DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, someone I thought was my best friend betrayed me. I had developed a relationship with a married mutual friend. My best friend felt it was her "right and duty" to out us to our spouses. The affair ended and both of our marriages survived, but our friendship did not.

She has now tried to contact me wanting to be friends again. While I do miss her friendship, she did not have the right to do what she did, and she has never acknowledged that what she did was wrong. Should I step up and be the bigger person and accept her friend request or ignore it? -- AT A LOSS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR AT A LOSS: Being self-protective won't make you a smaller person, only a safer one. If you would like to welcome back into your life a person who betrayed your confidence -- by all means open the door. I sure wouldn't, but then again, I'm not you.

DEAR ABBY: I have a boyfriend (18) who is a dreamer. He doesn't really consider reality. At 16, I am a realist. I love him to death and we are very happy, but I often come off rude when I give him reality checks when he's trying to be romantic and sweet.

I love that he's romantic, but I'm afraid of his romantic ideas because I know they are too good to be true. Then again, I'm afraid of him not being romantic and losing himself. How do I learn to accept his love as love and not as a threat? How do I not come off rude when I feel he's not being realistic? Please help me, because I don't want to lose him. -- ROMANCE DILEMMA

DEAR DILEMMA: Because you're a realist, allow me to point something out. There's a saying, "A fish and a zebra may fall in love, but they can't live together." You may not want to lose your boyfriend, but the odds of this romance becoming something permanent aren't great because you think so differently. For the time being, when he's waxing poetic about his dreams for the future, keep your lips firmly sealed instead of shooting him down.

DEAR ABBY: I work in an expensive store that closes at 9 p.m. Clients often walk in here two minutes before we shut the door and spend 20 to 30 minutes inside before leaving. We employees still have to clean after they leave and, after eight hours of working, we just want to get home to our families. Shouldn't shoppers be considerate and refrain from coming in if they know they will be here past closing, or does it not matter? -- JUST WANTS TO GO HOME IN DELAWARE

DEAR JUST: It would be nice if shoppers were more considerate, but part of being in high-end sales is customer service, even though not all of the patrons are as thoughtful as you would like them to be. I'm sure your employer feels these individuals should be catered to, and part of your job is to make them feel welcome regardless of the time. It may not seem fair, but business is business.

DEAR ABBY: I am tired of taking a backseat to my boyfriend's video game addiction. He comes home from work, sits on the couch and gets lost in his video games. It has gotten to the point where he barely speaks to me or even looks up from his game.

I know he chats with a lot of people, both male and female, on these games. I suspect he has inappropriate conversations that he feels are harmless because he won't meet these people in person.

Constantly being ignored is hurting my feelings. He never responds to my texts anymore because he's so busy on his game. I'm starting to feel resentful, lonely and very angry. Please advise me on what to do. -- ANGRY IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR ANGRY: Your boyfriend may or may not be a video game addict. If his conversations online are "inappropriate," he may be playing more than one kind of "game." If he feels that those conversations are harmless, he is mistaken because what he is doing isn't healthy for you or the relationship.

My advice? Give him an ultimatum: Modify his behavior or else, and if he refuses, end the romance before he damages your self-esteem. Being ignored has been known to do that. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: We are having a struggle in our family, and I'm unsure how to handle it. Three years ago, our adult nephew, "Connor," underwent hormone therapy, counseling and transgender surgery. She is now our niece "Cathy." The transformation was successful, and Cathy is happier than we've ever seen her. We loved Connor, and nothing has changed in our relationship with Cathy. She has visited us numerous times, and we have reciprocated.

The problem is Cathy's sister, "Amy." Amy has disowned Cathy. She says Connor "died to her" when he underwent the gender reassignment.

Not only is it heartbreaking for the whole family, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to maintain a relationship with Amy because of her rigid attitude. She boycotts family reunions and celebrations if Cathy will be present, even though family members have traveled from across the country to attend.

Amy is now expecting a baby, and I'm not feeling very celebratory toward her. Please advise. -- VERY SAD AUNT IN WISCONSIN

DEAR AUNT: From what you have written, it appears that by distancing herself from Cathy, Amy is isolating herself from the family. I understand that you may not wish to attend her baby shower, but if you don't, it would be nice to send something for the child. Amy may come around one day, so keep the door open.

DEAR ABBY: I am a female and my male friend, "Sam," is recently engaged to be married. I talk to him daily and invite him out to dinner sometimes.

Sam's fiancee, "Felicia," has expressed to both of us that she's uncomfortable with our relationship. She asked us to set "boundaries," but I feel Sam is my friend and friends shouldn't have boundaries. When I asked him out to dinner against her wishes, she became irate. Do you think I'm disrespecting their relationship? What should I do? -- FOREVER FRIEND IN CHICAGO

DEAR FRIEND: It is a mistake not to recognize that Sam's status has changed. If you value your friendship with him, you must start respecting the fact that he's now engaged and do as his fiancee has requested -- set some boundaries. If you cannot do that, you can kiss your friendship with Sam goodbye.

DEAR ABBY: I was widowed seven years ago. When my husband died, I thought it was the end of my suffering. It had been a mentally and physically abusive marriage for 30 years. We were complete opposites and were always financially stressed.

I have decided to start dating again. I want to meet someone and hopefully feel loved. I joined a dating website, but the men on it look disturbed and creepy. I have no friends, and I feel like I'm dying. I'm 57. Where are all the good men? I am at a loss.

My boss told me I should consider dating women since I have had no luck meeting men. She is pushing me into meeting her lesbian friend. Her friend was in an abusive marriage, and her husband is no longer in her life. Abby, I'm shocked that she would even suggest it.

I'm considering quitting my job because it's awkward being around my boss. She started joking about it with other co-workers until I told her to stop bringing up the subject. Even though she has curbed her tongue, the fact still remains that my co-workers know she wanted to match me with a woman. I cringe working around her and want to crawl under a rock. Please help. -- LONGING TO BE LOVED

DEAR LONGING: It's time to join some different dating sites and enlarge your pool of dating prospects. However, when you do, keep in mind that your marital history may have negatively affected your judgment about men. "Dating" does not carry with it a guarantee of love. Your relationship with your husband should have shown you that. Also, because a man doesn't photograph well does not mean he's disturbed or creepy. (One woman's creep can be another woman's Prince Charming.)

That said, if I ever heard about creating a hostile work environment, what your boss did is a textbook example and should have been discussed with HR. "Joking" about an employee's sexuality is considered to be both discriminatory and a form of sexual harassment. Her behavior was beyond the pale, and you should start looking for another job.

DEAR ABBY: My 47-year-old son is employed at a prestigious university. His position involves a considerable amount of travel.

Over the years, he always emailed us his travel plans along with flight information. Lately, he tells us when and where he is going but omits the flight, hotel information, etc. When we ask, our requests are ignored. When we tell him we think it's irresponsible for him not to share this information, his response is, "My secretary has the information if there are any problems."

We always give our children our travel information, flights, hotels, etc. when we travel. Our question is, are we out of line for wanting this information from him? -- LOVING PARENTS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR PARENTS: You are not out of line for wanting the information; you are out of line for insisting your adult son give it to you over his objection. Your son is 47. He is no longer a child. It's time to back off.