life

Loyal Worker Is Out of a Job Following Knee Replacements

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 6th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: After 16 years of loyal and dedicated service to my employer, I find myself out of work. Months ago, I needed double knee replacements. I gave him three months' notice about my surgery, planning to return on June 1. It was a one-girl office; I was responsible for all the administrative duties.

When I called my employer, he said, "Sorry. No work," and hung up on me! I am 64 years old and jobless. I haven't written a resume in more than 20 years. How do I start rebuilding my life?

Life is not kind when you are over 50, and I never thought this day would come. I had intended to work until I was 70. I can't think straight, and am hurt beyond words that I was tossed to the curb after being a loyal and dedicated employee all these years. -- DEEPLY HURT

DEAR DEEPLY HURT: You have my sympathy. For your boss to have kicked you while you were down is disgraceful. Run this scenario by an attorney who specializes in labor issues and ask if you have any recourse. Although you can't think straight right now, I assure you the lawyer will be able to advise you with a dispassionate eye.

And while you are at it, start constructing your resume. Although there may not be a job opening in the field you were working in, surely there is work for someone with a 16-year history of loyal service to one employer and the skills you have acquired and polished along the way.

Work & School
life

Sister Thinks Twice About Helping Cheating Brother

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 6th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My brother "Nick" was married for 17 years until he got caught cheating on his wife with her much-younger niece. He's 34; she's 20. They say they are in love.

Nick has come home to be near family because he has been a stay-at-home dad for the last four years and doesn't have the means to start over without help. (They lived 10 hours away.) The problem is, he has asked to stay with me, which would've been fine, but he's bringing along his new love. We all love Nick's wife, and they have three children together. To let his lover stay here with him feels like a betrayal of my sister-in-law.

Out of all the siblings, I have the most room (we are recent empty nesters), and I could swing it financially. I suppose I should just get over it and help because he's family, but I'm afraid my husband won't be so forgiving. -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR CAUGHT: It's difficult, but I'll refrain from commenting on your brother's morals or judgment. Whether you should get into the middle of this mess because Nick is family isn't a question I can answer. And you won't know the answer until after you have discussed it with your husband.

P.S. I'm so mad I changed my mind about not being judgmental. It would be poetic justice if the niece met a handsome hunk her age and dumped your brother.

Family & ParentingMarriage & DivorceMoney
life

Idea to Celebrate Stepparents Gains Traction Across Country

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 5th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: In 1985 I met a lovely divorced lady with two adorable children. The three of us got along well. A year later I married into this family. Until then I had no children of my own.

The kids had regular visits with their father. The first Father's Day after I married their mom, we arranged for them to spend the weekend with him. When they returned home that Sunday night, they were exhausted and off to bed they went.

I did some thinking about the idea of celebrating holidays and realized there are holidays in every month except August. (Even a rodent gets his day in February.) My family and I discussed it and came up with the idea for a Step Parents' Day on the second Sunday in August. When that day arrived, we all went to church and then to brunch. The kids gave me cards and a nice gift. It was a wonderful day, and it became a tradition every year after that.

I wrote a letter about it to our mayor. He sent me back an official-looking document with his signature proclaiming the second Sunday in August to be Step Parents' Day in our city. It was gratifying.

Abby, your readers in blended families may want to observe this special day, too. -- STEPDAD IN OHIO

DEAR STEPDAD: Your letter made me smile. When I went online to learn more about it, I discovered that, for more than 20 years, there has been a National Stepfamily Day observed on Sept. 16. You may want to consider adding it to your calendar because it's a day that celebrates all members of the blended family, not just the parents.

Family & ParentingHolidays & Celebrations
life

Fur Flies as Sister and Fiancee Spar Over a Text

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 5th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My future sister-in-law, "Leta," and her daughter came from overseas to visit for a few weeks. It was their first time in the U.S. They had never met my family, and I decided a bowling excursion would be a good way for them to meet my sister "Eileen" and her family. We all had a great time.

Later that evening, Eileen texted me saying a friend of hers was recently diagnosed with lipedema and Leta may have it as well, based on her body type. I ignored the text but didn't think to delete it.

A few days later my fiancee saw the text. Now she's furious with my sister. My fiancee says Eileen was "rude and judgmental," and she shouldn't judge someone she just met because Eileen isn't in the medical profession. Eileen says she was only pointing out something she had noticed and wanted us to know in case my future sister-in-law ever complained about it. Was my sister out of line to do it? -- STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Not knowing Eileen, I won't accuse her of being rude or judgmental. Her motive may have been pure when she mentioned her concerns in light of her friend's diagnosis. While your fiancee had a point when she said your sister doesn't have the expertise to make a medical diagnosis, the text that upset her was meant for you, not her, and she shouldn't have been reviewing it without your permission.

Family & ParentingHealth & Safety
life

Hormones May Be to Blame for Unexpected Mood Swings

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 4th, 2018

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Crying Myself to Sleep" (June 2), who is having drastic mood swings, including crying, depression and anger. I experienced these, and it was not only horrible, but also scary.

My doctors figured out my problem was caused by a hormonal imbalance. Since the body makes many different types of hormones, the doctors needed to find out which one(s) were involved in the disturbance.

Instead of going for psychological help first, I suggest she go for physical testing. She should see her regular M.D., her gynecologist and an endocrinologist (a hormonal specialist) to discover exactly what's going on. If an imbalance isn't the cause, her doctor may suggest considering other options. If everything physical is ruled out, seek counseling. She should not give up on finding out the source of her problem. -- BEEN THERE AND NOW DOING GREAT

DEAR BEEN THERE: I'm pleased you're doing well and thank you for sharing. Many readers offered theories about what may be causing "Crying's" mood swings, and they are worth considering. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As a psychiatrist, I've had patients with similar complaints. Before she pursues therapy, I would recommend keeping a calendar/journal for a few months to note when the episodes occur. While people tend to identify events as "random," I have had patients who, once they kept track, realized the episodes were always a few days before the onset of their period. It is always wise to rule out a physical explanation before devoting time and energy to a psychological one. -- GLEN IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: My doctor recommended I keep a food and exercise diary along with documenting my mood swings. Before long "Crying" may see a connection to what she's eating/not eating. Many young women starve themselves until late in the day and then eat junk food, which can play havoc on their emotional state. Lifestyle changes and clean eating can help. -- MELANIE IN COLORADO

DEAR ABBY: All your suggestions to "Crying" were good, but she also needs to consult her doctor and have a complete blood workup done. She could very well be diabetic or have a low or high thyroid problem. Either one could cause her mood swings, and thyroid problems can cause a lot of symptoms that mimic other diseases. -- LANELLE IN GEORGIA

DEAR ABBY: In addition to the resources you included in your answer, there are also nonprofit clinics called Federally Qualified Health Centers (FQHCs), which offer services regardless of a patient's ability to pay. I am a child, adolescent and adult psychiatrist and I work for such a clinic. We have counselors and therapists who could help someone like "Crying" get to the bottom of her problem. -- DR. SANDRA V.

DEAR CARING READERS: I want to thank you for reaching out to offer resources to "Crying Myself to Sleep." I hope they will help her to resolve her mood swings.

Health & SafetyMental Health

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