DEAR ABBY: I got a stepdad when I was a young teen. He never tried to replace my dad, and was very respectful of that relationship. I didn't regard him as a father figure, but more as a relative, friend, and a good man who has done a lot of good for my family.

I'm a young adult now. My real dad died recently. Father's Day is now just a painful emptiness I would rather ignore, instead of partaking in celebrations that remind me the most important man in my life is gone.

My mom insists that I continue to acknowledge my stepdad on Father's Day. I know it's the polite and courteous thing to do, and my stepdad deserves every accolade in the world, but it's awkward for me. I hurt for the loss of Dad and don't want to be reminded on a holiday where everyone else at the party is surrounded by theirs. Is there a "best path" answer here? -- DAUGHTER MISSING DAD IN KANSAS

DEAR DAUGHTER: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your father. It's understandable that your heart is heavy. Mother's Day and Father's Day can evoke sadness for those who have lost a parent.

That said, I do think the respectful thing to do would be to remember your stepdad with a card as your mother wishes. Sometimes, knowing we have done something nice for someone else -- even if we are hurting -- can make us feel better. If you do, you won't be sorry. I know, because it has worked for me.

P.S. Readers, allow me to wish a Happy Father's Day to fathers everywhere -- birth fathers, stepfathers, adoptive and foster fathers, grandfathers, and all of those caring men who mentor children and fill the role of absent dads. And, of course, a big shout-out to dual-role moms and grandmothers. I applaud you all. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I am in high school and I'm an atheist. My parents are Catholic. Over the past couple of years, for various reasons, I have realized I don't believe what my parents and priest were telling me. I haven't told my parents because I'm afraid of what they'll say. Mom will probably think she failed as a parent, my grandma would never talk to me again and I'll be forced to go to church every Sunday, do the sacraments and go to religion class.

I've been silent for a while, but I'm going to make my confirmation soon and I feel terrible. When I go to confirmation classes, I feel like a hypocrite. I want to tell everyone the truth, but I don't know if it's a good idea. Should I? -- NEW ENGLAND HERETIC

DEAR "HERETIC": Although this may seem counterintuitive, consider talking to your priest about your feelings. I am positive that it won't be the first time he has heard something like this. Keep in mind that as you grow older, your feelings about atheism may moderate. People have been known to return to -- and find comfort from -- the church after a long absence.

DEAR ABBY: My very best friend growing up was repeatedly raped by her father from around age 13. She told me when we were 17. I reported it to a policeman, but back then, they couldn't do anything unless she reported it. She refused in order to protect her mother.

Her mom is gone now, but dear old Dad is still hanging on. He lives in a retirement home known for supporting children and children's activities. (It's associated with one of the largest charitable groups for kids.) I worry a lot about this freak having an opportunity to molest other children, and it sickens me that when he does finally die, he will receive full honors from this group. I have thought about anonymously contacting the home and warning them. Should I? -- UNCERTAIN IN THE EAST

DEAR UNCERTAIN: That information would carry far more weight if it came from his daughter. Encourage her to discuss what her father did with the director of the retirement home as well as a social worker. Her father should never be alone with a minor child again. If your friend refuses to do this, then yes, you should speak up.

DEAR ABBY: I love my grandchildren. My problem is, my daughter expects me to baby-sit at the snap of a finger regardless of what I have to do or what I have planned. Additionally, I never know how long I will be sitting. Sometimes, it can be up to 12 hours.

I receive no compensation because, in her words, "Grandmothers should not be paid." If I refuse, she accuses me of being a "bad" grandmother. If I ask to have one child for an overnight and a weekend day, I am refused. Her reason? "Because I said so!"

Would I be justified in asking for compensation? I live on a fixed income and could use the money. -- BAD GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: If there are expenses incurred while you baby-sit your grandchildren, you should be compensated for them. However, I can see why your request for a salary for doing it would not be well-received. Because you need extra money, consider finding a part-time job. If you do, you will not only ease the strain on your budget, but also make yourself less available to your daughter "at the snap of a finger."

DEAR ABBY: My niece, who is being married next month, sent out invitations a couple of weeks ago. She requested no children under 16 because they'll be serving alcohol and because she is running tight with her guest list.

My stepsister and her mom are upset because their young girls won't be able to come. My sister said if they can't go, then she isn't going, which I think is ridiculous. They're trying to force my niece to let them bring the girls. What they don't understand is how you explain allowing them to come but not other kids. How should this be handled? -- NO EXCEPTIONS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR NO EXCEPTIONS: It should be handled by telling your stepsister and her mother how sorry everyone will be that they can't attend, and they will be missed. In other words, no exceptions should be made for the intelligent reason you stated in the last lines of your letter to me.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law constantly talks to my husband about committing suicide because she's not happy with her life or her husband. My husband worries all the time and has offered to let her come stay with us for a while.

To me, this would be a nightmare. I can't be around her more than two or three days, and she has "hinted" that she would like to move in permanently with us. I have told my husband how I feel, but he's terrified she will follow through. How can I fix this? Should I tell her how I feel? -- SCARED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SCARED: If your mother-in-law moves in with you, it will probably spell the end of your marriage. She needs more help than you or her son is qualified to give. Explain this to your husband. His mother may suffer from chronic depression or be trying to manipulate her son through emotional blackmail. If he really wants to help his mother, he will make sure she is evaluated by a licensed mental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: We love being near the water, but my husband drags a chair behind our rental and sits in the sun in the alley without his shirt. This is an upscale neighborhood, and it's embarrassing to me, especially because he is in his 70s and not in shape to display his stomach.

The neighbors laugh it off, but I have told him how I feel and pleaded with him to walk a few steps to the beach and sit there shirtless. He said I hurt his feelings and embarrassed him by suggesting it. What more can I do to make him see how inappropriate it is? -- BEACH BUNNY

DEAR BUNNY: Nothing! If he doesn't feel sunbathing in the back alley is inappropriate and the neighbors aren't offended, then the problem is you, not him. He may not want to sunbathe on the beach because he is self-conscious about his appearance, and your comments didn't help. Apologies are in order.

DEAR ABBY: I am a teetotaler. As frequently happens when a group of friends share a meal together at a restaurant, when the bill arrives, one of the party will suggest, "Why don't we just split it?" The rest of the group usually quickly agrees, but left out of the equation is the fact that the lone teetotaler did not participate in the round -- or several rounds -- of cocktails before dinner and ends up subsidizing the drinkers. If I squawk about it, I look cheap. If I don't, I feel taken advantage of. Please advise. -- TICKED OFF TEETOTALER

DEAR T.O.T.: If you haven't squawked before, you should. The time to speak up would be when the get-together is being planned and you can talk to each of your friends privately. Suggest the booze bill and the food tab be separate, which would keep the math simple for everyone. Or, put enough in the till to cover your cost and the tip, and let them split the rest.