life

Daughter Is Stuck Playing Referee in Parents' Divorce

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 9th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and my parents are getting a divorce. It is really hard. They put me in the middle a lot in their arguments, like I'm a counselor. I have told them repeatedly I don't like it, and they promise it won't happen again, but it does.

They both tell me their sides of the story, but they never bother to listen to my feelings and what I want to say. It's like I have to be the adult/parent, while all I want is for them to hear me without getting upset. How do I bring this up? -- GIRL IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR GIRL: Your parents have placed you in a no-win position. What they are doing to you is extremely unfair. If you have a trusted aunt, uncle or grandparents you can confide in, enlist their help in delivering the message to your parents that their behavior is destructive. While your parents may be able to tune you out when you ask not to be involved in their marital problems, they may be less likely to ignore the message if they hear it from another adult. If you don't have a relative you can confide in, then enlist the help of a counselor at school.

Marriage & DivorceTeensFamily & Parenting
life

Jobs That Helped Put Student Through School Now Enhance Nurse's Resume

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 9th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a question about resumes. Over the last six years -- from the ages of 18 to 24 -- I have worked three jobs. One was full-time, two were part-time and each lasted two years. (They were baking at a local bakery, serving at a restaurant and being a file clerk.)

Now that I have my nursing degree, should I mention my previous employment on my resume when applying for a nursing position? I don't want it to look like I can't make up my mind when it comes to employment, but I also don't want it to appear like I have never worked a day in my life. Thoughts? -- WANTS TO BE A NURSE

DEAR WANTS TO BE A NURSE: If you list your dates of prior employment -- as well as the date you received your nursing degree -- it should be apparent that you were working toward your nursing degree all along. Before you are hired, you will be personally interviewed, which will give you the opportunity to not only explain what you have to offer, but also point out that your resume reflects that you're a hard worker. That's important information, and you should use all of your "ammunition" to land the job you're looking for.

Work & School
life

Noisy New Restaurants Leave Diner Straining to Hear

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 9th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I haven't seen this mentioned in your column. I live in a big city and go to restaurants I hear or read about from time to time. While the food and service are generally great, the noise level is often so loud it makes conversation extremely difficult. Whether I'm part of a couple or in a small group, I have to shout to make myself heard across the table. Can you explain why the noise level in these trendy -- and often expensive -- restaurants is so high? -- DOWN WITH DECIBELS

DEAR D.W.D.: Alas, I can. The din is no accident. When diners in a restaurant can easily converse, they tend to linger. The restaurant makes more money if it can turn the tables a time or two or three, so it is designed with high ceilings, no carpets, loud music, and nothing on the surfaces to buffer the sound. Got it?

Money
life

Woman Looks for Exit Ramp out of One-Way Friendship

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 8th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who brags nonstop about her boyfriend, her job, her new car, etc. She only comes out of the woodwork every so often to text me things like, "Roy just got a $13 raise at work!" I respond with wholehearted support and congratulations, then don't hear from her again until days later, when I receive another text saying something like, "My boss said I can work any hours I want from now on!"

I'm not sure why she sends me these messages. Could it be to make me jealous of her "fairytale" lifestyle, which I'm not sure I believe she even truly lives?

We have no other meaningful conversation or time together, and I am growing tired of texts that are solely meant to showcase her wins in life. I have tried to distance myself by responding less and less and not initiating conversations, but then she asks why I'm "mad" at her. I feel like I am nothing more than a wall she posts her accomplishments on. I have no desire to be "friends" with her anymore, but I'm not sure how to get out of it. Thoughts? -- EX-FRIEND IN THE EAST

DEAR EX-FRIEND: Continue to respond to her texts less and less frequently. If she asks if you are mad at her, tell her you aren't mad, you are busy. If she wants more detail, tell her you have noticed that she has shown no interest in what your life is like, and to you that's not friendship.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Dog With History of Biting Is Difficult to Place in New Home

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 8th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: My mother is getting up in years. Because of a multitude of health problems, she will soon have to enter a nursing home. She currently lives in her own home with her dog, "Skippy," and is facing the problem of what to do with Skippy when she has to move.

