DEAR ABBY: I've had it up to here with my crabby next-door neighbor. She grows vegetables in her garden -- squash and pumpkins at this time of year. Our properties are separated by a wire fence.

A few days before Halloween last year, a friend brought her two grandsons, who are 4 and 6, for a visit. They were excited to find a pumpkin in my yard that weighed about 10 pounds and managed to get it into my house because they wanted to make a jack-o'-lantern. No sooner did I reach for the phone to tell my neighbor what they had done than she came banging at my door accusing the boys of theft! To make peace, I handed the pumpkin to her with my apologies.

This morning I noticed two pumpkins have tendrils that have crept through the fence and are now growing on my property. More than one person has told me, "They're on your property, so they belong to you." Another has said that if my tree grows over her property, she has the right to trim the branches. Ergo: I get to keep the pumpkins. I think a fair solution is to keep one pumpkin and give her the other. But "Crabby Cathy" might have other ideas. Before this gets ugly again, what do you say? -- PUMPKIN PILFERER IN PETALUMA, CALIF.

DEAR P.P.: Your "crabby" neighbor was correct. Your friend's grandsons DID help themselves to her pumpkin, and it was wrong. You and your friend should both have apologized to the woman when you realized they had purloined the pumpkin, returned it and taken the kids to the store to buy one they could cut up. If you pull the trick you're planning, it won't necessarily be a treat. You may escalate an already unpleasant situation beyond pumpkin season, and I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: I volunteer for a group that supports a cause close to my heart. Our group supports the local chapter in any way we can, and we're currently preparing for a fundraiser.

In an effort to get donations I have contacted some large national businesses and some small local ones. I try to send an email if I can, so I won't interrupt the owner during business hours and get an answer either when business is slow or after hours.

Many of the small businesses have not responded, and it has been well over a month since I contacted them. Would it be rude to contact them again to ensure they received my original message, or would it be better if I went in person to talk to someone? I understand not every business can afford to donate, but having a definite answer would be helpful. -- WELCOMING DONATIONS

DEAR WELCOMING DONATIONS: I have always believed the personal touch is the best, particularly when you're putting a "touch" on someone for money. Businesses are often solicited for donations by mail and email, and the requests usually go straight to the trash. By paying a call on these businesses, if only to schedule an appointment so you can talk, you may have better luck.

DEAR ABBY: Recently something has come up in my life that has pushed the shaky relationship between my girlfriend, "Linnay," and my parents to the front burner. She insists they do not like her. Because of it, she rarely speaks more than a few sentences to them and dreads going to my house to visit them.

I don't think my parents dislike Linnay, but they do seem hesitant to interact with her, involve her in things our family does, and they don't seem motivated to create a better relationship with her.

Linnay has asked me to "fix" the situation, but I feel the way to make their relationship better is for them to work it out. What should each of them do to make this happen? And what can I do to help? -- ANONYMOUS IN TEXAS

DEAR ANONYMOUS: This is not something your girlfriend can work out on her own. Ask your parents why they seem hesitant to interact with her, why they don't invite her to things the family does and why they seem less than eager to create a better relationship with her. Linnay may be shy, or she may have picked up on not-so-subtle signals your parents are sending that they don't approve of her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 11. My parents aren't in my life, so my grandparents are my guardians. I'm thankful for all they do, but I am very scared because my grandfather is 85, and I know soon he is going to leave this world. So how do I accept that? -- IN NEED OF A PRAYER

DEAR IN NEED OF A PRAYER: A wise person once told me that the way to ruin today is to spend it worrying about what "might" happen tomorrow. Many individuals a lot older than you make that mistake. It's clear that you love and appreciate your grandfather. Tell him that -- often. Hold a good thought and enjoy him for as long as the good Lord allows, because if your grandfather is in good health, he may last quite a while longer than you think.

DEAR ABBY: How do I get my roommates to do chores? I have tried talking to them, creating chore charts and explaining we will lose our security deposit if the house isn't taken care of. Nothing works. If I don't want sticky counters, ruined pots and pans, or trash piling up, I have to do it myself. Any advice would be appreciated. -- NOT YOUR MAID

DEAR NOT YOUR MAID: Whose name is on that lease? If it isn't yours, the logical thing to do would be find a place to live with more mature roommates who feel the way you do about clutter and hygiene. However, if it is yours, you will have to wait until the lease is up, get rid of those roommates and screen the next batch more carefully.

DEAR ABBY: When I was in my first year of college, my mother divorced my stepdad. "Charlie" was part of my life for 12 years, but since their divorce, she insists I have no contact with him. Charlie visits the state where I now live several times a year to see a friend and invites me to have dinner with him. I do, but because of Mom's demand, I ask him to keep our time together a secret. If she knew we were in contact, I think she would cut me out of her life.

Growing up, Charlie was a father figure to me -- a very important person in my life. Spending time with him is awkward, but it would feel wrong to never see him again. We were family for many years. I feel that as an adult, I should be able to decide for myself who I stay in contact with. I don't know the whole story about their breakup, and honestly, I don't care to know. Should I honor my mother's wishes and have no more contact with him, or go with my gut and keep him in my life? -- FORGIVE OR FORGET OUT WEST

DEAR FORGIVE: Go with your gut. As an adult, you do have the right to choose with whom you associate, and your mother should not be insisting upon it with no explanation.

DEAR ABBY: I have an etiquette question I can't find an answer to on the internet. My family travels a great deal, and there are always unattended wheelchairs parked around the airport. My teenage brother thinks it's perfectly fine to get in them and start playing with them, because "no one's using them." The rest of my family thinks it's rude to use a wheelchair as a toy. How do you view this and how should my parents explain it to him? Thanks. -- CLAIRE IN FLORIDA

DEAR CLAIRE: Assistive devices are not toys, and they should not be "played with" by those who don't need to use them. That's how I view it. Have your parents actually told your brother "No"? If they have and he does it anyway, it's time for them to act like parents, make clear that there are consequences for disobedience and follow through.

DEAR ABBY: My son recently graduated with a master's degree. He's a fine young man, did extremely well all through his schooling and has never given his father or me a second of worry. He has not been able to find a job. It's frustrating for him and discouraging, but we know he will, and we encourage him any way we can.

My question is how do I deal with the barrage of inquiries from neighbors, hairstylist, co-workers and friends who constantly ask if he has found a job yet? I am sick of it! It's none of their business, and I never ask them anything about their families' employment. Please help. -- MISSOURI MOM

DEAR MOM: Handle it this way. Say, "When he does, I'll let you know." Then change the subject.