DEAR ABBY: I have some suggestions for "Longing to Be a Mom" (Feb. 27), whose husband doesn't want a child. If you talk your husband into it, are you prepared to do all the parenting while he sits staring at the TV or starts working longer hours or worse? Are you prepared for the lack of connection that child might have with his/her father?

Grieve your loss. Losing the possibility for motherhood is a great loss. Find a support group or counselor who deals with loss. Believe me, I understand. My boyfriend told me he wanted children. Motherhood was my dream, and I lost my only child to an early miscarriage. Then my husband revealed he'd never really wanted children -- he only said he did because he wanted to marry me.

So I made a conscious decision to live a different life than I had planned, but a full and satisfying one. Thousands of children need someone to care. Explore opportunities to love a child who doesn't have your blood, but who could have your heart.

Help at a church's children's department, a Girl Scout troop, tutor children at a local school, offer to take a single mom's children to a park for an hour. The possibilities are endless.

No, it's not the same as bearing your own children. But even if one dream was dashed, take heart: You can still fulfill new ones. -- HELEN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HELEN: Thank you for offering sensible advice to help "Longing" as well as other women in her situation. Readers suggested other ways to mother children who are already in the world: joining the Big Brothers Big Sisters program, volunteering at a day care facility or after-school program, contacting Boys and Girls Clubs of America, cuddling newborns at a hospital and becoming involved in a homeless shelter's Adopt-a-Family program.

DEAR ABBY: I love my husband very much. He's a very sweet and thoughtful man, but he's horrible at picking out gifts -- not just for me but for everybody. Occasionally he has given me something I liked, but usually his gifts are way off the mark, and I must pretend to like them to spare his feelings.

The last few years I've put together Christmas and birthday lists for him, hoping it would solve the problem, but he says he hates lists. He says it's better for someone to put "thought" behind a gift, which I agree with, but it's just not one of his talents.

Can you suggest a way to speak to him about this without hurting his feelings? It would be greatly appreciated. -- TIRED OF UGLY SWEATERS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR TIRED: Choose a time between gift-giving occasions to point out that while it may be the thought that counts, he could be getting better value for his money if he asked the recipients what their color preferences or needs are. Because you have assembled lists of suggestions and he chooses to ignore them, understand that your husband may have his own agenda in gift selection. And if you have your eye on something for a special occasion -- buy it for yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I tend to react poorly when someone pulls a prank on me. My reaction is usually anger, hurt or embarrassment, and I end up saying or doing things I later regret because emotion took over.

My husband has always liked playing pranks, and my children have started to follow his lead. The pranks tend to be things like ice down the back of my shirt, bopping the end of a glass or bottle while drinking so it splashes in my face, snapping wet towels, etc. I don't like it, and I never do it to them. If I react, I am made out to be the "bad guy" because I "can't take a joke."

I feel guilty about the latest incident because when my l0-year-old daughter bopped a drink in my face, I slapped her across the face. When I apologized for responding that way, she said, "Dad does it all the time."

I never get an apology from the pranksters. Is this normal? Are there others out there who don't like being the object of pranks? How do I get my family to understand that being subjected to these "jokes" isn't funny to me? -- UNAMUSED IN INDIANA

DEAR UNAMUSED: Jokes at the expense of others can be funny, as long as everyone agrees that they're funny. Because you have told your husband you not only don't find his pranks amusing but find them hurtful, I can only conclude that his sense of humor is sadistic. Further, it has set a poor example for the children.

I wonder how your husband would feel if you informed him after a hard day that his accountant had called saying he owes $25,000 in back taxes. (Ho, ho!) Or if you poured a pitcher of ice water on him at 2 a.m. Would that be equally "funny"? I doubt it. Normally, I wouldn't stoop to that level, but this may be an exception.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing because we are receiving some snide comments because of our daughter's choice of college major. She's majoring in dance. When people with college-age kids or grandkids find out, you can see it in their expression or hear it in their tone of voice. "Oh, really? Ummm, how nice." Or worse, the condescending, "How 'sweet.'"

Our daughter has always been an honor student. Starting in high school she carried full loads of classes, extracurriculars, held jobs and was active in church. In college she has added dance company and sorority to her resume.

I want these people to realize it takes guts to pursue her dream of becoming a dancer/choreographer and not major in something more conventional. We support her decision, and she already has her associate's degree in a field that will be useful as a backup. Why can't people understand that fine arts majors are brave, bold and passionate about their crafts? -- DANCER'S MOM IN TEXAS

DEAR DANCER'S MOM: If you react to the comments in a positive way rather than become defensive, they would give you the opening to smile and tell these "conventional thinkers" how proud you are of your daughter's choice to pursue her dreams, that her courage in pursuing a field as competitive as entertainment is more than "nice" and you admire her for it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and my parents are getting a divorce. It is really hard. They put me in the middle a lot in their arguments, like I'm a counselor. I have told them repeatedly I don't like it, and they promise it won't happen again, but it does.

They both tell me their sides of the story, but they never bother to listen to my feelings and what I want to say. It's like I have to be the adult/parent, while all I want is for them to hear me without getting upset. How do I bring this up? -- GIRL IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR GIRL: Your parents have placed you in a no-win position. What they are doing to you is extremely unfair. If you have a trusted aunt, uncle or grandparents you can confide in, enlist their help in delivering the message to your parents that their behavior is destructive. While your parents may be able to tune you out when you ask not to be involved in their marital problems, they may be less likely to ignore the message if they hear it from another adult. If you don't have a relative you can confide in, then enlist the help of a counselor at school.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question about resumes. Over the last six years -- from the ages of 18 to 24 -- I have worked three jobs. One was full-time, two were part-time and each lasted two years. (They were baking at a local bakery, serving at a restaurant and being a file clerk.)

Now that I have my nursing degree, should I mention my previous employment on my resume when applying for a nursing position? I don't want it to look like I can't make up my mind when it comes to employment, but I also don't want it to appear like I have never worked a day in my life. Thoughts? -- WANTS TO BE A NURSE

DEAR WANTS TO BE A NURSE: If you list your dates of prior employment -- as well as the date you received your nursing degree -- it should be apparent that you were working toward your nursing degree all along. Before you are hired, you will be personally interviewed, which will give you the opportunity to not only explain what you have to offer, but also point out that your resume reflects that you're a hard worker. That's important information, and you should use all of your "ammunition" to land the job you're looking for.

DEAR ABBY: I haven't seen this mentioned in your column. I live in a big city and go to restaurants I hear or read about from time to time. While the food and service are generally great, the noise level is often so loud it makes conversation extremely difficult. Whether I'm part of a couple or in a small group, I have to shout to make myself heard across the table. Can you explain why the noise level in these trendy -- and often expensive -- restaurants is so high? -- DOWN WITH DECIBELS

DEAR D.W.D.: Alas, I can. The din is no accident. When diners in a restaurant can easily converse, they tend to linger. The restaurant makes more money if it can turn the tables a time or two or three, so it is designed with high ceilings, no carpets, loud music, and nothing on the surfaces to buffer the sound. Got it?