life

Friends Add to Woman's Grief by Not Being There for Her

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 27th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a retired woman living in a condo complex that houses mostly seniors. During the eight years I have lived here, I've always participated in several monthly social events, and have served on the condo association board. I know most of the other residents and count many of them as friends.

A couple of years ago, my dad moved in with me so I could care for him. The early evening he passed away, there were many emergency vehicles. Shockingly, not one of my neighbors came over. The police wouldn't leave me alone, and it took a while for another relative to get here. The next day, a neighborhood representative called to ask me what had happened.

Am I right in feeling hurt that my friends didn't care enough to check on things right away? They knew my situation. -- HURT IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR HURT: The reason many people would stay away from a scene like you describe might be that, because a lot was going on, they didn't want to intrude. Before jumping to conclusions about why your friends didn't contact you immediately, ask them why they didn't and give them an opportunity to explain.

Friends & NeighborsDeath
life

Man Doing Laundry Has Simple Request for Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 27th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for seven years. It's the second marriage for both of us, and I'm getting ready to retire.

I do our laundry. She works very hard in her profession, and I do it because I enjoy the feeling of a job well done and doing something nice for her. However, my wife refuses, in spite of my repeatedly asking, to turn her clothes right-side out before putting them in the laundry basket. It takes me at least 30 minutes every wash day to correct her clothes before washing.

This is an ongoing annoyance. Her response usually is, "If you don't like it, don't do my laundry!" Am I asking too much? Is her habit so ingrained that she can't change it? -- HUSBAND IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM

DEAR HUSBAND: Many people wash their clothes inside out because they think it gets the garment cleaner or they're afraid that washing the items right-side out will cause fading. Between you and me, I think your wife's suggestion is a good one. Let her wash her own clothes for a while, and you may find she becomes more cooperative.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Nieces Bury Aunt Under Pile of Family Photos

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 27th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My nieces send me pictures of their children on every occasion. I love them, but I don't understand why they think I want prints. I'd rather view them online. Is there a way I can tell them without damaging our relationship, or must I continue to keep my mouth shut and throw the photos into an ever-growing pile? -- AUNTIE-PIC

DEAR AUNTIE-PIC: It should offend no one if you "suggest" that you would love to view these lovely photos online rather than have your nieces "go to the expense" of printing and mailing them to you. Then cross your fingers and pray they take the hint.

Family & Parenting
life

Visits With Parents Bring Tears to Daughter's Eyes

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 26th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My parents live a simple life, enjoying their days as retirees. They invite me to join them for special occasions at their house (my childhood home) and although the house is organized and tidy, I become ill when I spend more than a few hours under their roof.

Their cleaning practices are questionable. They simply rinse plates and utensils after use, as opposed to using the dishwasher. Within an hour of arriving, the dust makes my allergies and asthma flare up. They prefer to launder clothes, sheets, blankets, etc. only occasionally out of concern about "wasting water" and money. Their dog and cat have urinated throughout the house, and my parents claim to not be able to smell it.

I don't want to hurt their feelings by declining their invitations, but I can't stand to get sick every time I walk through their door. Help! -- SNEEZING IN THE SUBURBS

DEAR SNEEZING: You're right, you can't. That's why it's time to speak up and tell your parents your allergies flare up when you visit their house. If you're expected to spend the night there, tell them that from now on you'll sleep at a hotel/motel nearby. And before using them, either wash their eating utensils or take your parents out for meals, which will make it easier on all of you.

Health & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Dad Objects to Son's Attendance at Gay Pride Parade

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 26th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife took my 8-year-old son to a gay pride parade last week. She snapped a picture of him holding a rainbow flag and posted it to social media.

I don't feel comfortable with my son attending gay pride parades. I think he's too young to be exposed to this kind of thing. I'm not concerned about him being gay, that's not the issue. Some attendees of these parades can be sexually provocative.

I want my son to be a kid and have a happy childhood. What's a good way to talk to his mother about this? -- HAPPY CHILDHOOD IN THE EAST

DEAR HAPPY: Children exposed to adult activities should be prepared beforehand. Of course, much depends on the maturity level of the child.