Skippy has growled at people in the past, including children, and has a brief biting history, which limits Mom's options and makes it impossible for her to bring the dog with her to a group nursing home. We're unable to take Skippy on because we're at our legal limit, according to the laws of our municipality, and we know of no one we can place a dog with such issues with. Any ideas? -- NEEDS A HOME FOR NIPPY SKIPPY

DEAR NEEDS: Contact the dog rescue groups in your area. Perhaps they can locate a home for an older dog -- I assume Skippy is older -- in a household where there are no children. It's regrettable that your mother didn't socialize her pet when it was a puppy, because it would have made it easier to keep Skippy with her.

Family & ParentingHealth & Safety
life

Pseudonyms Protect the Guilty Along With the Innocent

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 8th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I have noticed that your letter writers often assign a fictitious name to the person they are writing about. I wonder why they do this. What is the purpose? -- JOHN DOE IN TAMPA

DEAR JOHN: I change all the names in the letters I print. I do this to prevent embarrassment for the letter writer as well as the person who's being complained about.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Dear Abby College Columnist Contest

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 8th, 2018 | Letter 4 of 4

READER ALERT! If you know a student who would like to enter the $5,000 Dear Abby College Columnist Scholarship contest, see the information on DearAbby.com/scholarship and learn more. The deadline is fast approaching.

MoneyWork & School
life

Fake Flower Prompts Emotional Reaction From Offended Widow

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 7th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law died a month ago and was cremated by the local affiliate of a prominent funeral home. To make it easier for my sister, I accompanied her to the mortuary to pick up her husband's remains. I walked in alone, and as I returned to the car with his urn, a young funeral home employee in a black suit and scuffed shoes followed me. Through the window of the car, he presented my sister an artificial red rose and said, "We're sorry for your loss."

My sister and I were appalled by the insincerity of this gesture, and I called and told the funeral home director that the sentiments were as phony as the rose. He said, "I thought it was a great idea," and couldn't understand our reaction. Were we wrong? -- RESENTING PHONY SENTIMENTS

DEAR RESENTING: Yes, you were. When people are grieving, emotions are sometimes raw, so I'm not going to scold you. However, your response to the young man was ungracious. All that needed to be said was, "No, thank you."

Death
life

Should Unwanted Gifts Come out of the Closet During Mother-in-Law's Visit?

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 7th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law keeps buying us decorator items that don't have a place in our home. While I appreciate the effort and the thought, I have no more closet space in which to store them. I was taught to accept gifts and express gratitude, even if you don't like them.

My mother-in-law is coming to visit in a few weeks, and my husband insists we should display the items she's purchased for us. This would entail putting holes in my walls, as she tends to get us items that need to be hung. I don't think we should have to go through this charade just to appease her. It will only encourage her to buy us more things. What should I do? -- NO MORE CLOSET GIFTS

DEAR N.M.C.G.: It won't destroy your home to display one (or two) of the items your MIL has given you while she's visiting. But while she's there, make sure she opens the closet where you have stored all the other items she has sent "because she's such a generous doll you can't possibly use them all." When she leaves, sell the gifts or donate them, then pray she takes the hint.

Family & ParentingEtiquette & Ethics
life

Friend With Benefits Hopes Love Is in Her Future

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 7th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I need your advice. I'm in love with a wonderful man. He says he likes and respects me but does not love me. I desperately want his love, but have agreed to be friends with benefits in the hope that in the future he may come to love me. Should I continue with this, and is there a future for me? -- HOPEFUL IN TELANGANA, INDIA

DEAR HOPEFUL: For many people, liking and respecting someone would make the person a candidate for marriage. The bad news is, the man you care so much about is not one of them. The good news is, there are many eligible, emotionally available men who might value what you have to offer. Time is precious. If you want your future to be a happy one, be glad your friend with benefits has been honest with you, cut your losses and look elsewhere for love.

Love & Dating

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Two Degrees
  • Lulu
  • Good Enough
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • LW Questions Correcting Friend's Malaprops
  • Stress of Caregiving Causes Concern for Daughters
  • Mother of the Groom Prefers Not to Attend Bachelorette Party Bar Crawl
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2022 Andrews McMeel Universal