DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law "Charles" has earned the privilege of being buried in a military cemetery. He lost his wife, "Claire," to cancer 10 years ago; she is buried in their plot in the military cemetery with a headstone. Their children are all adults now.

Charles has been seriously dating a divorcee, "Joyce," and they are talking about marriage. Joyce feels that for him to be committed to her in marriage, they should have a plot together. It's our understanding that only one wife is allowed to be buried in the military cemetery. This would mean Claire would have to be exhumed and transferred to another one.

I'm not sure how close Joyce is to her family, but she does have grown children. I suggested they get an outside opinion and a prenuptial agreement before they get married, which both would be agreeable to. What have others done in similar situations? -- CONCERNED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR CONCERNED: There are different types of military cemeteries in this country, 135 of which are maintained by the Department of Veterans Affairs National Cemetery Administration. (None of them are located in your state.) However, there are many state and private military cemeteries nationwide, and their rules may differ from those of the national. Because you didn't mention which category your brother-in-law's cemetery falls under, the best advice I can offer is to contact it and find out what its rules are in circumstances like this.

DEAR ABBY: I tend to be a people pleaser. So when my wife wanted to buy a home for us to raise a family in, I went along with her plan to move to her hometown. I wanted her to be happy, and I was excited about the home-purchasing process.

It's almost two years later, and I regret it. I'm not happy here. I miss my hometown where all my friends and family live. It's a beach town, a throwback to a time when everyone knew everyone and you could walk or bike-ride anywhere. People don't lock their doors, and homes are insulated from the streets and traffic, so kids can play freely outside. To me, it's the perfect town.

But there is no convincing my wife to try giving my hometown a shot as our full-time residence. Despite knowing we will never be able to own a summer house there, that's the "dream" my wife sells to me. I resent her because she got what she wants, and I just have to deal with it. Should I just accept my fate? -- RESENTFUL IN NEW YORK

DEAR RESENTFUL: I am sorry you are unhappy with the decision you made. Your wife may have wanted to move to her hometown because she felt her relatives could help out with your children, which is a plus. However, unless you find the strength to assert yourself, "accepting your fate" is exactly what you may have to do.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful husband of 11 years and three children. "Carl" is attentive, caring and always puts the needs of our family first. You could say he is everyone's dream husband.

Long story short, I cheated on him while I was on vacation. It started as innocent flirtation, but then it went further. When "Brad" kissed me, I knew it wasn't going to stop there. Afterward, I not only didn't feel guilty, I did it again. I have been quietly communicating with Brad and sent him revealing photos and a graphic video of myself. He loved it, and we plan to meet again soon.

Please help me understand why I am cheating on such a wonderful husband. Shouldn't I feel guilty? What can I do to stop this before it gets out of control and Carl finds out? I really don't want to lose him. -- DON'T FEEL GUILTY

DEAR DON'T FEEL GUILTY: I have a flash for you. This fling is already out of control. While the excitement may have gone out of your marriage, I guarantee that when Carl gets wind of this -- start the countdown now -- you'll have an abundance of it.

If you really value your marriage, start devoting as much energy to working on it as you have been directing toward Brad. And pray that Brad is a good enough sport to delete the incriminating photos and video.

DEAR ABBY: I am in love with a man who is 28 years younger than I am. I'll call him Albert. We want to get married, but I'm not sure how much the age difference really matters. We have been seeing each other for almost a year, and I know he loves me. We haven't told anyone except a few people. My son, 28, and my daughter, 40, don't know how serious we are. My granddaughter knows everything.

I know my children may object because of the age difference and the fact that Albert is from another country (in Africa). To me, that doesn't matter, and it may not to them, but Albert is worried that Immigration may question us. We are both private people, and we want to be together as husband and wife.

I can't give him children, but there are other ways we can have a child of our own. I want my kids to be happy for me. I really need to know what you think. -- LOST IN LOVE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR LOST: That Albert is afraid of the questions Immigration might ask raises a red flag for me. What I think is that if you choose to proceed -- as I suspect you probably will -- you should be very cautious doing so.

DEAR ABBY: I have a concern I suspect is shared by others. Keeping a journal has been shown to be of significant psychological benefit, but I do not want my private thoughts and concerns read by others after my death. Is this silly of me? I realize I'll be dead and gone, but the possibility of it happening inhibits me from recording my thoughts and feelings. Thanks for any insights you and/or your readers can offer. -- PRIVATE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR PRIVATE: Unless you have an executor you can trust to dispose of your journals when you are gone, my recommendation would be to keep your journals online, in the cloud, and able to be accessed only by you.

DEAR ABBY: I recently reconnected with my best friend from high school. I moved out of state at the age of 30, and we lost touch. Turns out she lives about 70 miles from me. Neither of us married or had children.

Someone told me where she works and I called her. She called back the following weekend, and we talked for a couple of hours. It was a good conversation, and it ended with her saying she would be in touch in the next couple of months. We had discussed getting together for lunch.

It has been almost four months and I'm puzzled as to why I have not heard from her. Should I let it go or contact her once more? It bothers me that she doesn't seem to want to get together and hasn't told me why. Any suggestions? -- RECONNECTING IN THE WEST

DEAR RECONNECTING: There could be any number of reasons why your old friend let this slide. Contact her again and "remind" her that you had discussed having lunch together. Her response -- or lack of one -- will tell you if she's really interested.

DEAR ABBY: An issue needs addressing regarding same-sex marriage, and I hope you will share this with your readers. When asking someone about his or her marital status, please keep in mind that when the person responds "married," it may not necessarily mean to a person of the opposite sex. It would be better to ask, "What is your spouse's name?" instead of automatically saying, "And her/his name is ...?"

While dealing with customer service recently, the service representative kept saying "your partner" every time I said "husband." After three corrections, I emphatically stated "my husband" and she begrudgingly finished our transaction. (Yes, I did speak to her supervisor.)

"Partner" implies being in a business of some type. I know some people refer to their spouses as partners, but not everyone does. Thanks for printing this, Abby. -- "SPOUSES" NOT "PARTNERS" IN DELAWARE

DEAR S. NOT P.: The world is changing quickly, and not everyone has been able to keep up with it. The customer service representative should have picked up on the fact that you preferred she refer to your spouse as "husband" the first time you said it. You should not have had to remind her three times. However, because you did, you were right to talk to a supervisor so the woman could be counseled and will, one hopes, be more sensitive in the future.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old granddaughter is being verbally abused by her dad, who has joint custody. He makes her cry every time she spends time with him. Also, there often is not enough food in the house. As a grandmother, what can I do to protect my granddaughter? -- SHE NEEDS HELP

DEAR SHE NEEDS HELP: Your granddaughter's father may have joint custody, but because he is verbally abusive and doesn't have enough food in the house to feed her, your daughter may have to take him back to court and get a modification of the custody order. Because your granddaughter is now 15, she has a right to be heard on the subject.