DEAR ABBY: I come from a small, close family. Last year, we suffered a devastating loss. My cousin and her two children were killed in a car accident. We have all been profoundly affected by this loss, especially my aunt and uncle.

Fast forward: Another cousin is pregnant with her second child. She wants to name her daughter "Daisy" because she wants all her children to have flower-themed names. "Daisy" is the name of one of the children who died. I, and others in the family, are upset by her decision because her reason for choosing the name has nothing to do with honoring our lost family member.

I understand no one "owns" a baby name, and she can choose whatever name she wants for any reason. But I am having trouble getting past the fact that I'll see this child at family gatherings and have to call her by my dead cousin's name for no reason other than it was a cute flower name.

My cousin is set on using this name despite family protests, and I can't help but foresee bitterness ahead for us when we've already dealt with so much. What, if anything, can we do to make this situation more positive? -- NAME GAME IN NEW YORK

DEAR NAME GAME: Your cousin appears to have the empathy of a garden snail. Did it occur to anyone in the family to suggest to her that there are other flower names besides Daisy -- Dalia, Daphne or even Desert Rose? (Her nickname could be "Desi," which is cute.) If you haven't, please do before the baby arrives. However, if she refuses to change her mind, it's time for you to start memorizing the Serenity Prayer.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 22 years. He's a diamond in the rough. My grown children, three boys, have always just tolerated him. They say he talks too much, doesn't listen and still treats the younger two like children. I know he can be overbearing at times.

They have now ganged up and will no longer allow the grandchildren to come stay with me. They say my husband is too harsh in correcting them, which isn't true. The only time he is loud and fast to correct is if the parents aren't here to do it. They have offered no alternative solution.

Two have expressed to my husband how they feel. My husband is trying to acknowledge their feelings and wants to do better. How do we proceed as a family? I'm afraid they will withhold the grands each time they disagree with us. Counseling is out since we live in separate cities. Any words of wisdom for us? -- HURTING HEART IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR HURTING HEART: Look at this from your sons' perspective. When they hear from your grandchildren that your grouchy (but well-meaning) husband yelled at them, as parents, their first instinct is to protect their kids.

I can't guarantee that your sons won't use emotional blackmail in the future, but I can offer two suggestions: Your husband should take a deep breath and count to 10 before he reacts, and he should defer the discipline to Grandma. And if that isn't enough to satisfy your sons, then you will have to visit them instead of having them visit you.

DEAR ABBY: What do you say when a friend's son has committed a horrific crime? Does one say, "I'm sorry" or "Call me," or merely pat them on the shoulder and move on? Or, what?

I know she is suffering and blames herself for his crime. How do I even approach her? I knew her quite well until I moved away and started my life on an opposite coast. Telling her what her son did is not her fault somehow seems trite.

I'm sure other people have been in this kind of situation. I found out about the young man's crime from the news media. I haven't been in contact with his mother for some time, which makes me feel awkward. -- LOST FOR WORDS

DEAR LOST: The time to be a friend is when somebody needs one. I'm sure your friend could use some emotional support right now. If you have her phone number, call her and tell her you know she's hurting, and she's in your thoughts and prayers. Tell her you are with her in spirit and hope she knows you care about her and her son. Then listen. There's not much more you can do than that.

DEAR ABBY: I've been seeing this guy, "Jason," for a year and eight months. I love him and he loves me, but I've been offered a really good job about three hours from where we live. It is a job I've been wanting for a long time, with retirement, pension and other benefits. Once I get in and there's an opening here, I can apply and move back.

Jason doesn't want me to accept the job because he says long-distance relationships never work. I told him I'm willing to try. Is it selfish of me to accept this job in spite of being in a relationship with someone I want a future with, knowing it could possibly break us up? -- CONFUSED IN THE WEST

DEAR CONFUSED: It's not selfish. "Selfish" is a boyfriend (not even a fiance) who would expect you to pass up an opportunity that offers retirement, pension and other benefits knowing how important it is to you. Mature adults are able to defer gratification and forgo an immediate reward in anticipation of a later one. Please remember that.

DEAR ABBY: I am almost 14 and entering high school. I am really scared and don't know what to do. I just want to go to class, study hard, get good grades and get out. But it's not that simple. Can you give me some advice about high school and what I should watch out for? -- SCARED OF HIGH SCHOOL IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SCARED: Calm your fears. It may comfort you to know every student feels the way you do when first entering high school. It's a new environment, and you will encounter new people.

Be nice to everyone, and most of them will like you. That's how friendships are made. Look for extracurricular activities that interest you, and join some if you can. You already know you will need to study hard. If you do, good grades will follow.

As to what you should watch out for: If some of the other students are doing things that you consider wrong, don't join in. And keep in mind there's a school counselor you can talk to if you have any problems or concerns.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my late 20s and dating a man in his mid-30s whom I am crazy about. We have been dating for a year and are starting to discuss marriage and children. He's kind, hard-working, gives back to the community, and does everything he can to make me happy.

My problem is his family. His mother curses and yells at him every few months, usually around the holidays when he tells her he's splitting his time between his family and mine. She breaks him down any way she can, such as finding fault with me or bringing up mistakes he made 10 or 15 years ago.

His sister tells him often that she doesn't like me because of things she claims I said or did. She has also attacked me on social media. The rest of the family gets involved in the drama and even blackmailed him (insinuating they would get him fired) when he tried to ignore them. A week or so after these outbursts occur, his family pretends nothing happened.

He admits his family has "issues," but he still wants a relationship with them. I try to limit my time with them, but I'm worried about our future. He would make an amazing husband, but I am unsure how -- or if -- I can get past his toxic family. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. -- HAPPILY EVER AFTER?

DEAR HAPPILY: I can see why you would question a future with a man from a family that guilts, manipulates and lies to the degree that his does. Whether you can overcome the baggage he will carry after you leave the altar is debatable. It might help if the two of you discuss this not only with each other, but also with a clergyperson who can give you unbiased premarital counseling. If you do get married, consider moving farther away from his family to secure your independence. He may also have to find another job if he's under their thumb financially.

DEAR ABBY: My teenage son came to us because he feels lonely and like no one cares. He says he knows his family is there for him and loves him, but he's looking for that special girl. I talked to him and tried to let him know that right now he needs to focus on himself and where he wants to go with his life, and eventually he will meet someone.

He has now told me that he has had thoughts of hurting himself and wants to talk with a counselor. We have made an appointment for him.

My question is, is it a good sign that he is seeking help now before he has done anything? He hasn't harmed himself in any way, doesn't use drugs, doesn't drink or engage in risky behavior. I want to believe that since he is asking early, all will be OK. -- VERY CONCERNED MOM IN ARIZONA

DEAR MOM: It's appropriate to believe that. Kudos to your son. The people you have to worry about are the ones who hide their sadness and pretend everything is OK when it really isn't.

I assume that you made an appointment for your son with a licensed mental health professional. When your son goes, encourage him to be as open with his therapist about his feelings as he can, so he can get the help he is asking for.