DEAR ABBY: I have been in a strong relationship with my girlfriend for five years. We are very much in love.

I have told her I don't want to get married and have kids until I have attained some level of success. She understands my desire to be a good provider, but she's 29 and worried about her biological clock if she waits much longer.

I work full time, take night classes and I'm trying to put myself on a promising career path. Is my request unreasonable? We want it to work, but being able to provide at least a middle-class lifestyle is very important to me. -- AMBITIOUS GUY IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR AMBITIOUS: It would be wonderful if there was a blueprint for success in life and marriage, but too often, "life" intervenes. You and your girlfriend should have a serious discussion about the future, because you both have to be comfortable with what happens next.

If she wants to start a family right away and you feel you can't afford it, neither of you will be happy. If she's willing to wait another few years to start a family (her biological clock should still be ticking, or she could freeze her eggs), then it's important you agree about what needs to be in place financially in order for that to happen.

DEAR ABBY: My parents like to visit us and bring along their little dog, "Truffle." We are happy to have them and their dog, however we have an issue. My parents allow Truffle on the furniture. We have a dog and love her to pieces, but feel that furniture is for humans. Because our family likes to relax by sprawling on the couch at times, it's not as pleasant once a pet has been lying there.

My husband has voiced this concern but has been ignored. We are going to visit my parents soon, and I'm wondering how to handle this. We love everyone and don't want to hurt their feelings. I appreciate your advice. -- OFF THE COUCH IN COLORADO

DEAR OFF THE COUCH: If you and your husband prefer that animals stay off the furniture in your home, that's your privilege. In your home, your rules should be respected. If your parents choose to ignore your request, they should stay in a pet-friendly hotel or leave Truffle at home.

However, when you visit in their home, their rules should apply. And if your husband doesn't want to sit or lie on their couch because of the animal hair or the odor, he should sit on a dining chair that can be wiped down, take a washable cover to throw on the couch or stay home.

DEAR ABBY: I've had an online friend for three years. We met on a dating/flirt app in high school and recently met in person. We aren't currently dating, but it's inevitable at this point.

He's funny, down-to-earth and good-looking as hell! What he doesn't know is that prior to meeting him, I had a relationship with a woman, and I think I'm in love with her. I broke things off with her, but now I miss her more and more. I want to reach out to her, but I want him and me to get closer as well. What should I do? -- GIRL WITH OPTIONS IN MAINE

DEAR G.W.O.: What you should do is be honest with both of them and let the scenario play out naturally.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for years. We married young, and I'm the only man she has been with. Although we seem to have a good sex life, she's now saying she wants more. She wants to experiment and is suggesting we try a "swinging" lifestyle -- a threesome or foursome -- swapping partners.

I think she wants to experience a stronger, more physically attractive man. I'm not against it. I fantasize about watching her with another man, and it could be exciting to make love with other women. However, my question to you and your readers is, does this lifestyle enhance a marriage or does it usually lead to severe marriage issues? -- CONSIDERING IT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONSIDERING IT: Depending upon the people involved, the swinging lifestyle can either enhance or destroy a marriage. If the couple is honest with each other from the beginning, establishes firm ground rules and adheres to them, it won't hurt the marriage. However, if one partner feels coerced into participating, it can be destructive, which is why I do not recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: One of my very close friends self-harms. She constantly slits her wrists and forearms. I desperately want her to stop, but I don't know how to convince her not to hurt herself.

I would talk to her parents about it, but she doesn't feel comfortable around her dad, and her mom is part of the reason she self-harms. She had a therapist she could talk to, but not anymore.

I want her to feel loved, but so far, all I've been doing to help is listen when she talks. She needs to be able to see herself as others do. What can I do to help her? I don't want to sit idle while she struggles. -- GOOD FRIEND IN KANSAS

DEAR GOOD FRIEND: You are a caring person, but your friend has serious emotional problems you don't have the training or experience to handle. She will need professional help to get to the root of her emotional pain before she can stop cutting.

Because she no longer has a therapist and her parents are part of the problem, tell a counselor at school that your friend is self-harming. Perhaps there can be an intervention if her problem is approached that way.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married forever to a very demanding and controlling man. We are older now, so, without consulting me, he bought cemetery plots for us. The problem is, I'm scared to death of cemeteries and always have been. I prefer to be cremated and have my ashes scattered over places I love.

One of my kids is OK with it; the other isn't. How can I make sure my wishes will be respected? -- GOING OUT MY WAY

DEAR G.O.M.W.: It appears that one of your kids takes after their father. If your husband dies first, your problem will be solved because your wishes will prevail.

Talk with an attorney who specializes in estate planning about putting language in your will that specifies that if you aren't cremated and scattered as you wish to be, the person responsible will receive no more than $1. Then choose an executor you can trust, and when the time comes, rest in peace.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister, "Lily," is in a biracial marriage and has a son. Our dad never approved. He gave her an ultimatum when she first met "Rodney": Choose between him or our family. She chose Rodney.

After 30 years of Dad not speaking to her and influencing us siblings to feel the same way, our mother died and Dad rekindled his relationship with Lily. He's 82 now, and he puts her and her family first. He spends a lot of money on them and spends a lot of time with her and her son.

The rest of us feel so much resentment. I realize he's making up for lost time and feels guilty. But it's sickening when we remember how he pushed us to feel the way he did back then and now expects us to do an emotional 180. We are OK with being with our sister and her family. It's Dad we're having the problem with. How do we move on? -- UPSET IN THE EAST

DEAR UPSET: I wish you had mentioned what caused your father's change of heart because it would have been a valuable lesson for a lot of readers. He did a disservice to all of you by teaching hate rather than love and acceptance. Now you have decades of lost time to make up for.

Anger, resentment and bigotry serve no one well. Your father recognizes the mistake he made by shunning his daughter and her family, and he's trying to make up for it. As I write this, I'm reminded of a line from the "Peace Prayer of St. Francis": "Where there is hatred, let me sow love." Good for your father! The way for you to move on would be to recognize it's time to forgive him for the damage he caused your family because, if you don't, you and your siblings will perpetuate it.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked for my husband, "Ben," in a small firm for 20 years, but members of my family still think I don't have a "real" job. I did it so I'd have flexibility in taking care of our children, participating in PTA and other school activities, and be involved in the community. This benefits us not only as a family but also Ben's business.

I work a 40-plus-hour week, just not necessarily 9 to 5. So why does my family think they can call me at work, especially on my cell, for non-work-related issues? They wouldn't call their friends or children at work, so why, despite my asking them repeatedly not to, do they still call, or worse, drop in? How can I make them stop bothering me? -- AT WORK

DEAR AT WORK: Because you have asked your relatives not to call between certain hours, screen your calls before answering your phone. When they ask why you didn't pick up, repeat the message that you were working and please not to call you at that time. If they drop in, quit being so available. Repeat that they have come at a time that's inconvenient, and give them a time when you can socialize.