DEAR ABBY: I'm a 35-year-old gay man who has been in a serious relationship for five years. During the last year, my significant other, "Grady," has grown very close with a female co-worker of mine he met at my office party. (I'll call her Tina.) They have become inseparable, and when they aren't hanging out, he's constantly texting and calling her.

At first I didn't have a problem with it, but lately I'm getting some strange vibes. Grady always said he was never attracted to women, but I have caught him ogling Tina when she's at our pool in her bikini. He acts like a jealous boyfriend when men approach her and even ran off a couple she briefly dated.

Yesterday there was a fire in the building where I work, and everyone was forced to evacuate. Last night I discovered that when Grady heard it on the radio, he left his job to come and get Tina and drive her home. Not once did he attempt to contact me to see how I was doing.

When I confronted him, he argued that Tina doesn't have a car (which is true), and said he was worried because she's "just a kid." But, Abby, she's not a kid. Tina is 25 years old and capable of calling a taxi or asking for a ride. I told him that rather than leave work, he could have called me and asked me to drive her home. Later he admitted that she hadn't tried to contact him -- that his worry drove him to come and get her, which indicates to me that something more is going on.

Am I overreacting like he says, or should I be worried I'm about to lose my man? -- JEALOUS IN TEXAS

DEAR JEALOUS: Grady does seem fixated on Tina. I have heard of straight men repressing their homosexual feelings until they are middle-aged, so I suppose it's possible for a gay man to discover that he's bisexual. That said, I'm not sure you are overreacting. Whether Tina is a threat to your relationship only he can answer.

If Grady is willing to go with you, relationship counseling should be available at your nearest gay and lesbian community center. I suggest this because the two of you may need an unbiased referee to prevent an honest conversation about your feelings from degenerating into an argument.

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws (whom I love) stay with us twice a year and we entertain them while they're here. Whenever they are in town, my husband's ex-wife insists on meeting them for lunch.

It has been 10 years since my husband and his ex were divorced. They have adult children. Her inclusion hurts my feelings, and I suspect my in-laws are just afraid of hurting the ex's feelings. She is remarried, too. How would you feel? -- TIRED OF IT IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TIRED: I would feel less threatened than you apparently do, and this is how I would handle it: I'd keep the visit positive, and realize the ex is ancient history. I would not let her presence ruin the visit. Your in-laws are adults. If they didn't want to see her, they would find a way to tell her that they couldn't fit her in. If necessary, I would also remind myself that their having lunch with her has nothing to do with the relationship they have with me, which is what I recommend you do.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "James" for almost a year. Things have been rough for him recently. His depression has led to school attendance issues, but we got through it.

The problem is James' mother. She's well meaning, and she has always been incredibly sweet to me, but she has started texting and questioning me about how I am doing, regarding her son and the "trials" he brings to our relationship (or her perception of them). I appreciate her concern, but it makes me very uncomfortable.

Perhaps she asks out of concern for me, but it seems like she's trying to speak on his behalf or defend him somehow, which makes me feel awful. How can I explain to her that something which is meant to be as simple as "Are you doing OK?" is hurting me? -- TWISTED UP

DEAR TWISTED UP: If James' depression is severe enough that it is interfering with his education, his mother has a right to be concerned. She may be trying to assess its severity by reaching out to you. On the other hand, "How are you doing?" can be classified as an innocent question.

Because you are uncomfortable with the way these conversations are going, respond that you are fine and ask her how she is doing. You do not have to engage in conversations with anyone who makes you uncomfortable, and if someone ventures into sensitive territory, you have every right to say you prefer not to discuss it and change the subject. If she wants information about her son, the person she should be asking is him.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is still working, although he will retire in a few years. We have been in our home since 1987. It is comfortable, but it's too big for us and too much work now. Our grandkids live four hours away, and we are thinking about moving near them. My son's in-laws have already relocated from New York.

I am having terrible anxiety about leaving my home and our large lot, which is covered with beautiful trees in all seasons. We have looked at "over-55" communities, and the yards are small and treeless. I love my trees -- especially the magnolia my husband and sons planted many years ago. I also adore seeing all the birds and wildlife.

How do other relocators handle the move? I know I should focus on the positive aspects, such as getting rid of our clutter and being near the grands, but I'm having trouble with this. Help, please. -- GETTING READY IN GEORGIA

DEAR GETTING READY: I'm glad you wrote now, because you have lots of time to plan the move you are considering. If what you will miss the most about your home is the trees, perhaps the over-55 communities in the area to which you are relocating are not for you. Take some time, talk with a real estate agent and explore what smaller homes might be right for you. However, if an over-55 community is a must, perhaps you can find one that's near a park where you can go and enjoy the trees and wildlife.

As to the memories you will leave behind, you will always have them to look back on, and you will be creating new ones every day.

DEAR ABBY: I am married to a great man, but he's very tight with his money. We found out early in our relationship that we couldn't have a joint account because it caused so much fighting.

We share our bills, but I am broke all the time. I have credit card debt he doesn't know about. (He hates being in debt.) I have had a problem with credit cards before, and he threatened that if it happened again, we are done. How do I tell him I have more credit card debt without losing him? -- SWIMMING IN DEBT

DEAR SWIMMING: Go online and begin researching accredited or certified credit counselors. Make sure the one you choose is affiliated with the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (nfcc.org). While you're at it, get on the internet and locate the nearest chapter of Debtors Anonymous. It's a 12-step program group for individuals who cannot control their spending. You will find it at www.debtorsanonymous.org.

Because you are compulsive about abusing credit cards, prepare yourself for the fact that you may have to get rid of all of them. And when (not if) you inform your husband about what's been going on, be sure he knows you are willing to do that. I wish you luck and recovery.

DEAR ABBY: My first wife, "Charlene," died eight years ago from an accident caused by her diabetes. Six months after her funeral, I was introduced to a lovely woman and subsequently married her. When I told my former mother-in-law I had started seeing someone, she asked me to cease all contact with her and the rest of the family. I complied with her wish.

Since Charlene's death, I have kept her personal photo album. It contains pictures and memorabilia from when she was a child and teenager. I also have some afghans her grandmother made for her. I would like to return them to her parents, but I'm afraid of the potential pain it could cause.

I considered writing her mother a letter letting her know I have these things and would like to return them. I know there's really no way of easing into this. I'm pretty sure, however, that a mom would like to have her daughter's things. Your advice would be appreciated. -- TREADING LIGHTLY

DEAR TREADING: Because the items belonged to her daughter, box them up and send them to your ex-mother-in-law. And when you do, include a note explaining that you thought she would like to have them. Period.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column often, and it appears to me that if everyone would just take a few moments to step back and think, "What if someone said/did this to me? How would I feel?" the world would be a smidge kinder. What do you think? Is it that simple, or am I just simple-minded? -- PONDERING IN ALBUQUERQUE

DEAR PONDERING: You are not simple-minded. You are paraphrasing a variation of the Golden Rule, which is found in the Bible and has been preached from the pulpit since it was written. We need to apply it now more than ever. And yes, it is just that simple.