DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old college student. After attending a local community college for two years, I will be starting classes at a four-year school. I make excellent grades, but I struggle with organization. My mother has ADD, and I am certain that I also have it because I display all the symptoms. However, I have never been diagnosed.

My mother purposely didn't have me diagnosed as a child because she didn't want me to feel like there was anything holding me back. Now that I'm an adult, I keep wondering if getting a diagnosis along with some mental and emotional support might help me to become more organized and successful in life. Any advice would be appreciated, along with any resources you might know of for people who have ADD or ADHD. -- ANONYMOUS IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Because you feel that receiving a diagnosis would be helpful, it's time to be evaluated by a mental health professional. If your college has a student health center, that's the place to start. If not, contact the psychological association in your state about a referral to a therapist who specializes in patients with adult attention deficit disorder. I wish you luck, because there is help for it.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating casually for about five months. He is busy and is often terrible about returning texts and phone calls. For his birthday, I bought him a gift that I had put a lot of thought into. We made plans to have dinner on his birthday, but when the time came to pick me up, he didn't show. Three hours after the agreed-upon time, he texted and canceled.

My question is about the gift. It wasn't extravagant, but I no longer have any interest in giving it to him when we do finally see each other (it's been a week since he canceled). Is it acceptable to simply pay for dinner? I'm hurt and frustrated with him, and that doesn't make me want to give him a gift. -- HURT IN TEXAS

DEAR HURT: If he had wanted to spend his birthday with you, he would have shown up. One of the ways people show they care about each other is by returning texts and initiating phone calls. Because your "boyfriend" hasn't done that, assume that he is not as interested in you as you are in him. Return the gift, if possible, and if he shows up again, do not buy the dinner. Shame on him.

DEAR ABBY: When my wife shops for clothes, she often returns something for exchange or reimbursement. Recently she bought an article of clothing and it shrank after she washed it, so she returned it. To me that was inappropriate. I think after a garment is washed it belongs to the buyer, and a return is wrong. Or am I wrong? -- RETURNED IN THE EAST

DEAR RETURNED: Personally, I agree with you -- unless the item was supposed to be shrink-resistant. However, because the retailer was willing to exchange it or reimburse your wife, it appears we are mistaken.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 20 years old and have a job in retail. I have been working here for a few years and am in a higher position than most associates.

I'm in a relationship with my high school sweetheart, whom I truly love, but I am also crazy about my boss. She's beautiful, funny, and to be honest, I jumped at my promotion so I could get closer to her.

I feel terrible because, while I love my girlfriend (she's amazing), if I were given the chance to be with my boss, I'd have a hard time saying no. Thankfully, my boss is in a long-term marriage, so I know in my head I have no chance, but it hurts to go on every day thinking about her. I'd hate myself if I never told her how I feel about her. What should I do? -- REALLY CONFUSED IN RETAIL

DEAR REALLY CONFUSED: Because you are excelling in this retail job, consider asking your beautiful, funny, married boss to write a positive letter of recommendation for you so you can find another job in retail -- one that won't make you ache every time you clock in.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been asked to be in his sister's wedding. We said yes, mostly out of obligation.

There will be three married couples in the procession. I recently learned that my sister-in-law plans to have the couples split up and walk with others. I think it's extremely weird and rude, so much so that we want to back out. Neither of us cares to be in a memory book with us posing with other people. It's not that either of us is jealous; we have been married for 24 years. What do you think? -- FEELING OBLIGATED IN THE EAST

DEAR FEELING OBLIGATED: I think that before you take offense and back out, you should ask your sister-in-law why she wants to do this. It could be something as simple as variations in the height of the participants and not weird or rude. Between you and me, unless you and your husband feel so strongly about this that you are willing to create a rift in the family, you should go along with his sister's fantasy of her perfect day.

DEAR ABBY: I can't do anything for my 70-something-year-old mom without her thanking me so much it makes me uncomfortable. A recent example: She moved to a new apartment, and I bought her some gift certificates as a housewarming gift. She thanked me profusely via email when she received them. She thanked me again over the phone when I next spoke with her. She's thanked me at least half a dozen more times -- each time she uses one of them.

When my sister and I paid for a trip for her, she bought us expensive gifts as thank-yous. The gifts cost far more than she could afford (and unfortunately, in my case, was something I'd never use), which kind of negated the idea of us paying for the trip.

I know Mom means well. Should I say or do anything, or just let it be? -- THANKS-FULL SON IN SEATTLE

DEAR SON: If you say something, you risk embarrassing your mother or, worse, hurting her feelings. I vote for just letting it be.

DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law "Charles" has earned the privilege of being buried in a military cemetery. He lost his wife, "Claire," to cancer 10 years ago; she is buried in their plot in the military cemetery with a headstone. Their children are all adults now.

Charles has been seriously dating a divorcee, "Joyce," and they are talking about marriage. Joyce feels that for him to be committed to her in marriage, they should have a plot together. It's our understanding that only one wife is allowed to be buried in the military cemetery. This would mean Claire would have to be exhumed and transferred to another one.

I'm not sure how close Joyce is to her family, but she does have grown children. I suggested they get an outside opinion and a prenuptial agreement before they get married, which both would be agreeable to. What have others done in similar situations? -- CONCERNED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR CONCERNED: There are different types of military cemeteries in this country, 135 of which are maintained by the Department of Veterans Affairs National Cemetery Administration. (None of them are located in your state.) However, there are many state and private military cemeteries nationwide, and their rules may differ from those of the national. Because you didn't mention which category your brother-in-law's cemetery falls under, the best advice I can offer is to contact it and find out what its rules are in circumstances like this.

DEAR ABBY: I tend to be a people pleaser. So when my wife wanted to buy a home for us to raise a family in, I went along with her plan to move to her hometown. I wanted her to be happy, and I was excited about the home-purchasing process.

It's almost two years later, and I regret it. I'm not happy here. I miss my hometown where all my friends and family live. It's a beach town, a throwback to a time when everyone knew everyone and you could walk or bike-ride anywhere. People don't lock their doors, and homes are insulated from the streets and traffic, so kids can play freely outside. To me, it's the perfect town.

But there is no convincing my wife to try giving my hometown a shot as our full-time residence. Despite knowing we will never be able to own a summer house there, that's the "dream" my wife sells to me. I resent her because she got what she wants, and I just have to deal with it. Should I just accept my fate? -- RESENTFUL IN NEW YORK

DEAR RESENTFUL: I am sorry you are unhappy with the decision you made. Your wife may have wanted to move to her hometown because she felt her relatives could help out with your children, which is a plus. However, unless you find the strength to assert yourself, "accepting your fate" is exactly what you may have to do.