DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are proud parents of our first child, a girl. Despite his excitement and pride, her arrival has caused his childhood sexual abuse by his stepfather to resurface with more detail than he previously remembered. It has reached the point that if he isn't thinking about suicide, he's grilling me for reasons why I love him, which he doesn't believe.

He recently told me he's afraid of holding our 4-month-old daughter or changing her diaper in case he does something abusive by mistake. Besides constant reassurances and encouragement, how can I help the man I love when he refuses the outside help denied to him as a child? -- WORRIED WIFE IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR WORRIED WIFE: It is extremely important that your husband get professional help NOW! What his stepfather did was not his fault. He may think he's unlovable because he somehow blames himself for what happened to him.

There are at least nine rape treatment centers throughout the state of Mississippi. Your husband needs to go to one before he does something to hurt himself. If he won't do it for himself, then he should do it for the sake of his daughter, who needs him, and his wife, who adores him.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old female college student who often comes home to sleep because it's close to my job, and it's my primary residence during the summer and holidays.

I love my family very much, but I'm having a problem because my mother insists on sleeping in my bed with me while I'm there. My stepdad snores incredibly loudly, and he refuses to get help. Mom often can't sleep because of it.

Sometimes he sleeps on the couch and she'll get a reprieve. However, several times a week, Mom will sleep in my bed. Not only does this disrupt my sleep, but I would love to have my privacy back. She has tried earplugs, but they help only a little bit. How can I get my personal space back? I would value some advice. -- OVER IT IN BUFFALO

DEAR OVER IT: Because your stepdad's snoring can't be heard from the couch, on nights when your mother needs to sleep in your bed, why don't you take the couch? That way all of you can get a good night's rest. However, until you are independent and able to make other living arrangements, you may have to sacrifice your need for privacy in the interest of practicality.

P.S. Individuals who have a serious snoring problem should let their doctor know, because it could be a symptom of a life-threatening medical condition called sleep apnea. Please tell your mother that if her husband's snoring is irregular and he "holds his breath" between snores, it shouldn't be ignored.

DEAR ABBY: I'm dating my grammar school and high school sweetheart, "Gary." We've known each other since I was 6. (I'm 33 now.) In high school we dated for nine months and were in love, but he told lies to my dad, so Dad ordered him to stay away. Now, 16 years later, after being only friends all this time, we finally both became single and got back together.

Gary is and always has been the love of my life, as I am his. He would do anything for me. He says he wants to marry me and have kids, and he's never said that to any other woman.

Since we broke up at 16, Gary has done some bad things (drugs, prison). Because of it, my dad hates him. Dad was finally getting used to Gary being back in my life until a few months ago, when Gary crashed my car after relapsing. Gary is getting me a new car and trying to get my dad to like him, but Dad is stubborn. I know he's just worried about me.

I want to bring Gary to my parents' to visit because enough time has gone by since the accident. Is there any way to get my dad used to him? -- TORN IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR TORN: I think the chances of your father "getting used" to his beloved daughter being married to a convicted felon and drug user who can't quite kick the habit are somewhere between a snowflake and hell. Gary may have been the love of your life since childhood, but if you plan to marry him, it's important you get a glimpse of what you may be in for.

There are self-help groups for the friends and family of addicts. Join one of them. (Visit Nar-Anon.org to find the nearest meeting.) If you do, you will meet other individuals who are involved with people who have a drug addiction and learn about the challenges that will face both of you.

DEAR ABBY: A longtime friend of mine, "Jenny," and I reunited after years of not speaking. Our pregnancies brought us back together, and since the births of our children we have had playdates, shared baby stories, advice, etc.

My problem is, Jenny tries to pass down stained, out-of-season clothes from her child to mine. (She gets free handouts from organizations that help moms and families who aren't financially well off.) She and her child's father drive brand-new cars with hefty car payments, and they are paying a big mortgage -- all the while collecting assistance.

It bothers me because, while we struggle, my family doesn't use assistance. We feel it should be used only for those who really need it. Am I silly for letting something like this get to me? I find myself making excuses to cancel playdates and avoid her. -- MAKING MY OWN WAY IN VIRGINIA

DEAR MAKING: Your problem isn't the baby clothes. It's that you disapprove of Jenny's values. While you have some things in common, you also have major differences. Among them, your choice to work for what you get and her willingness to game the system. That's a big difference, and you're not being silly.

DEAR ABBY: Back in 2013, a co-worker, "Jamie," and I fell in love. Both of us were married to other people, but everything felt perfect. It was a feeling I never had for anyone in my life before. Three years later, I lost my job. The day I was terminated, my wife found out I had been cheating, so I ended the affair.

I have found full-time work and I'm still married, but I'm not in love with my wife like I am with Jamie. I have tried to stay in contact with her to prove to her that I'm a better man, with little success. She told me I was her only love, but I broke her heart.

She doesn't want to see me, even after several years of my trying to prove that I am the man she fell in love with. Her husband doesn't know anything. She's afraid I may break it off again. Should I continue pursuing her or give up and move on? I thought I could handle it on my own, but I need some advice. -- MISSING HER IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR MISSING HER: If you and Jamie really loved each other, you would no longer be married to your spouses. Having been dumped by you once, your former lover has a point. Give up and move on and you will save yourself, your wife, Jamie and her husband a lot of pain.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a pediatric RN at a large hospital. Sadly, I have seen too many young children die. I have learned to keep a professional distance, so that I can take care of the children and their families. I never give out my phone number, social media or email address, and I try not to let the parents ever see my struggle. But every once and a while, I can't help caring beyond "professional."

We just lost a beautiful little one who had spent a year and a half receiving care off and on in the hospital, and I'm heartbroken. The family has asked for nurses and doctors to attend the funeral, and I really want to. But how do I explain why I go to some funerals and not others? -- HEARTBROKEN ONCE AGAIN

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: You don't have to explain. I can't imagine anyone actually counting the number of funerals/memorials you attend and asking a question like that. However, if anyone should, say that you can't attend them all because the loss of these little angels takes such a heavy toll on your heart. It's the truth.

DEAR ABBY: My late wife passed away two years ago. We always had a dog in our house. He died a year ago. I now have a new lady love in my life, but she doesn't want a pet in her house. I'm dying to have another dog, and I don't know what to do. Please advise. -- PETLESS IN TEXAS

DEAR PETLESS: Eligible widowers are a prized commodity. If your idea of happiness is having a house dog, find yourself a lady who loves animals as you do. It shouldn't be difficult.