The police usually keep a close watch on these gatherings to ensure public safety. Children younger than 8 have attended these parades with their parents or other loved ones with no unpleasant aftereffects. If anything obscene had happened at the event your ex-wife took the boy to, you would have heard about it. Feeling as you do, you should absolutely raise this subject with your ex -- if only so she can reassure you.

Sex & GenderFamily & Parenting
life

Man's Refusal to Wear Wedding Ring Gets Under Wife's Skin

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 26th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I will soon celebrate our 32nd wedding anniversary. It bothers me increasingly that he doesn't wear a wedding ring. He says a ring bothers him when he is working, but he has been retired for most of our marriage. He wears a chain with two pendants as well as a large gold bracelet every day.

When I bring it up, he says he tells everyone he meets that he's married or mentions me in conversation. I'm not worried about him being unfaithful. I just like the way a ring looks and makes me feel. Advice? -- SYMBOLIC IN FLORIDA

DEAR SYMBOLIC: You have been married -- I presume happily -- for 32 years. Not every man is comfortable wearing a ring. (My husband happens to be one of them.) My advice is to stop obsessing, let it go and let him be himself.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Photo of Naked Stepsister Is No Longer a Laughing Matter

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 25th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I don't like my stepsister, and when she stays with us, I'm forced to share a room with her. The last time she was here I got so mad at her I pretended to send a text message on my cell and secretly took a picture of her as she got out of the shower. I knew it was wrong, but it seemed funny at the time.

I sent it to my boyfriend because he doesn't like her either, even though he thinks she has a "hot body." I thought it would be a joke just between us, but he sent it to some of his friends, and now it's making the rounds. Luckily, she goes to a different school, so nobody has recognized her, but I'm scared someone will. I'd give anything to take back what I did. What should I do? -- SCARED STEPSISTER

DEAR SCARED STEPSISTER: You should be scared. What you did was shameful and dangerous. Not only was it an invasion of privacy, it is also a crime -- distribution of a pornographic image of a minor. Now that photo is on the internet, you will not be able to take it back.

Pray that no one in your family finds out, or you may be grounded, like, forever, and your boyfriend will be history. If the news does get back to your family, prepare yourself for a punishment like no other.

TeensFamily & Parenting
life

Affair Ends When Woman Hears Wife's Side of the Story

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 25th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 20 years and recently had an affair with a woman I'll call "Susan" I care very much about. My marriage was already in the final stages of failure by the time we met.

Over the last two weeks, I stayed at Susan's house on the nights I worked. Two days ago, without telling me, she went to talk to my wife to "get her side of the story." She believed everything my wife said and broke up with me. Susan has now blocked my phone number and told me to leave her alone.

Is it worth trying to reach out to her? Susan knew when I met her that I was married and continued seeing me. I told her the wife and I were separating but living in the same house until the lease ends. She thinks I lied to her, which I never did. I was always honest with her. What do you think happened? -- DUMPED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DUMPED: It appears that your side of the story wasn't enough for Susan. She identified with whatever she was told and accepted it lock, stock and barrel. Because she wasn't mature enough to discuss it with you, she decided to cut and run instead.

Lesson for you: Move out before you start dating again. It's not going to be forever -- just until the lease ends.

Love & DatingMarriage & Divorce
life

Boss's Personal Conversations Are Too Public

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 25th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My desk is situated right outside my boss's office. Her elderly father is in failing health, and while I'm not unsympathetic, each day for 30 to 40 minutes she takes personal phone calls with his daytime caregiver. The calls are always on her speakerphone with her office door wide open. I'm in a cubicle, so I have no door to close. Is there a polite way to encourage her to rectify this? -- NOT DEAF IN SEATTLE

DEAR NOT DEAF: Yes. As tactfully as you can, ask your boss if she would mind if you close her door for the duration of those conversations because they distract you from doing your work.

Work & School

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Footprints
  • Too Old
  • Lukewarm Water
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • LW Reaches End of Financial and Emotional Rope
  • Daughter Keeps House Too Dark for Mom's Comfort
  • Adult Child Is Asked to Convey Angry Messages Between Divorcing Parents
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal