DEAR ABBY: My daughter has graduated from high school. She had been in a residential treatment program for depression the year and a half prior to returning to this school. Her old friends had promised to be there for her when she returned.

After she was back for three months, her friends stopped inviting her to things and even talked behind her back in a group chat that was started by a different group. The girls' moms knew some of this was going on and did nothing about it. It has been a difficult journey for my daughter as well as for me.

Now that the girls have all graduated, I'm wondering if I should contact any of them or their moms and ask what happened. It was painful for me to watch my daughter go through weekends when her "friends" were out at parties she wasn't invited to. It was heartbreaking when no one came to her holiday or birthday parties. I am wondering if asking the girls/moms for an explanation can help my daughter learn from it. Please let me know what you think. -- MAMA BEAR OUT WEST

DEAR MAMA BEAR: Your daughter has survived high school, and along with it the cruel treatment of the girls who promised to befriend her. For that, I congratulate her.

Teenagers can be so completely centered on themselves that the feelings of others do not exist for them. Also, girls in high school tend to form cliques. Add to that the fact that there is so much misunderstanding about mental illness -- not only among teens but also adults -- and I have a pretty good idea of what happened and so should you.

What life lesson do you think exploring this with the other parents will accomplish for your daughter? Your efforts would be better spent by continuing to emotionally support her and encouraging her to move forward with her life.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's family is full of people who drink too much and then act like fools, slurring their words, stumbling and vomiting. It happens at many gatherings, and it stresses me out.

They often pressure me to drink more and/or get drunk. Because I don't do it, I feel ostracized at these gatherings where I'm told I need to "loosen up" or "cheer up" by drinking more. No one else in my life thinks I'm uptight. I'm normally very sociable.

These days, I avoid those family gatherings as often as possible, but I'm afraid I'm courting more problems by not participating in family activities. My relationship with my husband is fantastic, and he understands and supports me, but I don't feel like his family does. I've tried to be frank with them, but the conversations don't seem to stick. I can't avoid my husband's family forever. What to do? -- IN THE MINORITY IN LOUISIANA

DEAR MINORITY: Because you have told your in-laws that being urged to drink makes you uncomfortable yet they persist, you are doing all you can short of cutting off all contact with them. Continue to limit the times you attend those family events, and when asked about your absence, continue to be frank about the reason. Then hope they are sober enough to get the message when you deliver it.

DEAR ABBY: We have three grandchildren and are due to make our annual visit. Two of the children are easy to plan for, and we have good relationships with them. The third is a 12-year-old boy with Down syndrome, and we struggle with how to deal with him -- what to do and what to buy him. Any ideas? -- UNSURE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UNSURE: The most important thing you can bring with you on your visit is a heart filled with love, and the determination that your grandson will know you love him. Spending one-on-one time together would make him feel special. Every child needs validation and affection on their journey toward adulthood. With the self-confidence it brings, Down syndrome children can live full and happy lives.

The questions you're asking me are ones your grandson's parents can answer for you. What he could use and various activities you can share should be easy questions for them to answer.

I have printed a wonderful poem on this subject in my column before. It was written by Edna Massimilla, and I think it is timely. Edna is 102 now and still as energetic and "with it" as ever. Read on:

HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD

A meeting was held so far from Earth.

It was the time for another birth.

The Angels said to the Lord above --

"This special child will need much love.

"For progress may be very slow,

"Accomplishment may never show.

"This special child will need much care

"From the people way down there.

"This child may not talk, run or play,

"And thoughts may seem so far away.

"In many ways will not try to adapt

"Known as 'disabled' and 'handicapped.'

"Please be careful where this one is sent.

"We want this child to be so content.

"O please, Lord, find the parents who

"Will do a very special job for You.

"They will not realize right away

"The leading role that they have to play.

"But with this child sent from above

"Comes stronger faith, and richer love.

"Soon they'll know the privilege given

"In caring for their gift from Heaven.

"Their precious child, so meek and mild

"Is Heaven's very special child."

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old college student. After attending a local community college for two years, I will be starting classes at a four-year school. I make excellent grades, but I struggle with organization. My mother has ADD, and I am certain that I also have it because I display all the symptoms. However, I have never been diagnosed.

My mother purposely didn't have me diagnosed as a child because she didn't want me to feel like there was anything holding me back. Now that I'm an adult, I keep wondering if getting a diagnosis along with some mental and emotional support might help me to become more organized and successful in life. Any advice would be appreciated, along with any resources you might know of for people who have ADD or ADHD. -- ANONYMOUS IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Because you feel that receiving a diagnosis would be helpful, it's time to be evaluated by a mental health professional. If your college has a student health center, that's the place to start. If not, contact the psychological association in your state about a referral to a therapist who specializes in patients with adult attention deficit disorder. I wish you luck, because there is help for it.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating casually for about five months. He is busy and is often terrible about returning texts and phone calls. For his birthday, I bought him a gift that I had put a lot of thought into. We made plans to have dinner on his birthday, but when the time came to pick me up, he didn't show. Three hours after the agreed-upon time, he texted and canceled.

My question is about the gift. It wasn't extravagant, but I no longer have any interest in giving it to him when we do finally see each other (it's been a week since he canceled). Is it acceptable to simply pay for dinner? I'm hurt and frustrated with him, and that doesn't make me want to give him a gift. -- HURT IN TEXAS

DEAR HURT: If he had wanted to spend his birthday with you, he would have shown up. One of the ways people show they care about each other is by returning texts and initiating phone calls. Because your "boyfriend" hasn't done that, assume that he is not as interested in you as you are in him. Return the gift, if possible, and if he shows up again, do not buy the dinner. Shame on him.

DEAR ABBY: When my wife shops for clothes, she often returns something for exchange or reimbursement. Recently she bought an article of clothing and it shrank after she washed it, so she returned it. To me that was inappropriate. I think after a garment is washed it belongs to the buyer, and a return is wrong. Or am I wrong? -- RETURNED IN THE EAST

DEAR RETURNED: Personally, I agree with you -- unless the item was supposed to be shrink-resistant. However, because the retailer was willing to exchange it or reimburse your wife, it appears we are mistaken.