DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Roxanne," married right out of high school. Eleven years later she finally woke up and realized the man of her dreams was a deadbeat. She has now been divorced as long as she was married, still looking for a good man who will love her and share a future with her.

She's very sensitive, and I don't know how to tell her she needs to change her attitude about life in general, because no one wants to hear her recite all the bad things that have happened to her since childhood. She has always had a hard time letting go of small slights, from things that go on at work to as far back as school or sibling feuds.

Roxanne is a wonderful, beautiful woman, and my heart breaks to think of her spending the rest of her life alone. Her dad and I won't live forever. I'm afraid if I tell her how I feel, she'll no longer want to confide in me and talk out her problems. (I am her sounding board.) I don't mind listening so she can get it out of her system, but how do I get her to let it go and move forward? -- MOM WHO LOVES HER IN KENTUCKY

DEAR MOM: You mean well, but it may be time to cut back on being your daughter's sounding board, which seems more like a dumping ground. Tell her you love her, but that repeating her unresolved grievances is getting her nowhere. She needs to talk to a licensed professional. Urge her to discuss these painful things with a therapist who can put her on a path to putting them behind her.

DEAR ABBY: I am a junior in college, and I recently transferred from a two-year school to a four-year school. I have made a few friends, but their class loads are so heavy I don't get to spend much time with them. I, on the other hand, have a modest class load, so I have more free time, and I'd like to make more friends.

I have considered joining one of the two sororities on campus. But I am worried that if I do I will have to change my personality and likes/dislikes in order to fit in. Many of the girls at this school are very "cookie cutter," while I'm a more "eat the whole roll of cookie dough" type of person. I'm not concerned with how I look vs. how they look, but rather if I will fit in. I want more friends and friendships that will last beyond school, but I don't want to lose who I am because I joined a sorority. Please help. -- TO RUSH OR NOT TO RUSH

DEAR TO RUSH OR NOT: Don't rush to rush. A sorority is not the only way you can connect with people. Membership in a sorority does not guarantee that you will have friendships that last beyond college. They are like any other living arrangement -- people make friends with others they connect with. If you want to widen your social circle, the same thing can be accomplished by living in a dorm and joining clubs and special interest groups on campus.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a wonderful man for 17 years. The drawback is he's a workaholic. We have not spent even one day together doing something fun in more than 10 years.

We both work full-time and live on a small farm. My husband is a carpenter. He collects tractors and works hay fields all summer long. Because he comes in late each evening, I often eat dinner alone. On weekends, he's working on his tractors or cutting and baling hay.

I do see him a bit more during the winter months, but he thinks it's a waste of time and money to go somewhere nice for dinner or take a weekend getaway. When I do travel, it is with my siblings because my husband prefers to stay home and work.

I love him, but I'm beginning to feel like I am not his top priority. I am lonely for his companionship. I just don't know how to handle this. He's pretty set in his ways. Help. -- WITHERING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WITHERING: A husband who is unwilling to devote time to his wife doesn't sound "wonderful" to me. Perhaps you should consider having a snack after you return from work, so you can have dinner with him when he comes in.

You appear to have a communication problem. Tell him what you want, and don't be shy about it. Say you love him but need more of him than he has given you for a long time. He needs to know his wife feels she's playing second fiddle to his tractor collection. If he is unwilling to listen, then you will have to evaluate whether you want to spend the rest of your life "withering."

DEAR ABBY: I am married to a successful mental health professional, and I applaud how you recommend therapy or counseling when it is called for. I have noticed that some of your readers have written, "I tried it already, but it didn't work." To these people, my husband always says:

"Therapists are like shoes. Sometimes you need to try on a few before you find a good fit. And, like shoes, you can grow out of them and need new ones. Sometimes you need a more appropriate pair that matches a different lifestyle. (You wouldn't go running in high heels, or wear flip-flops to business meetings.)

"Ask to talk to potential therapists before hiring one. Ask questions. Get a feel for their personality and style. Ask how they might treat different issues and what types of therapy they practice, and inquire about sliding-scale fees if money is an issue. If a therapist's style doesn't match your needs, ask for a referral to someone else who might be a better fit."

Abby, please encourage your readers not to give up. There is help out there for everyone. -- MATT IN MARYLAND

DEAR MATT: I like your spouse's analogy and suggestions for finding a psychotherapist who's a good fit. Thank you for taking the time to write and share the wisdom.

DEAR ABBY: Our father died nine months after his diagnosis with cancer. Within six months of his funeral, our stepmother of 20-plus years had begun a new relationship. She sold her and Dad's home and belongings and moved across the country, leaving behind her children, stepchildren and grandchildren.

Although she promised to keep in touch with everyone, she hasn't. She has made no effort to reach out to her stepfamily over the last year and a half, not even her grandchildren. We are perplexed, as she claimed our father was the love of her life and she dearly loved her grandchildren.

A few of us tried contacting her during the first six months after she left, but she usually responded only to texts, and then with one-word answers. We realize she has moved on, but how could she cut all ties with those she supposedly cared for? What are we missing? What is it that we don't understand about being 60-something and widowed?

We feel abandoned and betrayed. We supported her in her decisions and her remarriage (which is the last time we had any contact with her). Please advise, Abby. -- BAFFLED OUT WEST

DEAR BAFFLED: Since you haven't had any meaningful contact with her since her remarriage, I suspect that her new husband has something to do with the silence. He may be controlling or discourages contact because he is threatened by the idea that she had a full life previously. It may also be that she prefers to devote her time and efforts to him and his relatives rather than dwell in the past.

I wish I had more information about her, but even without it, my advice is for you all to move on. It's impossible to maintain a relationship with someone who doesn't want one.

DEAR ABBY: I am a very open person, but one thing I am not open about is the STD I have been living with for the last few years. My ex didn't know he had it, and he gave it to me. Now free of him, I'm ready to date again, but I'm afraid of the judgment I may receive from potential partners.

I have heard all kinds of stigmatizing, dehumanizing and cruel comments about STDs, and I wonder to myself if people were better educated about this, maybe they wouldn't sound so ignorant. Unfortunately, I don't have the emotional strength to deal with rejection right now. So what I'm trying to ask is, how do I go about dating with an STI/STD? -- MOVING FORWARD IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MOVING FORWARD: According to the Centers for Disease Control nearly 20 million new sexually transmitted infections occur every year in this country, so please don't think you are alone. Knowing other individuals are going through what you are may help you to feel less isolated and stigmatized.

An excellent resource for you would be the American Sexual Health Association, which provides all sorts of reliable information for people with STIs/STDs. The website is ashastd.org, and it offers an online support community that may be helpful for you. There are also commercial dating sites and apps that cater to people with STIs and STDs. I encourage you to go online and find out which one may be the best fit for you.