains a link to her daughter's registry. There's no date -- just choose a gift and pay to have it sent to her. The daughter is fully employed as a high school life skills teacher, and her husband is a minister.

I always thought of a shower as a social gathering to honor a mother-to-be with gifts, see what gifts she receives, play games, have refreshments and visit. This new concept seems in poor taste to me. While I don't intend to participate, I feel rude just clicking on "Not going." Am I being a crotchety old relic? -- OLD TIMER IN TEXAS

DEAR OLD TIMER: In light of the fact that you didn't mention whether you know or even like your friend's daughter, I don't think you are being a "crotchety old relic." Because you received what I would call a stripped-down version of an "invitation," you should not feel rude in responding in the same fashion. Just click no, if that's the only option you've been given.

Etiquette & EthicsMoneyHolidays & CelebrationsFriends & Neighbors
life

Recent Widow Questions Etiquette of Sending Holiday Cards

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 25th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I was widowed this spring and seem to recall hearing, years ago, that I should not send out greeting cards for the first year. Is this still proper etiquette? With the holidays approaching, I need to know whether I should or should not be sending Christmas cards. For some people, it will be the only way they'll learn of his passing. Thank you for your help. -- CAROLYN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR CAROLYN: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. If you feel up to sending holiday cards and would like to do so, by all means send them. I have never heard of any rule of etiquette that says you shouldn't.

Etiquette & EthicsDeathHolidays & Celebrations
life

Wife's Close Friend Gets Too Close for Husband's Comfort

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 24th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Grace," and I have been happily married for 48 years. We're retired and enjoy an active sex life. Grace has a female friend, "Ricky," we have known more than 45 years. She's a close friend, and they often get together for lunch.

Ricky has been an out lesbian for many years and, in the past, had female companions. The problem is she repeatedly asks Grace to do things on Saturday evenings. She has also invited her to spend the night and tells her how much she loves her. My wife loves Ricky, too, but strictly as a friend and has not encouraged her in any way.

I'm not ordinarily the jealous type, but I'm convinced Ricky is in love with my wife. I have been tempted to tell her to quit making advances, but I don't want to cause the end of the friendship. I have told Grace how I feel, and she agrees. In fact, she has told me about some of the requests Ricky has made and she has rejected. I believe Ricky has crossed the line. What do you think? -- CROSSED THE LINE

DEAR CROSSED THE LINE: Your wife is not responsible for the fact that her longtime friend may be in love with her. I agree that asking your wife to spend the night is inappropriate, but Ricky may want more of Grace's time because she's simply single and lonely. The person to set boundaries would be your wife, who needs to tell her friend that her Saturday nights belong to you, and as much as she loves Ricky, she's unavailable as a romantic partner.

Marriage & DivorceSex & GenderFriends & Neighbors
life

Wife in Bad Marriage Is Reluctant to Leave Stepdaughter Behind

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 24th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together nearly four years. When we got together, he was in the process of gaining custody of his daughter because his ex abused drugs. We have raised "Arlette" ever since, and her mother is out of the picture.

Arlette calls me Mom, and we have a strong bond. Her father and I have a very strained marriage. We separated several times because he was abusive. I have been giving serious thought to leaving him, but because I have no legal rights to Arlette, I stay. I lost custody of my own daughter because of his abuse, and although my older children don't care for him, they, too, have a very strong bond with his daughter.

I'm unhappy and I do not feel this marriage can be saved. I am at a loss, though, thinking about leaving his daughter. She's only 4. How do I move on with my life knowing I won't have a relationship with this child I consider my own? -- LIKE MY OWN DAUGHTER IN FLORIDA

DEAR LIKE MY OWN: Because of your husband's history of abuse, my first suggestion is to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at thehotline.org or by calling (800) 799-7233. Having lost custody of your own daughter because of his abuse, there is good reason to believe he would abuse Arlette if she is left alone with him. While you're at it, consider running this scenario past a social worker who is well versed in the ins and outs of the system.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & ParentingAbuse
life

Teen and Stepdad Square Off Over Video Game Purchase

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 23rd, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have two sons, 14 and 10. I just got married a year ago. My husband, "Kurt," has taken on the father role and does pretty well, although I think he sometimes goes a little overboard.

He and my oldest son, "Elijah," worked on a roof together, and because my son made $200 plus a $70 bonus, Kurt got upset with Elijah when he used his money to buy an Xbox. Kurt thinks Elijah should have bought clothes, toiletries and other things he needs because we aren't rich. I agree to an extent, but it's gotten out of hand.

Now Kurt is so upset that he doesn't want to give Elijah another opportunity to make more money for himself. He really made a huge stink about how Elijah spent his money. What to do? -- VERY FRUSTRATED MOM IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MOM: "What to do" is to calmly and privately remind your husband that Elijah is 14, and his decisions are not always mature ones. Then suggest he and Elijah work out an agreement that in the future when Elijah earns money, a certain percentage of it will be put into savings, another portion will be used for necessities, and the rest can be used for items at his discretion. It's called budgeting, and it's an important lesson every teen should learn.

Family & ParentingMoneyTeens
life

Family Decides It's Time to Sell Parents' Home

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 23rd, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My parents -- both in their early 90s -- have lived with me for three years because they need care. We have maintained their home all this time, but they will never be able to return there.

Although my parents are somewhat cognizant, both suffer with mild dementia and haven't been back to their house for nearly two years. We have enlisted the help of an auctioneer and are planning to sell their house and much of the belongings and furniture. Our dilemma is whether or not to tell them. I'm not sure whether it's kinder to let them believe things are as they have been or tell them differently. -- WHAT'S RIGHT? IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WHAT'S RIGHT?: You say your parents suffer from mild dementia. The respectful thing to do would be to have a talk with them about it before you do anything. When you do, remind them that because it has been two years, and maintaining two households is so expensive, you think this would be the prudent thing to do.

You didn't mention whether you have your parents' power of attorney, but if you don't, you should discuss what you're planning to do with your lawyer.

Family & ParentingMoneyHealth & Safety
life

One Good Joke Deserves Another

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 23rd, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I thought I'd share this in reference to the Aug. 22 letter from "Bedroom Secret," the religious man who feels guilty for using graphic language while making love with his wife. It reminded me of a joke about a young married couple who asked their clergyman if it was a sin to have sex before Sunday morning church services. His reply: "It's fine as long as you don't block the aisle." -- CHUCKLING IN RUTLAND, VERMONT

DEAR CHUCKLING: Funny! Your joke reminds me of a quote from the late playwright Oscar Wilde, who said, "I have no objection to anyone's sex life as long as they don't practice it in the street and frighten the horses."

Sex & Gender

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