DEAR ABBY: My mother insists on telling my three youngest children that my husband is not their father. The oldest girl is the spitting image of him, and she's upset about it. Mom also calls me terrible names. She keeps saying it will add years to my life if I divorce him and makes appointments with divorce lawyers "for" me, which I am charged for. My husband and I have a limited income and can't move away because our jobs are here. How can I convince our kids my husband is their father? -- TRYING TO PROVE IT

DEAR TRYING: A way to do that would be to explain to your children that your mother has severe emotional problems and isn't in her right mind when she says those things. (From what you have written, it appears to be true.) You do not have to move away to distance yourself from this toxic, troubled woman. Stop communicating with her. Block her phone number, if you must, and do not allow her to have contact with any members of your family unless and until she regains her senses and apologizes to all of you.

DEAR ABBY: I belong to a women's golfing group. The mission of the club is to play golf and have fun. We have tournaments, prizes, and awards are given for the best scores.

The problem: Several of the ladies are "allergic" to counting their scores correctly. We have given them counting beads to help them "remember" their score. They have played with board members who asked them to count their scores out loud each time they hit the ball and to state their scores after the last putt. There have also been conversations with the golf pro about the importance of keeping accurate scores. Yet, the inaccurate counting persists and denial reigns. Members are upset because these ladies often "win" tournaments. What to do? -- PROUD OF MY HIGH HANDICAP

DEAR PROUD: You might be able to curb the cheating if you suggest club members swap scorecards and keep score for each other. However, if that doesn't do the trick, stop playing with those who cheat.

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, I took my computer to an electronics store to be fixed. The tech who helped me had a ton of dirt under his nails. I was grossed out seeing him with those filthy nails type on my computer keys. Should I have said something to him or his supervisor? How can they allow someone with his hygiene problem to be in a position that requires contact with the public? -- GROSSED OUT IN OHIO

DEAR GROSSED OUT: A quiet word with the supervisor would have been the way to handle it. And while you were at the store, you could have asked for sanitary wipes to clean your keyboard. (They probably had some behind the counter.) Using a soft tissue dipped in alcohol once you returned home would also kill germs, as long as you're careful the tissue isn't so saturated that liquid drips beneath the keys.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a strong relationship with my girlfriend for five years. We are very much in love.

I have told her I don't want to get married and have kids until I have attained some level of success. She understands my desire to be a good provider, but she's 29 and worried about her biological clock if she waits much longer.

I work full time, take night classes and I'm trying to put myself on a promising career path. Is my request unreasonable? We want it to work, but being able to provide at least a middle-class lifestyle is very important to me. -- AMBITIOUS GUY IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR AMBITIOUS: It would be wonderful if there was a blueprint for success in life and marriage, but too often, "life" intervenes. You and your girlfriend should have a serious discussion about the future, because you both have to be comfortable with what happens next.

If she wants to start a family right away and you feel you can't afford it, neither of you will be happy. If she's willing to wait another few years to start a family (her biological clock should still be ticking, or she could freeze her eggs), then it's important you agree about what needs to be in place financially in order for that to happen.

DEAR ABBY: My parents like to visit us and bring along their little dog, "Truffle." We are happy to have them and their dog, however we have an issue. My parents allow Truffle on the furniture. We have a dog and love her to pieces, but feel that furniture is for humans. Because our family likes to relax by sprawling on the couch at times, it's not as pleasant once a pet has been lying there.

My husband has voiced this concern but has been ignored. We are going to visit my parents soon, and I'm wondering how to handle this. We love everyone and don't want to hurt their feelings. I appreciate your advice. -- OFF THE COUCH IN COLORADO

DEAR OFF THE COUCH: If you and your husband prefer that animals stay off the furniture in your home, that's your privilege. In your home, your rules should be respected. If your parents choose to ignore your request, they should stay in a pet-friendly hotel or leave Truffle at home.

However, when you visit in their home, their rules should apply. And if your husband doesn't want to sit or lie on their couch because of the animal hair or the odor, he should sit on a dining chair that can be wiped down, take a washable cover to throw on the couch or stay home.

DEAR ABBY: I've had an online friend for three years. We met on a dating/flirt app in high school and recently met in person. We aren't currently dating, but it's inevitable at this point.

He's funny, down-to-earth and good-looking as hell! What he doesn't know is that prior to meeting him, I had a relationship with a woman, and I think I'm in love with her. I broke things off with her, but now I miss her more and more. I want to reach out to her, but I want him and me to get closer as well. What should I do? -- GIRL WITH OPTIONS IN MAINE

DEAR G.W.O.: What you should do is be honest with both of them and let the scenario play out naturally.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for years. We married young, and I'm the only man she has been with. Although we seem to have a good sex life, she's now saying she wants more. She wants to experiment and is suggesting we try a "swinging" lifestyle -- a threesome or foursome -- swapping partners.

I think she wants to experience a stronger, more physically attractive man. I'm not against it. I fantasize about watching her with another man, and it could be exciting to make love with other women. However, my question to you and your readers is, does this lifestyle enhance a marriage or does it usually lead to severe marriage issues? -- CONSIDERING IT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONSIDERING IT: Depending upon the people involved, the swinging lifestyle can either enhance or destroy a marriage. If the couple is honest with each other from the beginning, establishes firm ground rules and adheres to them, it won't hurt the marriage. However, if one partner feels coerced into participating, it can be destructive, which is why I do not recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: One of my very close friends self-harms. She constantly slits her wrists and forearms. I desperately want her to stop, but I don't know how to convince her not to hurt herself.

I would talk to her parents about it, but she doesn't feel comfortable around her dad, and her mom is part of the reason she self-harms. She had a therapist she could talk to, but not anymore.

I want her to feel loved, but so far, all I've been doing to help is listen when she talks. She needs to be able to see herself as others do. What can I do to help her? I don't want to sit idle while she struggles. -- GOOD FRIEND IN KANSAS

DEAR GOOD FRIEND: You are a caring person, but your friend has serious emotional problems you don't have the training or experience to handle. She will need professional help to get to the root of her emotional pain before she can stop cutting.

Because she no longer has a therapist and her parents are part of the problem, tell a counselor at school that your friend is self-harming. Perhaps there can be an intervention if her problem is approached that way.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married forever to a very demanding and controlling man. We are older now, so, without consulting me, he bought cemetery plots for us. The problem is, I'm scared to death of cemeteries and always have been. I prefer to be cremated and have my ashes scattered over places I love.

One of my kids is OK with it; the other isn't. How can I make sure my wishes will be respected? -- GOING OUT MY WAY

DEAR G.O.M.W.: It appears that one of your kids takes after their father. If your husband dies first, your problem will be solved because your wishes will prevail.

Talk with an attorney who specializes in estate planning about putting language in your will that specifies that if you aren't cremated and scattered as you wish to be, the person responsible will receive no more than $1. Then choose an executor you can trust, and when the time comes, rest in peace.