DEAR ABBY: My husband tends to fight dirty, and I don't know how much more I can take. If we argue about some issue between us, he'll say something along the lines of, "This is why you have so much trouble with your colleagues at work." He knows this is a touchy subject, and it upsets me. I have ongoing issues with two work colleagues who give me the silent treatment for months over perceived (but not intentional) slights, and it causes me a lot of social isolation and anguish.

I'm upset that he brings this up when we argue to validate his point of view. Of course, this escalates our fights and eventually he apologizes. However, I know the next disagreement we have he'll resort to similar tactics.

We have tried counseling, but it's tough to fit into our busy schedules, and it never stopped him from resorting to personal attacks of character during our fights. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to forgive him, but I don't see the point since his apologies don't mean anything. Is there anything left for us to try before I throw in the towel? -- TOO TIRED TO FIGHT

DEAR TOO TIRED: As I see it, you have two issues to deal with. You have two "colleagues" at work who have ganged up on you and are creating a hostile work environment by giving you the silent treatment. They don't have to love you, but they do have to work cooperatively with you, which they aren't doing. You should report it to human resources or your boss, so it can be dealt with in a professional manner.

As to your husband and what he's been doing on the home front, tell him he has a choice -- make the time to work with a counselor and learn to fight fair or you will consult a lawyer about ending the marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I recently became friendly with a couple who lost their 40-year-old son six months ago. We have grown close over the last several months.

The issue is, as they are mourning the passing of their child, they have turned their home into a shrine. There are pictures of him in every room, etc. I know everyone handles grief differently, but this seems excessive, if not a little creepy.

I suggested they see a therapist, which they did, but only a couple of times. Believe it or not, they were told they were on the right track! Do you have any suggestions? -- FINDS IT DEPRESSING IN INDIANA

DEAR FINDS: I sure do! Stop judging that couple and expecting them to get over the loss of their child on your timetable. Their therapist has told them they are on the right track, and if you are going to continue to be a supportive friend, you must abandon your preconceptions about how they should deal with their loss. Be supportive. Listen when they need to talk. And when you can, give them positive messages that may lighten their load.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 41 with two adult kids and my youngest, who is almost 15. For the last eight months I have been dating a woman with two kids -- one is nearly 10 and the other is 4. We have a lot in common. We get along great, and I really like her.

The downside is, I'm having a hard time accepting starting over and raising kids that young. I have been living alone with no kids full time for 11 years. She has a flexible schedule, and her kids spend 50 percent of the time with their dad. I know one day we will have to move in together, and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with it. -- DREADING IT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DREADING IT: I'm a strong believer in communication. If you are having second thoughts, share them with your lady friend so you can decide together what your next step should be and if there will be a move in your future. And when you do, please remember that her first responsibility is to her children and not to you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are celebrating our 45th wedding anniversary. Our trip will be a visit to his old Army buddy, an eight-hour drive away in Maine. I have met his friends three times in my life. He is comfortable with them. I can talk about only so much with them, then nothing more.

My husband says this is a fair trip because I always choose the destinations of most of our vacations. It will be a six-day trip, and we must take our chocolate lab with us. What do you think of this? -- PERTURBED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PERTURBED: I think it seems less like an anniversary celebration than it does an Army reunion. However, if what your husband said is true -- that you have chosen the destinations for most of your vacations -- be a good sport and go along with it. Of course, it would be with the stipulation that the next destination is one of your choosing and will be the anniversary celebration you didn't have this time around.

DEAR ABBY: Is it OK for senior citizens to order off of the kids' menu? Friends of ours have recently begun to do this even though the menus state "6 and under, please." They are not poor and live a comfortable lifestyle. The waiter usually just looks the other way and allows them to do it. I find it embarrassing. I feel they are cheating the business and the server. -- BY THE BOOK IN OHIO

DEAR BY THE BOOK: As people grow older, they burn fewer calories than younger, more active folks do. Their appetites sometimes shrink to accommodate it. Many senior couples compensate for it by splitting a meal so they won't waste food.

Not knowing your friends, I can't guess why they order off the children's menu. However, as long as the server doesn't mind and receives a generous enough tip to compensate, I don't think anyone is being cheated. Management wouldn't allow it if it hurt the business.

DEAR ABBY: I found out a month ago that my wife and my best friend had a relationship 40 years ago when we were in our 20s. My friend hinted about it, so I asked him point blank and he confessed.

Obviously, if you can't trust someone, he's not your friend. My question is, should I ask my wife to tell me what went on or just sweep it under the rug and move forward?

Not a day goes by that I don't wonder what happened to make her stray, or how long the affair went on under my nose. I tried talking to her about it right after I found out, but she started crying, which is one of my weaknesses. I don't like making folks upset, so I took the blame because I wasn't a very good husband. We married very young, and I wasn't ready. So, what do I do? -- HURT AND ANGRY

DEAR H AND A: I would love to know your "friend's" motivation for hinting so broadly that he'd had an affair with your wife that you'd ask him point blank. He seems more a troublemaker than a stalwart friend to me.

If you have had a happy 40-year marriage, I think you should let it remain so. OK, so neither of you were angels. "Divorce" the "friend" and let it go.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 30, married and the only female analyst in an office with 12 men. I love my job and I enjoy working here, but it is very hard to prove yourself as a woman in a male-dominated industry.

There is one other woman in my office, a recently divorced administrator I barely know. She's very open about her online dating and sex life, and I am at a loss. I feel it's extremely inappropriate for her to share detailed information with me in the workplace. I'm also afraid the guys will hear her and take me less seriously as a professional and equal.

I have tried politely changing the subject, ignoring her or avoiding her, but nothing seems to work. I don't want to embarrass her by telling her flat out to not discuss her sex life with me, but I'm not sure what else I can do. What would you suggest? -- COVERING MY EARS

DEAR COVERING: What the woman is doing can be considered sexual harassment, and in most sizable businesses -- yours appears to be one -- there are policies in place to protect employees. I suggest you tell her that hearing about her sexual escapades makes you uncomfortable and to please stop. And if she doesn't, discuss it with either human resources or your employer.

DEAR ABBY: My gentleman friend and I are senior citizens who live together. We have acquired a dog and cat. I pay for the cat's food, vaccinations and litter. He pays for the dog's food and vaccinations.

Last week my boyfriend accidentally slammed the door on the cat's tail. Part of it had to be amputated, and the bill for surgery, drugs, cone, etc. came close to $400. Neither of us is hurting financially. Who do you think should foot this bill? -- MOTHER OF FUR BABIES

DEAR MOTHER: That poor kitty! I not only think your "gentleman" friend should foot the bill, I think he should have volunteered to do it. If he didn't, shame on him.