DEAR ABBY: When I was in my first year of college, my mother divorced my stepdad. "Charlie" was part of my life for 12 years, but since their divorce, she insists I have no contact with him. Charlie visits the state where I now live several times a year to see a friend and invites me to have dinner with him. I do, but because of Mom's demand, I ask him to keep our time together a secret. If she knew we were in contact, I think she would cut me out of her life.

Growing up, Charlie was a father figure to me -- a very important person in my life. Spending time with him is awkward, but it would feel wrong to never see him again. We were family for many years. I feel that as an adult, I should be able to decide for myself who I stay in contact with. I don't know the whole story about their breakup, and honestly, I don't care to know. Should I honor my mother's wishes and have no more contact with him, or go with my gut and keep him in my life? -- FORGIVE OR FORGET OUT WEST

DEAR FORGIVE: Go with your gut. As an adult, you do have the right to choose with whom you associate, and your mother should not be insisting upon it with no explanation.

DEAR ABBY: I have an etiquette question I can't find an answer to on the internet. My family travels a great deal, and there are always unattended wheelchairs parked around the airport. My teenage brother thinks it's perfectly fine to get in them and start playing with them, because "no one's using them." The rest of my family thinks it's rude to use a wheelchair as a toy. How do you view this and how should my parents explain it to him? Thanks. -- CLAIRE IN FLORIDA

DEAR CLAIRE: Assistive devices are not toys, and they should not be "played with" by those who don't need to use them. That's how I view it. Have your parents actually told your brother "No"? If they have and he does it anyway, it's time for them to act like parents, make clear that there are consequences for disobedience and follow through.

DEAR ABBY: My son recently graduated with a master's degree. He's a fine young man, did extremely well all through his schooling and has never given his father or me a second of worry. He has not been able to find a job. It's frustrating for him and discouraging, but we know he will, and we encourage him any way we can.

My question is how do I deal with the barrage of inquiries from neighbors, hairstylist, co-workers and friends who constantly ask if he has found a job yet? I am sick of it! It's none of their business, and I never ask them anything about their families' employment. Please help. -- MISSOURI MOM

DEAR MOM: Handle it this way. Say, "When he does, I'll let you know." Then change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: I am suffering from a depression I think many mothers experience when they become empty nesters. Although my husband is supportive, I miss my 18-year-old so much that sometimes I'm tempted to drive to his college in Florida. My husband and I have always wanted to live in a warmer climate, but he doesn't like the humidity in Florida. We had planned to move to Arizona once my son went away to college, but now I'm having second thoughts because the drive to Arizona from Orlando is twice the distance, and I don't think I can take his being that far away.

I have good job offers in Arizona, and family there as well, so I know it would be a healthier place for me to be. I just cannot reconcile with the fact that my son will be so far away. He will be in college in Orlando for the next five years, as he is in a master's degree engineering program. Am I being overprotective? He's my only son. I have real anxieties about this and have been seeing a counselor as well as my doctor, who prescribed a mild antidepressant. Is this normal? Should I stay put? Should I move? -- INDECISIVE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR INDECISIVE: While some degree of empty-nest syndrome is normal, what you are experiencing is not. Keep the conversation open with your husband about relocating to Arizona. Your son needs a chance to become independent as much as you need the time to allow it to happen.

You say your husband can't tolerate the Florida humidity. Is it your intention to impose it on him for the next five years? It would create unnecessary stress on your marriage. Further, what will happen after your son earns his degrees and is offered a job elsewhere? Do you plan to move again to be close to him?

Continue your counseling and meds. And while you're at it, find a volunteer project so you won't have time to sit and brood. With time, your anxiety will subside, and you will become less emotionally dependent upon your son -- which will be healthier for both of you.

DEAR ABBY: I have read many of your columns and enjoyed them. These days though, you seem to hear from more and more people who are afraid of saying what needs to be said. I suspect it can be chalked up to the "be politically correct" nature of our country lately. But why is it that when people do speak their minds, others consider them rude? I let people know when they are disrespectful to me in public, and I don't put up with being put down. Am I wrong in feeling that people who say mean things need to be immediately corrected? Or am I really being rude? -- FARMGIRL IN MISSOURI

DEAR FARMGIRL: You are not wrong, and it is not rude if you choose to defend yourself. What you are being is assertive, which is a healthy personality trait. No one should have to accept as normal social interaction being made to feel "less than" in public. If someone has a bone to pick with you -- and vice versa -- it should be done in private.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has an extensive sexual history. He has had sex with more than 80 partners. All the encounters were when he was in high school and in his early 20s. Most were one-night stands with female friends.

When we met, he was honest, and I was understanding. He didn't keep in touch with any of those females (pre-Facebook). But now he's friends with several of them on Facebook, and while he doesn't "talk" to them, he comments and "likes" many of their posts. This makes me uncomfortable because I don't feel that past sexual partners should be part of one's life once someone is married. I'm not jealous or insecure, I just think it's disrespectful. Am I controlling? -- ANXIOUS IN ARIZONA

DEAR ANXIOUS: Your husband was certainly active. Was he also able to keep his grade point up? You say he has been honest with you about his sexual history. Nowhere in your letter have you indicated that there has been any infidelity. I suspect that in spite of your denial, you may be feeling a bit insecure, and if your husband is telling you that you're coming across as controlling, that is the way he perceives it. "Liking" the Facebook posts of someone you haven't seen in decades isn't inviting the person to have an affair. If I were you, I'd calm down.

DEAR ABBY: How do I get across to my parents that I don't want them exposing my minor children to my mentally ill sister? "Evangeline" is bipolar, has borderline personality disorder and sometimes acts out in public. They know how strongly I feel about this but find ways to expose my children to her anyway. My kids don't want to be around Evangeline, but my parents continue to push her on them. I'll give you an example: They'll take the kids out to dinner and "bump into her unplanned" at a restaurant. I don't know what else I can do other than tell them I don't like it. But when I do, they refuse to listen and get upset when my kids tell me they saw her. Please advise. -- LOOKING OUT FOR MY KIDS

DEAR LOOKING: Mental illness isn't contagious. As long as Evangeline is on her medication, she poses no threat to your children. Is it beyond the realm of possibility that these encounters with her are actually unplanned? Sometimes people -- myself included -- get into the habit of patronizing certain restaurants because they are nearby and serve reliably good food. It's easy to fall into a comfortable pattern.

Because you feel so strongly about these encounters, tell your parents you prefer they take your children to places your sister doesn't frequent. However, if they persist in "pushing her on," as you put it, then you may have to consider restricting your parents' visits with the grandkids to situations you can control.

DEAR ABBY: Can you tell me why women wear high-heeled shoes? I cannot think of any benefits women derive from wearing them. Is it because they think high heels make their legs look more attractive, because it's the fashion or some other reason? -- BAFFLED AND CONFUSED

DEAR BAFFLED: Not only do high heels make the legs and ankles look more attractive, when a person wears them they appear to be a few pounds lighter because they look taller. THAT'S why! (Guilty as charged.)