DEAR ABBY: I'm 52. My mom died when I was 11. It wasn't until I reached my mid-20s that I realized I have no memories of her, and few memories of my childhood before I was 11. Dad and I lived a few hours away from family, and after Mom passed, no one spoke about her much. I imagine that was because it was painful. She was only 29.

I never cried over her death, and I don't remember missing her as a child or teenager. There are only a handful of photos of her and a couple of passed-down stories. I understand that people block memories of traumatic events and things they don't want to remember. I remember the night it happened in detail, but not the memory of her. I have seen a few psychiatrists at different times during the course of my life to deal with stress and daily life issues, and while they were aware of my background, we never really got into this.

For some reason it's bothering me more and more now. I want to remember my mother. When I ask her friends and relatives about her, I get general answers -- she was a nice person, very loving and crafty, etc. How does someone get their memories back? I've heard hypnosis can help, but I'm not sure. Do you have any advice? -- SON LEFT BEHIND

DEAR SON: Many people are reluctant to talk about family members who have passed on because they are afraid it will be painful for the listener. Perhaps if you approached your relatives and explained why you are asking for more details, it might jog some memories. However, if that doesn't bear fruit, then talking with a mental health professional about the fact that this is increasingly bothering you would be a good idea. That person can recommend hypnosis if it's appropriate.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced 53-year-old woman. My children are grown, and I have a good career in HR and payroll. It's not my dream job, though. I applied to and was accepted into a Master of Architecture program, but I just found out they will accept only 12 credits from my associate's degree, which means I will need five years of full-time college to achieve my dream, while working full-time, of course.

I'll be 58 when I graduate and probably should be planning for retirement, not taking on $100,000 in student loans. Should I abandon this dream? Have I run out of time to take on such a lofty goal? Or should I just sit back and relax and travel now that my kids are grown? By the way, my retirement goal was age 72. -- NOT SURE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR NOT SURE: What you are contemplating takes a great deal of stamina. Some individuals in their 50s are up for the challenge, others not so much. Before you commit, talk to a guidance counselor at the school to explore what opportunities might be available to an older graduate with no work experience in the field.

Would you still plan to retire at 72? Your student loans could take many more years to pay off if you don't quickly become a high-earning architect, so consider your next move carefully and receive as much unbiased counsel as you can before making a final decision.

DEAR ABBY: I have never been married. I've been perceived as a "playboy" for many years now. I don't mean to be, but when I sense the potential for a passionate romantic encounter with flowers, candy, champagne, pot (and an occasional Quaalude), the urge takes over.

I was never considered "hot" until I turned 50 and decided to get in shape. I had a hair transplant, a neck lift and lost 25 pounds. Shouldn't I continue to enjoy this? I'm really loving it. But I worry about the comments about my age. I look about 38. -- MAX IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MAX: If you are wooing adult women with flowers and candy, that's the traditional way of going about it. However, if you are using alcohol, pot and Quaaludes to render them so dizzy they can't refuse your advances, it is considered rape -- a prosecutable offense no matter how good you look for your age. If you doubt me, just look at the news.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are pregnant, and we are arguing over the gender of the baby. We have wanted this child for a long time and had trouble conceiving. I won't care if it's a boy or a girl, but he is adamant that he wants a boy. He has even gone so far as to say that he will be disappointed if it isn't.

We find out the gender this month, and I'm not sure how to prepare or if we should even find out. Help! -- DISAPPOINTED IN OHIO

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Many men fantasize about having a son, a "mini-me" to teach sports to, just as many women dream of having a daughter and what her first prom will be like or helping her to plan her wedding. When most couples have a baby, the first thing they do is thank God the baby is born healthy.

Little girls have been known to wrap their daddies around their little fingers before they are old enough to walk. The same is true for baby boys and their mothers. Please do not take your husband's spouting off so seriously; it will pass. As to whether you should determine the sex of your baby before birth, consider this: It will give you time to color-coordinate the nursery and layette.

DEAR ABBY: My good friend injured her back, so I offered to help out with chores and errands while she recovers. One of the errands was to pick up some groceries, which included items for a barbecue party. No problem. However, I later learned she threw a grand cookout on Memorial Day, complete with boat rides, jet skis, fireworks and tons of food -- the food I picked up for her. The kicker? I wasn't invited! Am I immature for feeling angry and left out? -- TRYING TO BE AN ADULT ABOUT THIS

DEAR TRYING: I don't think you are immature. You called this woman a good friend. Unless an important fact was omitted from your letter, your feelings are normal. The only "good friend" in this relationship appears to be you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 64-year-old widow who lost my husband 5 1/2 years ago. I became reacquainted with a former classmate at a high school reunion, and we started dating. He makes me laugh, takes me to dinner and movies, and we have a great time together.

One night, I let him stay over because he was going to go to church with me the next morning. He lives 45 minutes away. My son drove by (intentionally), saw his car and confronted us at church in front of people. He walked up to my friend and said, "Well, how did you enjoy your sleepover at my mother's house last night?" This was the first time they had ever met!

Their bitterness toward each other has escalated, and now my son has given me an ultimatum: Choose between his family or my friend. He has my only grandchildren.

I am so depressed, I don't know what to do. I don't want my son dictating my life, but I want to see my grandchildren. They truly are the most important people in my life. I could break up with my friend, but then my son would think he won. Any thoughts? -- SO, SO SAD

DEAR SAD: You are all adults. Your son was a mile out of line to do what he did. Why would he be patrolling your home? Personally, I think what he did was a little sick.

This is not a question of winning or losing. For your own sake, you must not allow him to tell you how to conduct your personal life. I would recommend family therapy for all of you if your self-righteous son would agree. But if he won't, my advice to you is to live your own life.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married soon to the best guy ever, and I couldn't be more excited. My older sister is my maid of honor, and she has been doing an amazing job with the planning of my bachelorette party, showers, etc.

Two years ago, my sister was engaged to a man named "Sean." Six months before their wedding, Sean broke the engagement without warning, and along with it, my sister's and my family's hearts. About a month ago, they decided to get back together and are trying to make things work.

My fiance and I have decided not to invite Sean to our wedding. We believe it's too soon for him to be around the family, but more importantly, we don't think our wedding day is an appropriate time for him to be "re-introduced." Is it selfish to exclude him from our nuptials? How should we tell my sister? -- SELFISH IN THE WEST

DEAR SELFISH: I'm glad you asked. While it's your right as the bride to exclude whomever you choose, it would be selfish and I strongly advise you -- for the sake of future family harmony -- not to do this. Your sister has been doing everything she can to make this milestone event in your life wonderful. To exclude Sean would be a poor way to thank her for her efforts.

DEAR READERS: Have a very happy and healthy Fourth of July, everyone. And please be safe! -- LOVE, ABBY