DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 40 years and her boyfriend live several states away from my husband and me. Every winter she and her friend expect to come to our home for a week. We simply can no longer do this.

Her friend is a nice guy, but after a few days we can hardly stand it. He talks constantly and knows everything about everything. How can I politely tell my friend that we can't accommodate them anymore without hurting her feelings and maybe ending our friendship? -- WEARY OUT WEST

DEAR WEARY: Try this. When your old friend mentions coming to visit, tell her you aren't up to having houseguests. If she asks why, and she probably will, say you're not as young as you used to be -- it's true. Neither am I. Tell her you can accommodate them for a weekend. If that doesn't work, say your husband isn't up for company. (Also true.) However, if neither excuse suffices, you may have to choose between telling your friend the truth and fibbing by saying you plan to be out of town.

DEAR ABBY: For mothers out there who wonder why their "wonderful" grown daughters don't have boyfriends, maybe it is because they are too dependent on YOU. No guy wants to be involved with a woman who calls or texts her mom multiple times a day (unless she is ill). No guy wants a girl who can't make a decision without consulting Mom, and he certainly doesn't want the intimate details of his relationship to be shared with you.

Men want confident women, not girls still tied to their mother's apron strings. If you want your daughter to find a man, stay out of her love life and teach her to make her own decisions! -- HATES MEDDLING MOTHERS

DEAR HATES: I have long advised young women how important it is to gain independence before becoming romantically involved with anyone. I agree that women who can stand on their own two feet are more appealing than those who are still dependent upon their parents. Your letter verifies the truth of what I have been saying.

DEAR ABBY: I recently received an invitation to a dear friend's grandson's 5th birthday party. In lieu of gifts, donations were requested to a choice of politically affiliated "charitable" organizations. I cannot, in good conscience, support any of them.

What's the appropriate course of action here? Must I give the child a gift anyway, or just stay away from the party? I really don't want to get into any political discussions with either the parents or the grandparents, and I think there would be hurt feelings if I don't show up. -- IN A BIND

DEAR IN A BIND: What a shame that a child's party was used as an excuse for a political fundraiser. I can't imagine any 5-year-old being "thrilled" to receive a political donation as a birthday gift.

However, because the child is the grandson of a "dear" friend, I do think a gift is in order. Make it something a 5-year-old will enjoy, have it delivered, and find an excuse not to attend if you feel it will devolve into something you prefer to avoid. Hurt feelings or not, you are not obligated to go to the party.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a man in my mid-30s. For the past couple of years I've been in love with my best friend. She doesn't know how I feel, and I know she doesn't feel the same way about me. (She calls me the brother she always wanted.) I try hard to fight these feelings so our friendship can continue. She has been a huge part of my life, so losing her friendship would be devastating.

To make matters more difficult, we are currently roommates and spend lots of time together. My heart breaks when she goes on dates or talks about guys she may be interested in. I know she'll never see me as more than a friend. Is there any way I can get over these feelings so we can continue this amazing friendship? -- FRIEND ZONE IN VERMONT

DEAR FRIEND ZONE: It might be easier to accomplish if you didn't live together, and I think you should tell her why. While it may end the fantasies you are nurturing, I see no reason for it to end your amazing friendship. Unless you are a masochist, please do not allow the status quo to continue because it isn't healthy for you.

DEAR ABBY: One of my neighbors invited me to go shopping for plants at a local nursery. We had gone there a few days before. I drove that time; she said she would drive this time. I enjoy her company and was happy to go again.

Well, we had to take two different highways to get there, and she drove between 40 and 45 miles an hour. Cars were passing us left and right going 65 or 70, and she couldn't understand why people honked at her. She seemed surprised when I informed her it was because she was driving so slow.

It was very scary, and I don't ever want to ride with her again. How can I tactfully let her know that from now on I'll do the driving? Also, can I suggest that she drive only on side streets? -- SCARED FOR MY LIFE

DEAR SCARED: You are right to be concerned for your neighbor's safety. Drivers like her cause accidents as people become frustrated and need to pass her.

Drivers are expected to observe the speed limits, and someone who drives at a crawl when the speed limit is 65 or 70 is breaking the law. If they are spotted by law enforcement, they can be ticketed for it. I know this because that is what happened to my grandmother when she was in her 80s. For both your sakes, please share this information with her.

DEAR ABBY: I was at an estate sale recently and saw a woman scratch the price off an item. I gave her "the death stare," but was there anything else I should have done? There were no staff around that I could see. -- UNETHICAL IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNETHICAL: Unless the woman was going to shoplift the item, she had to have given her money to someone on the premises. What you should have done was find someone who was staffing the sale and alerted him or her to what you observed.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are talking marriage soon, and I'm already stressing over who will walk me down the aisle.

I always planned for it to be my dad, but he passed away a month ago. Mom remarried when I was young, but I have never had a close relationship with my stepdad. He mentioned years ago that he'd like to walk me down the aisle one day, but I honestly would rather he didn't. I don't want to hurt his feelings or strain our relationship, but I also don't want to feel like I am replacing Daddy, who I was very close with.

Is it taboo to walk down the aisle alone? Or must I just suck it up and walk with my stepdad for the sake of not hurting his feelings? -- MARRIAGE IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR MARRIAGE: Brides can (and should) walk down the aisle with the companion of their choice. When the bride's father is deceased, the escort can be her mother or a close male relative. I have also heard of brides escorted down the aisle by their canine companion, which proves that although they say a dog is man's best friend, it can also be a woman's.

You are not obligated to have anyone walk you to the altar because the person asks. If your stepfather repeats his request, tell him the truth -- that it would be too hurtful because it would feel like he was replacing your father, something no one can ever do. You should also know that these days some women feel being "given away" is an anachronistic custom, and make their way alone to join their groom at the altar.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and my mother had a good relationship before we were married. But since our wedding two years ago, he complains about her nonstop while pointing out ways that I am like her. My brothers feed into it too. They often have long conversations together detailing her "many" negative qualities.

Recently, while we were visiting my parents' home, Mom overheard my husband say very critical things about her. She got upset and kind of shut down emotionally and socially for the rest of the visit. We both apologized to her separately, but she said she was tired of being criticized and tired of him being mean to me as well.

I have a history of depression. My husband and I have tried counseling multiple times, with no progress because he feels our problems are "my responsibility." My husband is a good person, but it hurts me to see my mother upset and to have the two most important people in my life so at odds. Advice? -- TORN IN NEBRASKA

DEAR TORN: I'm glad to offer some, but first you will have to accept that "good" husbands don't act like yours does. If there are things he doesn't like about your mother, he should take them up with her directly, not behind her back the way he did. I don't blame her for feeling hurt. How else was she supposed to respond?

What your husband did was destructive, not helpful. The same is true for the way he treats you. Counseling hasn't worked because of his unwillingness to accept any responsibility for your problems as a couple. My advice is to talk to a licensed therapist on your own, which will help you to see your situation more clearly than you appear to do.