DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for two years. We both want biological children later, when the timing is right.

A while ago, some friends adopted a little girl from Russia. The girl was orphaned and badly in need of medical treatment. Our friends got her everything she needed and more, and I was touched by the experience of watching her develop into a happy, healthy child.

I realized I had a desire to do something similar, so I told my husband I wanted to adopt a child. He immediately shot the idea down and said he'd never be interested in raising a kid that wasn't his. It broke my heart a little. I'm not willing to end my marriage over this, but how can I reconcile my hurt feelings and not feel resentful? -- FUTURE MAMA IN ALABAMA

DEAR FUTURE MAMA: Your friends were fortunate because not all adoptions are successful, and not all blended families are happy ones. Be glad your husband was honest with you, and consider starting your family sooner than you originally planned -- provided you and your husband are in agreement about the timing.

DEAR ABBY: This has been bothering me for a while. Why do people put very old pictures of the deceased in the obituary? The people haven't looked like that for more than 40-plus years.

When I look at the obituaries and see the picture, I think how sad it is that the person died so young. Then I read the article and see they were in their 80s or 90s, and the photo was taken when they were in their 40s or even younger. I have seen high school pictures even.

Close friends and family know what they looked like when they died. Do they think they're fooling anyone? -- CURRENT PHOTO IN OHIO

DEAR CURRENT PHOTO: Please don't jump to conclusions. I don't think the pictures are published to "fool" anybody. This is how the family would like to remember their loved one -- in the full bloom of youth. If it comforts them, it should be fine with the rest of us because it's harming no one.

DEAR ABBY: What's the polite way to get guests to leave at the end of the night? I'm a pretty direct person, so generally I say, "Well, it's getting late now," or "I'm tired and would like to go to bed," but my husband keeps telling me I'm being rude.

When inviting someone over, is it in poor taste to ask them to leave by a certain time? I love that guests feel so comfortable and welcome in our home, but my husband and I work full time and have a 1-year-old. I need some me time at the end of the day. -- RUDE HOST IN THE EAST

DEAR "RUDE": A variation on how you're handling this would be to stand up and say, "'John' and I want to thank you for coming, but we have to work tomorrow." For a guest to ignore that cue would be rude. An almost surefire way to ensure guests are out by a certain time would be to make clear when they are invited that the evening will be "between 7 o'clock and 10."

DEAR ABBY: I got a stepdad when I was a young teen. He never tried to replace my dad, and was very respectful of that relationship. I didn't regard him as a father figure, but more as a relative, friend, and a good man who has done a lot of good for my family.

I'm a young adult now. My real dad died recently. Father's Day is now just a painful emptiness I would rather ignore, instead of partaking in celebrations that remind me the most important man in my life is gone.

My mom insists that I continue to acknowledge my stepdad on Father's Day. I know it's the polite and courteous thing to do, and my stepdad deserves every accolade in the world, but it's awkward for me. I hurt for the loss of Dad and don't want to be reminded on a holiday where everyone else at the party is surrounded by theirs. Is there a "best path" answer here? -- DAUGHTER MISSING DAD IN KANSAS

DEAR DAUGHTER: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your father. It's understandable that your heart is heavy. Mother's Day and Father's Day can evoke sadness for those who have lost a parent.

That said, I do think the respectful thing to do would be to remember your stepdad with a card as your mother wishes. Sometimes, knowing we have done something nice for someone else -- even if we are hurting -- can make us feel better. If you do, you won't be sorry. I know, because it has worked for me.

P.S. Readers, allow me to wish a Happy Father's Day to fathers everywhere -- birth fathers, stepfathers, adoptive and foster fathers, grandfathers, and all of those caring men who mentor children and fill the role of absent dads. And, of course, a big shout-out to dual-role moms and grandmothers. I applaud you all. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I am in high school and I'm an atheist. My parents are Catholic. Over the past couple of years, for various reasons, I have realized I don't believe what my parents and priest were telling me. I haven't told my parents because I'm afraid of what they'll say. Mom will probably think she failed as a parent, my grandma would never talk to me again and I'll be forced to go to church every Sunday, do the sacraments and go to religion class.

I've been silent for a while, but I'm going to make my confirmation soon and I feel terrible. When I go to confirmation classes, I feel like a hypocrite. I want to tell everyone the truth, but I don't know if it's a good idea. Should I? -- NEW ENGLAND HERETIC

DEAR "HERETIC": Although this may seem counterintuitive, consider talking to your priest about your feelings. I am positive that it won't be the first time he has heard something like this. Keep in mind that as you grow older, your feelings about atheism may moderate. People have been known to return to -- and find comfort from -- the church after a long absence.

DEAR ABBY: My very best friend growing up was repeatedly raped by her father from around age 13. She told me when we were 17. I reported it to a policeman, but back then, they couldn't do anything unless she reported it. She refused in order to protect her mother.

Her mom is gone now, but dear old Dad is still hanging on. He lives in a retirement home known for supporting children and children's activities. (It's associated with one of the largest charitable groups for kids.) I worry a lot about this freak having an opportunity to molest other children, and it sickens me that when he does finally die, he will receive full honors from this group. I have thought about anonymously contacting the home and warning them. Should I? -- UNCERTAIN IN THE EAST

DEAR UNCERTAIN: That information would carry far more weight if it came from his daughter. Encourage her to discuss what her father did with the director of the retirement home as well as a social worker. Her father should never be alone with a minor child again. If your friend refuses to do this, then yes, you should speak up.

DEAR ABBY: I love my grandchildren. My problem is, my daughter expects me to baby-sit at the snap of a finger regardless of what I have to do or what I have planned. Additionally, I never know how long I will be sitting. Sometimes, it can be up to 12 hours.

I receive no compensation because, in her words, "Grandmothers should not be paid." If I refuse, she accuses me of being a "bad" grandmother. If I ask to have one child for an overnight and a weekend day, I am refused. Her reason? "Because I said so!"

Would I be justified in asking for compensation? I live on a fixed income and could use the money. -- BAD GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: If there are expenses incurred while you baby-sit your grandchildren, you should be compensated for them. However, I can see why your request for a salary for doing it would not be well-received. Because you need extra money, consider finding a part-time job. If you do, you will not only ease the strain on your budget, but also make yourself less available to your daughter "at the snap of a finger."

DEAR ABBY: My niece, who is being married next month, sent out invitations a couple of weeks ago. She requested no children under 16 because they'll be serving alcohol and because she is running tight with her guest list.

My stepsister and her mom are upset because their young girls won't be able to come. My sister said if they can't go, then she isn't going, which I think is ridiculous. They're trying to force my niece to let them bring the girls. What they don't understand is how you explain allowing them to come but not other kids. How should this be handled? -- NO EXCEPTIONS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR NO EXCEPTIONS: It should be handled by telling your stepsister and her mother how sorry everyone will be that they can't attend, and they will be missed. In other words, no exceptions should be made for the intelligent reason you stated in the last lines of your letter to me.