DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 30 years. Although my husband and I are both positive people, we have not had a happy marriage.

He leads the life of a bachelor, including sex with other women and unilateral decision-making. He's outgoing, generous and well-liked. I'm a homebody who often feels lonely and rejected.

Outsiders would be surprised at the true nature of our relationship. We have been to counseling, but it didn't help. Why do I stay in this marriage? What's wrong with me? Are there others like me? -- INCREDULOUS IN INDIANA

DEAR INCREDULOUS: You wouldn't have stayed married to your husband if you didn't derive some benefit from it. Because counseling didn't change the dynamic between you and your husband doesn't mean you shouldn't have some independently.

Your problem may be lack of self-esteem or fear of being alone, a problem shared by many women in dysfunctional marriages. If you're sincere about finding the answers to your questions, they await you in the office of a licensed therapist.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister recently passed away after a 22-year battle with lupus. She beat the odds for so long, and even gave us the miracle that is her son.

Logically, I understand that medically there was nothing left the doctors could do, but emotionally I feel like I killed her because I went along with the doctors. Is it normal to feel this guilt?

I have nightmares every night now because I hear her last words. I see how she was both on and off life support. When I make myself eat, I overeat. But honestly, I could easily go back to never eating like I did before. Is all of this normal for the grief process? -- FEELING GUILTY IN OREGON

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: Yes, what you're experiencing is normal -- to a degree. However, if the nightmares and feelings of guilt persist, discuss them with a grief counselor or a religious adviser.

You alluded to having "gone along with the doctors." If by that you mean you agreed that your sister should receive palliative care at the end, you did her a favor, not a disservice.

DEAR ABBY: I dated this woman for almost a year. It ended when she gave me an ultimatum: convert to her religion or walk. She is Pentecostal, and I am Catholic. We are both deeply rooted to our own churches.

A few months have gone by. She still has deep feelings for me, but I don't know if I feel the same way because of her ultimatum. One of us must convert or we won't be able to move forward. But there are big differences between the two religions. What should I do? -- CONVERTING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONVERTING: Because you are deeply rooted in your Catholicism and no longer sure you feel the same way about her, let her go so she can find a good Pentecostal husband. Religion is something a person must believe in, not switch to please someone else. There are plenty of fish in the sea for both of you, so keep fishing.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 40 years and her boyfriend live several states away from my husband and me. Every winter she and her friend expect to come to our home for a week. We simply can no longer do this.

Her friend is a nice guy, but after a few days we can hardly stand it. He talks constantly and knows everything about everything. How can I politely tell my friend that we can't accommodate them anymore without hurting her feelings and maybe ending our friendship? -- WEARY OUT WEST

DEAR WEARY: Try this. When your old friend mentions coming to visit, tell her you aren't up to having houseguests. If she asks why, and she probably will, say you're not as young as you used to be -- it's true. Neither am I. Tell her you can accommodate them for a weekend. If that doesn't work, say your husband isn't up for company. (Also true.) However, if neither excuse suffices, you may have to choose between telling your friend the truth and fibbing by saying you plan to be out of town.

DEAR ABBY: For mothers out there who wonder why their "wonderful" grown daughters don't have boyfriends, maybe it is because they are too dependent on YOU. No guy wants to be involved with a woman who calls or texts her mom multiple times a day (unless she is ill). No guy wants a girl who can't make a decision without consulting Mom, and he certainly doesn't want the intimate details of his relationship to be shared with you.

Men want confident women, not girls still tied to their mother's apron strings. If you want your daughter to find a man, stay out of her love life and teach her to make her own decisions! -- HATES MEDDLING MOTHERS

DEAR HATES: I have long advised young women how important it is to gain independence before becoming romantically involved with anyone. I agree that women who can stand on their own two feet are more appealing than those who are still dependent upon their parents. Your letter verifies the truth of what I have been saying.

DEAR ABBY: I recently received an invitation to a dear friend's grandson's 5th birthday party. In lieu of gifts, donations were requested to a choice of politically affiliated "charitable" organizations. I cannot, in good conscience, support any of them.

What's the appropriate course of action here? Must I give the child a gift anyway, or just stay away from the party? I really don't want to get into any political discussions with either the parents or the grandparents, and I think there would be hurt feelings if I don't show up. -- IN A BIND

DEAR IN A BIND: What a shame that a child's party was used as an excuse for a political fundraiser. I can't imagine any 5-year-old being "thrilled" to receive a political donation as a birthday gift.

However, because the child is the grandson of a "dear" friend, I do think a gift is in order. Make it something a 5-year-old will enjoy, have it delivered, and find an excuse not to attend if you feel it will devolve into something you prefer to avoid. Hurt feelings or not, you are not obligated to go to the party.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a man in my mid-30s. For the past couple of years I've been in love with my best friend. She doesn't know how I feel, and I know she doesn't feel the same way about me. (She calls me the brother she always wanted.) I try hard to fight these feelings so our friendship can continue. She has been a huge part of my life, so losing her friendship would be devastating.

To make matters more difficult, we are currently roommates and spend lots of time together. My heart breaks when she goes on dates or talks about guys she may be interested in. I know she'll never see me as more than a friend. Is there any way I can get over these feelings so we can continue this amazing friendship? -- FRIEND ZONE IN VERMONT

DEAR FRIEND ZONE: It might be easier to accomplish if you didn't live together, and I think you should tell her why. While it may end the fantasies you are nurturing, I see no reason for it to end your amazing friendship. Unless you are a masochist, please do not allow the status quo to continue because it isn't healthy for you.

DEAR ABBY: One of my neighbors invited me to go shopping for plants at a local nursery. We had gone there a few days before. I drove that time; she said she would drive this time. I enjoy her company and was happy to go again.

Well, we had to take two different highways to get there, and she drove between 40 and 45 miles an hour. Cars were passing us left and right going 65 or 70, and she couldn't understand why people honked at her. She seemed surprised when I informed her it was because she was driving so slow.

It was very scary, and I don't ever want to ride with her again. How can I tactfully let her know that from now on I'll do the driving? Also, can I suggest that she drive only on side streets? -- SCARED FOR MY LIFE

DEAR SCARED: You are right to be concerned for your neighbor's safety. Drivers like her cause accidents as people become frustrated and need to pass her.

Drivers are expected to observe the speed limits, and someone who drives at a crawl when the speed limit is 65 or 70 is breaking the law. If they are spotted by law enforcement, they can be ticketed for it. I know this because that is what happened to my grandmother when she was in her 80s. For both your sakes, please share this information with her.

DEAR ABBY: I was at an estate sale recently and saw a woman scratch the price off an item. I gave her "the death stare," but was there anything else I should have done? There were no staff around that I could see. -- UNETHICAL IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNETHICAL: Unless the woman was going to shoplift the item, she had to have given her money to someone on the premises. What you should have done was find someone who was staffing the sale and alerted him or her to what you observed.