life

Hurt Turns to Anger as Video Games Consume Boyfriend

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 20th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am tired of taking a backseat to my boyfriend's video game addiction. He comes home from work, sits on the couch and gets lost in his video games. It has gotten to the point where he barely speaks to me or even looks up from his game.

I know he chats with a lot of people, both male and female, on these games. I suspect he has inappropriate conversations that he feels are harmless because he won't meet these people in person.

Constantly being ignored is hurting my feelings. He never responds to my texts anymore because he's so busy on his game. I'm starting to feel resentful, lonely and very angry. Please advise me on what to do. -- ANGRY IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR ANGRY: Your boyfriend may or may not be a video game addict. If his conversations online are "inappropriate," he may be playing more than one kind of "game." If he feels that those conversations are harmless, he is mistaken because what he is doing isn't healthy for you or the relationship.

My advice? Give him an ultimatum: Modify his behavior or else, and if he refuses, end the romance before he damages your self-esteem. Being ignored has been known to do that. Trust me.

Love & Dating
life

Niece Disowns Her Transgender Sister

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 20th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: We are having a struggle in our family, and I'm unsure how to handle it. Three years ago, our adult nephew, "Connor," underwent hormone therapy, counseling and transgender surgery. She is now our niece "Cathy." The transformation was successful, and Cathy is happier than we've ever seen her. We loved Connor, and nothing has changed in our relationship with Cathy. She has visited us numerous times, and we have reciprocated.

The problem is Cathy's sister, "Amy." Amy has disowned Cathy. She says Connor "died to her" when he underwent the gender reassignment.

Not only is it heartbreaking for the whole family, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to maintain a relationship with Amy because of her rigid attitude. She boycotts family reunions and celebrations if Cathy will be present, even though family members have traveled from across the country to attend.

Amy is now expecting a baby, and I'm not feeling very celebratory toward her. Please advise. -- VERY SAD AUNT IN WISCONSIN

DEAR AUNT: From what you have written, it appears that by distancing herself from Cathy, Amy is isolating herself from the family. I understand that you may not wish to attend her baby shower, but if you don't, it would be nice to send something for the child. Amy may come around one day, so keep the door open.

Family & ParentingSex & GenderHolidays & Celebrations
life

Woman's Friendship With Engaged Man Makes Fiancee Uncomfortable

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 20th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a female and my male friend, "Sam," is recently engaged to be married. I talk to him daily and invite him out to dinner sometimes.

Sam's fiancee, "Felicia," has expressed to both of us that she's uncomfortable with our relationship. She asked us to set "boundaries," but I feel Sam is my friend and friends shouldn't have boundaries. When I asked him out to dinner against her wishes, she became irate. Do you think I'm disrespecting their relationship? What should I do? -- FOREVER FRIEND IN CHICAGO

DEAR FRIEND: It is a mistake not to recognize that Sam's status has changed. If you value your friendship with him, you must start respecting the fact that he's now engaged and do as his fiancee has requested -- set some boundaries. If you cannot do that, you can kiss your friendship with Sam goodbye.

Marriage & DivorceFriends & Neighbors
life

Widow Returns to the Dating Pool and Finds Troubled Water

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 19th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I was widowed seven years ago. When my husband died, I thought it was the end of my suffering. It had been a mentally and physically abusive marriage for 30 years. We were complete opposites and were always financially stressed.

I have decided to start dating again. I want to meet someone and hopefully feel loved. I joined a dating website, but the men on it look disturbed and creepy. I have no friends, and I feel like I'm dying. I'm 57. Where are all the good men? I am at a loss.

My boss told me I should consider dating women since I have had no luck meeting men. She is pushing me into meeting her lesbian friend. Her friend was in an abusive marriage, and her husband is no longer in her life. Abby, I'm shocked that she would even suggest it.

I'm considering quitting my job because it's awkward being around my boss. She started joking about it with other co-workers until I told her to stop bringing up the subject. Even though she has curbed her tongue, the fact still remains that my co-workers know she wanted to match me with a woman. I cringe working around her and want to crawl under a rock. Please help. -- LONGING TO BE LOVED

DEAR LONGING: It's time to join some different dating sites and enlarge your pool of dating prospects. However, when you do, keep in mind that your marital history may have negatively affected your judgment about men. "Dating" does not carry with it a guarantee of love. Your relationship with your husband should have shown you that. Also, because a man doesn't photograph well does not mean he's disturbed or creepy. (One woman's creep can be another woman's Prince Charming.)

That said, if I ever heard about creating a hostile work environment, what your boss did is a textbook example and should have been discussed with HR. "Joking" about an employee's sexuality is considered to be both discriminatory and a form of sexual harassment. Her behavior was beyond the pale, and you should start looking for another job.

Work & SchoolAbuseSex & GenderLove & DatingDeath
life

Parents Are Miffed by Son's Refusal to Share Travel Details

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 19th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My 47-year-old son is employed at a prestigious university. His position involves a considerable amount of travel.

Over the years, he always emailed us his travel plans along with flight information. Lately, he tells us when and where he is going but omits the flight, hotel information, etc. When we ask, our requests are ignored. When we tell him we think it's irresponsible for him not to share this information, his response is, "My secretary has the information if there are any problems."

We always give our children our travel information, flights, hotels, etc. when we travel. Our question is, are we out of line for wanting this information from him? -- LOVING PARENTS IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR PARENTS: You are not out of line for wanting the information; you are out of line for insisting your adult son give it to you over his objection. Your son is 47. He is no longer a child. It's time to back off.

Family & Parenting
life

Grandma Is at a Loss for Words of Advice for Smitten Grandson

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 18th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have guardianship of my 12-year-old grandson. He has recently fallen head over heels for a girl in his class and wants to date her. I am out of touch with the younger generation, and I'm not sure how to answer his questions, like, "Does the boy or girl initiate the kiss?" I would appreciate knowing about any pamphlets or brochures you have for sale on this subject. Thank you. -- MARGARET O. IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MARGARET: Kids are maturing at younger ages than when we were growing up. Part of the reason may be that television, movies and the internet have exposed them to subjects we were not when we were their age. That said, not all of the information they receive from the media and their friends is accurate.

I'm glad you asked because I have a booklet that may be helpful. It's titled "What Every Teen Should Know," and it's filled with information on subjects such as, "How to know when you're ready to date," "Are you ready for sex?" "How old must a boy be before he can father a child?" and "Can a girl get pregnant the first time she has sex?"

A section on sexually transmitted diseases is also included. Because STDs need to be treated right away and ignoring or not recognizing the symptoms can have lifelong consequences, there is a list of the various STDs and what to do if you have one. You can order a booklet by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL, 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. The Teen booklet has been distributed in doctors' offices and used to promote discussions by educators and religious leaders, as well as parents who find it hard to discuss these topics with their children.

Review it before giving it to your grandson, so you can prepare beforehand to answer his questions or guide the conversation. The more information you can give him, the better prepared he will be to make intelligent decisions in the important years that lie ahead.

Family & ParentingLove & DatingTeensHealth & Safety
life

List of Contacts Would Help Survivors Spread Word of Loved One's Death

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 18th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am in my 80s. From time to time, when I have tried to contact a dear old friend or distant relative, I find they have recently passed away. Don't you think it would be a good idea for older people to make a short list of people we want contacted in case of serious illness or death? So many times our survivors have no idea who some of our friends are or how to contact them. -- GARY G. IN GEORGIA

DEAR GARY: I think your idea is a sensible one. The list should include not only names, but also contact information. Thank you for sharing this with me and my readers because -- let's face it -- nobody lives forever.

Death

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