DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Pierre," and I have been a couple for 18 months. We moved in together three months ago.

The trouble is, Pierre is French, and he doesn't believe in marriage. He says it's an "outdated institution and a social construct." He also claims that no one in France gets married.

My parents are very religious, and they do not support us living in sin. They say if we have a child out of wedlock, they will cut me off completely.

What should I do? I love my family, but I also love Pierre. And I've always dreamed of having a romantic wedding with my father walking me down the aisle. I know Pierre is committed to me, but he dislikes the institution of marriage and won't budge on this. I'm 34 and my biological clock is ticking. Any advice will be appreciated. -- CONFLICTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Pierre has given you fair warning and so have your parents. Marriage exists in France just as it does here in the USA. That Pierre doesn't believe in it should be an indication that the two of you have very different definitions of what a committed relationship is, and it may be partly cultural in nature. How do you feel about that?

I think it's sad that the parents of a 34-year-old woman would threaten to cut her off if she decided to have a child without being married. If you can support one, that choice should be yours and not theirs. My advice is to stop dreaming about a romantic wedding with your father walking you down the aisle unless you can find a man with a different view of commitment than Pierre appears to have.

P.S. I once had a poodle named Pierre. He and I got along fine and marriage was never discussed.

DEAR ABBY: My mom and many others share this problem. She refuses to throw away expired food. I'm not talking about something a few days past its "best used by" date; I'm talking years.

Yesterday, I found a box of bread crumbs that had expired in 2001 (I took a picture). Mom insisted that they "never really go bad." I told her she had better hope she isn't the beneficiary of the life insurance policy of anyone who eats them or she could end up as an episode of "Snapped."

Seriously, though, this is a huge problem for the elderly. I hope you will encourage your readers to help their older friends and family members by cleaning out their fridge and cabinets. I always check the expiration date before eating anything at my mom's. Thank you! -- DATE CHECKER

DEAR DATE CHECKER: Your mother is mistaken. While it is safe to consume some foods a few weeks past their expiration date, other items begin to lose their nutritional value or spoil.

I'm glad you wrote. I'm printing your letter for other readers whose older relatives think the way your mother does, so they can check the expiration dates on packages in their relatives' cupboards (and remove any bulging or rusted cans that could cause botulism, a fatal illness).

DEAR ABBY: I'm 52. My mom died when I was 11. It wasn't until I reached my mid-20s that I realized I have no memories of her, and few memories of my childhood before I was 11. Dad and I lived a few hours away from family, and after Mom passed, no one spoke about her much. I imagine that was because it was painful. She was only 29.

I never cried over her death, and I don't remember missing her as a child or teenager. There are only a handful of photos of her and a couple of passed-down stories. I understand that people block memories of traumatic events and things they don't want to remember. I remember the night it happened in detail, but not the memory of her. I have seen a few psychiatrists at different times during the course of my life to deal with stress and daily life issues, and while they were aware of my background, we never really got into this.

For some reason it's bothering me more and more now. I want to remember my mother. When I ask her friends and relatives about her, I get general answers -- she was a nice person, very loving and crafty, etc. How does someone get their memories back? I've heard hypnosis can help, but I'm not sure. Do you have any advice? -- SON LEFT BEHIND

DEAR SON: Many people are reluctant to talk about family members who have passed on because they are afraid it will be painful for the listener. Perhaps if you approached your relatives and explained why you are asking for more details, it might jog some memories. However, if that doesn't bear fruit, then talking with a mental health professional about the fact that this is increasingly bothering you would be a good idea. That person can recommend hypnosis if it's appropriate.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced 53-year-old woman. My children are grown, and I have a good career in HR and payroll. It's not my dream job, though. I applied to and was accepted into a Master of Architecture program, but I just found out they will accept only 12 credits from my associate's degree, which means I will need five years of full-time college to achieve my dream, while working full-time, of course.

I'll be 58 when I graduate and probably should be planning for retirement, not taking on $100,000 in student loans. Should I abandon this dream? Have I run out of time to take on such a lofty goal? Or should I just sit back and relax and travel now that my kids are grown? By the way, my retirement goal was age 72. -- NOT SURE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR NOT SURE: What you are contemplating takes a great deal of stamina. Some individuals in their 50s are up for the challenge, others not so much. Before you commit, talk to a guidance counselor at the school to explore what opportunities might be available to an older graduate with no work experience in the field.

Would you still plan to retire at 72? Your student loans could take many more years to pay off if you don't quickly become a high-earning architect, so consider your next move carefully and receive as much unbiased counsel as you can before making a final decision.

DEAR ABBY: I have never been married. I've been perceived as a "playboy" for many years now. I don't mean to be, but when I sense the potential for a passionate romantic encounter with flowers, candy, champagne, pot (and an occasional Quaalude), the urge takes over.

I was never considered "hot" until I turned 50 and decided to get in shape. I had a hair transplant, a neck lift and lost 25 pounds. Shouldn't I continue to enjoy this? I'm really loving it. But I worry about the comments about my age. I look about 38. -- MAX IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MAX: If you are wooing adult women with flowers and candy, that's the traditional way of going about it. However, if you are using alcohol, pot and Quaaludes to render them so dizzy they can't refuse your advances, it is considered rape -- a prosecutable offense no matter how good you look for your age. If you doubt me, just look at the news.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are pregnant, and we are arguing over the gender of the baby. We have wanted this child for a long time and had trouble conceiving. I won't care if it's a boy or a girl, but he is adamant that he wants a boy. He has even gone so far as to say that he will be disappointed if it isn't.

We find out the gender this month, and I'm not sure how to prepare or if we should even find out. Help! -- DISAPPOINTED IN OHIO

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Many men fantasize about having a son, a "mini-me" to teach sports to, just as many women dream of having a daughter and what her first prom will be like or helping her to plan her wedding. When most couples have a baby, the first thing they do is thank God the baby is born healthy.

Little girls have been known to wrap their daddies around their little fingers before they are old enough to walk. The same is true for baby boys and their mothers. Please do not take your husband's spouting off so seriously; it will pass. As to whether you should determine the sex of your baby before birth, consider this: It will give you time to color-coordinate the nursery and layette.

DEAR ABBY: My good friend injured her back, so I offered to help out with chores and errands while she recovers. One of the errands was to pick up some groceries, which included items for a barbecue party. No problem. However, I later learned she threw a grand cookout on Memorial Day, complete with boat rides, jet skis, fireworks and tons of food -- the food I picked up for her. The kicker? I wasn't invited! Am I immature for feeling angry and left out? -- TRYING TO BE AN ADULT ABOUT THIS

DEAR TRYING: I don't think you are immature. You called this woman a good friend. Unless an important fact was omitted from your letter, your feelings are normal. The only "good friend" in this relationship appears to be you.