DEAR ABBY: As a child, I suffered a lot of abuse from my parents until I finally, at 13, opened up to a teacher. I was removed from my house and spent the remainder of my youth in various foster homes. I never felt like I had a home or family until I was an adult and made my own.

I have cut all ties with my biological family, as I am happier and more sane without them. They have never shown remorse for their abuse, and I feel my children's safety would be jeopardized if I were to rekindle a relationship with them.

The problem is, co-workers and sometimes even strangers at my retail job ask me about my children's grandparents. When I explain that we have a "strained" relationship, they often tell me I need to get over it, learn to forgive or that I'll regret not mending things. Am I wrong for wanting to maintain a distance? How can I assert my position firmly without giving too much detail? -- CUT OFF BY CHOICE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CUT OFF: You are not obligated to give a detailed response to these individuals, who may only be trying to make conversation when they ask. All you need to say is that "the grandparents are not involved." There could be many reasons for it, but you don't have to share them. If you are questioned further say, "I'd rather not discuss it."

P.S. While forgiveness may work in some situations, when a family is so dysfunctional that the children must be removed from the home, those children are not obligated to forgive what was done to them!

DEAR ABBY: I married right out of high school, 20 years ago. We have two amazing kids in their late teens -- a son in college and a daughter in her last year of high school.

I haven't been in love with my wife for a very long time. I have tried everything to bring those feelings back, including talking with her about it, but the feelings just aren't there anymore.

When I first realized I was no longer in love with her, I was going to file for divorce, but my kids were little. I didn't want to put them through that, so I pushed my happiness aside. Now the kids are doing great, I'm still miserable and I don't know what to do anymore.

Sometimes I feel I don't deserve to be happy, but doesn't my happiness count? Must I continue putting on a fake smile and pretending to be happy, or is it time for me to look out for my happiness? -- MISERABLE IN MAINE

DEAR MISERABLE: Talk to your wife again about the fact that you haven't been happy for many years. Unless you are an Academy Award-winning actor, she probably won't be shocked. Delay separating until your daughter has left for college, and in the meantime, give marriage counseling a shot, even if you already have. If, after that, nothing has improved, try to keep the divorce as amicable as possible for the sake of everyone concerned. A divorce mediator may be able to help you through the process.

DEAR ABBY: "Charlotte" and I have been friends for 16 years, ever since we met in college. She lives several states away, so we see each other only once a year when she and her family come to town for a long weekend. Beyond this annual get-together, we never chat on the phone, and communication is pretty much limited to social media.

I have known Charlotte's (now) husband for 16 years as well, and never cared for him. When they became engaged, none of our friends thought she would actually marry him. He seems to get worse every time I see him, and it has reached the point that I can barely stand to be in the same room with him.

Unfortunately, Charlotte's kids take after their dad. They are spoiled, nasty, mean children and a bad influence on my young son. Charlotte and her family were in town for their annual visit recently. Afterward I told my husband I didn't enjoy it and dread the next one.

Charlotte's husband has now suggested they tag along on our next family vacation! Abby, it would ruin our trip. I don't want to go on vacation if they come with us. Charlotte is still as sweet and lovely as ever, but I do not want to see her husband or children again. What should I do? -- HANGING ON FOR NOW

DEAR HANGING ON: Ignore the "suggestion" Charlotte's husband made. Because the two of you talk so infrequently, the subject may not come up again. A solution to your problem might be as simple as suggesting to Charlotte that the two of you have a "girls' weekend" together rather than a family vacation. Then cross your fingers that she's receptive.

DEAR ABBY: Men know that when shaking another man's hand, the grip should be firm. A firm handshake is polite and -- let's be honest -- a point of masculine pride. But when I shake a woman's hand, I'm never sure what kind of grip to use

When I'm shaking a woman's hand, I use a grip that is less firm than I would use with a man. Is this sexist? Sometimes I worry that even my lighter-than-normal grip is too firm, especially if she is older. On the other hand, I'm embarrassed if her grip is firm and mine is not. Sometimes I need to adjust my grip midway through the handshake to match the woman's, but then I feel silly doing it. Can you offer any guidance? -- HANDING IT OFF IN TENNESSEE

DEAR HANDING: I'll try. The first thing to remember is that a handshake is not a litmus test for masculinity -- at least not with women. While a limp handshake from either sex is a turnoff, one that is too strong can be painful -- particularly if the fingers being squeezed happen to have rings on them. It isn't silly to offer a lady a "medium" handshake, and adjust the firmness if she has a firm grip. It's sensible, not sexist.

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, someone I thought was my best friend betrayed me. I had developed a relationship with a married mutual friend. My best friend felt it was her "right and duty" to out us to our spouses. The affair ended and both of our marriages survived, but our friendship did not.

She has now tried to contact me wanting to be friends again. While I do miss her friendship, she did not have the right to do what she did, and she has never acknowledged that what she did was wrong. Should I step up and be the bigger person and accept her friend request or ignore it? -- AT A LOSS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR AT A LOSS: Being self-protective won't make you a smaller person, only a safer one. If you would like to welcome back into your life a person who betrayed your confidence -- by all means open the door. I sure wouldn't, but then again, I'm not you.

DEAR ABBY: I have a boyfriend (18) who is a dreamer. He doesn't really consider reality. At 16, I am a realist. I love him to death and we are very happy, but I often come off rude when I give him reality checks when he's trying to be romantic and sweet.

I love that he's romantic, but I'm afraid of his romantic ideas because I know they are too good to be true. Then again, I'm afraid of him not being romantic and losing himself. How do I learn to accept his love as love and not as a threat? How do I not come off rude when I feel he's not being realistic? Please help me, because I don't want to lose him. -- ROMANCE DILEMMA

DEAR DILEMMA: Because you're a realist, allow me to point something out. There's a saying, "A fish and a zebra may fall in love, but they can't live together." You may not want to lose your boyfriend, but the odds of this romance becoming something permanent aren't great because you think so differently. For the time being, when he's waxing poetic about his dreams for the future, keep your lips firmly sealed instead of shooting him down.

DEAR ABBY: I work in an expensive store that closes at 9 p.m. Clients often walk in here two minutes before we shut the door and spend 20 to 30 minutes inside before leaving. We employees still have to clean after they leave and, after eight hours of working, we just want to get home to our families. Shouldn't shoppers be considerate and refrain from coming in if they know they will be here past closing, or does it not matter? -- JUST WANTS TO GO HOME IN DELAWARE

DEAR JUST: It would be nice if shoppers were more considerate, but part of being in high-end sales is customer service, even though not all of the patrons are as thoughtful as you would like them to be. I'm sure your employer feels these individuals should be catered to, and part of your job is to make them feel welcome regardless of the time. It may not seem fair, but business is business.