DEAR ABBY: My husband of 20 years has blindsided me by announcing he's leaving. Come to find out he's "in love" with a co-worker and thinks they are soul mates. Our close friends and family know about the affair (and are dismayed), but our teenaged kids don't. He told them we simply grew apart.

His suddenly leaving with no attempt to work on the marriage sends a confusing message. Is it best the kids don't know about her, or will it hurt them more if they find out later? How do I talk to them about the commitment of marriage without criticizing him, and does that include protecting his lie? -- CONFUSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFUSED: Your children are teenagers. Teenagers today are very wise in the ways of the world. They are also observant; when they visit their father at his place, they will draw their own conclusions.

As to talking to them about the commitment of marriage, refrain from doing it when you are emotional, and leave out any reference to their father and his "soul mate" unless they bring it up. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I'm talking with a guy who's in prison. He has eight months before he gets out. Do you think it's wrong for me to keep talking with him? Is it wrong to date someone in prison? I go visit him. He wants to marry me when he gets out. He talks about how God has changed his life since he's been in prison. -- WONDERING IN THE EAST

DEAR WONDERING: While it is possible to write to, talk to and visit someone who is in prison, it is not possible to "date" someone who is locked behind bars. While it is not wrong to talk to him, please understand that when he is released, his circumstances will be different.

Rather than talking about marriage at this point, he should be thinking about how he will find a job and reintegrate himself into the real world. You should not jump into a lifetime commitment with him until he has done that. God may have changed his life while he has been in prison, but that doesn't mean the task is done. He will have to continue to work on changing his life himself.

DEAR ABBY: Every year in my neighborhood, "lost dog" signs appear the day after the Fourth of July. Would you please print a reminder to dog owners that noise from fireworks can cause pets to become so frightened they bolt from home and become lost. Keep your pets inside anytime you can hear fireworks.

On the Fourth, which is noisy all day, when my dogs have to go out, I go out with them (even though I have a fenced yard). I want to be able to see them every second. Better safe than sorry. -- PET LOVER IN BARNHART, MISSOURI

DEAR PET LOVER: I'm sure my readers will be grateful for your timely reminder. And while we're on the subject of lost pets, this would be a good time to ensure that your dog (or cat) is properly identified with a microchip or ID tag in case it does manage to get away from you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has become very overweight, which has caused his sex drive -- as well as his health -- to suffer. I worry about him constantly, and I miss the intimacy we used to have. He is aware of how I feel and started trying to eat healthier. He also tries to exercise at least a little bit every day.

The problem is he constantly falls off the wagon. Sometimes he says he's too tired to exercise, or he reverts back to his old habits and ends up eating fast food. He always tries again the next day, but he won't make much progress at the rate he's going.

I don't want to nag him to death, but I do want him around for a long time. What can I say that will make him take this more seriously? -- ALL ABOUT HEALTH IN ALABAMA

DEAR ALL ABOUT HEALTH: Tell your husband how much you love him, and that you're afraid "until death do us part" will happen prematurely if he continues killing himself with his fork and his sedentary ways. You might also recite the names of the various diseases that accompany obesity in most people.

But if your husband's doctor hasn't been able to get the message through to him, there isn't much more you can do besides love him for the wonderful husband he is and keep your fingers crossed. I say this because the only person who can "make" your husband commit to a diet and exercise program is himself, with the recognition that changing his unhealthy patterns probably won't be easy and WILL take time.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, my wife took two of our granddaughters (ages 9 and 15) and a friend (age 15) to the movies. As usual, the next day I found trash had been left in the car, which triggered the following text exchange.

I sent both granddaughters a picture of a garbage can and my car and asked: "Please advise which one is used to throw away trash? If you need help, ask your mom. I'm not accusing anyone of anything. Also, if one of your friends was to throw trash on your Poppy's car floor, what should you do? Would you ask them to pick it up -- yes or no?"

The only response I received was from their mom, who said, "'Amber' (granddaughter) did not leave trash in your car!" Things have gone downhill from there.

I replied that I expected an answer to my questions, and that I hadn't accused anybody of anything. You would think I had shot someone! Many tears have been shed, and my wife has threatened to divorce me for standing my ground. We have agreed to have you settle this. What say you? -- TALKING TRASH IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR TALKING TRASH: You are the injured party. You did nothing wrong. You are owed an apology from all concerned -- the kid who left the trash in your car, and your wife and daughter for overreacting.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister was born on July 4. She's now in her 60s and refuses to celebrate the holiday. She also doesn't want the immediate family to celebrate it either. We have tried to be supportive in years past, but we miss having our Fourth of July holiday. What do you suggest? -- WANTS TO CELEBRATE

DEAR WANTS TO CELEBRATE: I suggest that before July 4, you declare your independence by asking your older sister what other day she would like to celebrate her birthday. Then celebrate the Fourth of July as you would like -- without her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 19 and my sister is 16. We have been working as prostitutes here in our state and in several nearby ones. We know we need help, but we are afraid to ask for it. Hotlines and trafficking programs have called the police on friends of ours who reached out for help. How can we get help without being forced to testify against my boyfriend and our other friends? -- TERI

DEAR TERI: I'm glad you wrote because there is help for you. Contact an organization called Children of the Night. It has helped thousands of young people like you and your sister. Its toll-free phone number is (800) 551-1300, ext. 0, and it is staffed 24/7.

Children of the Night is privately funded and does not call the police on sex-trafficking victims. Once away from "the life," you and your sister will be able to study for your high school diploma online by emailing wow@childrenofthenight.org. If you would like more information, please visit www.childrenofthenight.org and see for yourself. I wish you luck and an easy escape from "the life." You and your sister are in my thoughts and prayers.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dilemma, and I need to know who's right. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years wants me to move into his apartment, but he says I can't live there for free. He wants me to pay half the rent, cable, water and electric bills. I'm OK with the cable, water and electric. But I say the rent is the same whether I'm there or not, and I don't think I should have to pay rent on HIS place. It would be different if we were married. What do you think? Who's right? -- MAYBE MOVING IN

DEAR MAYBE: You are an independent young woman living in the 21st century, and as such, you should carry your share. That the two of you are not married is even more reason why you should share the cost of the rent.

What your question shows me is, if the relationship evolves further and you consider making it permanent, that premarital counseling could help you and your boyfriend avoid some pitfalls later. Disagreements about money often cause marriages to fail.

DEAR ABBY: My sister says it's rude to arrive at a party at the time specified on the invitation. She insists that if the time stated is 8 p.m., you shouldn't arrive before 8:30. I disagree, and I told her I believe that guests should arrive on time and to be late is disrespectful. Her response was that I am behind the times. Please let me know who is correct. -- ON TIME IN FLORIDA

DEAR ON TIME: Depending upon the type of party it is, there is leeway. If it's a cocktail party, guests who prefer not to stand around drinking for hours may choose to arrive late. However, if it's a dinner party, the guests should show up promptly so the meal can be served when it's ready. Sometimes a guest may be 15 or 20 minutes late because of unforeseen circumstances, but if someone is delayed for more than that, the host should be called and warned so the dinner can proceed without being ruined.