DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter, "Emily," is 13. I have been very involved with her all her life. My daughter, "Ginger," is divorced and has had a boyfriend, "Greg," for about three years, but there has been no talk of marriage.

Greg's mother has told Emily to call her "Grandma." Emily is OK with that, but it hurt my feelings, Abby.

I feel that Greg's mother should realize she's using a title that's not hers. I realize she's trying to make Emily feel like part of their family, but to me, this is my title, not hers. She has known Emily for three years, and while she's nice to her, I'm the one who has been doing grandma duties for 12 years -- not her. To me, she should be called something special but not "Grandma."

How do I cope with this? Shouldn't the other "grandma" have realized she's pushing herself into the position of the real grandma? -- HURT GRANDMA IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HURT: You are taking this too personally. If Greg's mother wasn't hoping her son would marry your daughter, she would not be "embracing" Emily the way she has.

Your granddaughter does not love this woman more than she does you. Whether Greg's mother "should" realize she's treading on thin ice is something I cannot conjecture. However, I'm sure she didn't do this to annoy you. If you bring this up with her, you will annoy her, which will likely annoy her son and your daughter, so I advise against it. I'm betting that eventually she will become an official grandma -- however, if that doesn't happen, your problem will be solved because she'll be history.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's horrible sisters have invited themselves to our home in Florida. They hate me. One's husband sexually assaulted me five years ago. When I had her come and get him (he was drunk), she accused me of making it up! (Abby, she saw it happen.)

The other sister has never invited us over for dinners or special events. She's extremely obese and will break our furniture if she sits on it.

We are in our 70s, live modestly and can't afford this selfish intrusion. My husband says, "But they're my sisters!" Please help me get out of this. -- LOOKING FOR PEACE

DEAR LOOKING: I'll try. You and your husband are not joined at the hip. No law says you must be there. Yes, they are his sisters, so he can visit them in their homes, without you. 'Nuff said?

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend whose father recently passed away. Her mother passed away eight years ago. Everything was paid for -- all funeral arrangements and anything else you can think of.

She's wondering what to do with the money she received in the cards people sent her. Have masses? Donate it to charity? Her sibling took some of the cards from her mom's funeral and applied the money toward a vacation. My friend just wants to do the right thing. What is the right thing? -- WANTS TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT

DEAR WANTS: If the money isn't needed for expenses, it is the recipient's to do with as she (or he) wishes. However, a thoughtful and respectful thing to do would be for your friend to donate it to a charity her father supported, or toward research into a cure for the disease that took his life.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 13 years and have two beautiful children. I recently found out that for the last two years, he has been having an affair, and his mistress is now three months pregnant.

When I confronted him about the situation, he claimed he doesn't know what to do. I have told him I'm willing to work things out and be supportive of the child, but the affair has to stop. The problem is, he's having a hard time letting go. He says he's in love with both of us.

I love my husband deeply and do not want to throw it all away for a mistake that I, too, once made. I know his mistress wants to be with him and has been slowly working her way into his life. Please give me some advice. -- LOST IN LOVE IN HOUSTON

DEAR LOST: Insist that you and your husband talk with a licensed marriage and family therapist to see if you can get your marriage back on track. While it may be possible to be in love with two women at the same time, here in the USA plural marriage is frowned upon.

Texas, thank the Lord, is a community property state, so it's important that you understand what that will mean to you and your children financially should a divorce become necessary. Discuss this with a lawyer, so you know your options.

Your husband knows what he should do; he just doesn't want to do it. Trust me on that.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 53-year-old man, twice divorced, raising a 16-year-old son as a single parent. I have been dating a woman with the same history, but her children are grown. Both of us are alcoholics. We are best friends, or at least drinking buddies. At least, we were.

Recently, she has experienced the deaths of a sibling and her ex-husband. Now she feels I don't give her enough attention. How can I convince her that I love her more than ever, but my free time needs to go to my son? In the past, our bar time would suffice, but lately she needs more. What should I do? -- SHE WANTS MORE IN OHIO

DEAR SHE WANTS: I understand your drinking buddy wants more, but your first responsibility must be to your teenaged son. She may not like what I have to say, but I hope you will take it to heart. You would be a better father -- and a better partner, if you're so inclined -- if you were sober. Alcoholics Anonymous can help you achieve sobriety if you reach out to them. You can find a meeting online at aa.org. Then, be a "best friend" to your lady by telling her she could find the support and companionship she's desperate to experience by attending meetings at AA herself. Perhaps you could attend together instead of going to the bar. It would be a win-win for all three of you.

DEAR ABBY: I have an extremely difficult decision to make. I recently got engaged to the love of my life. However, with this comes the decision of who should be my maid of honor.

Until a couple of years ago, the choice was obvious -- my cousin. Over the past couple of years, though, we've become distant. She's an extremely flaky person and can't be counted on for much. Now, I also have a best friend who is always there when I need her, but we've been friends for only a couple of years.

My immediate family says I should still ask my cousin to be my maid of honor because her feelings will be hurt if I don't. Abby, I don't want to give such a special title to someone I can no longer depend on. She has hurt my feelings countless times by not being there. She shouldn't get the honor just because I've known her forever. Please help. -- STUCK AT A CROSSROADS

DEAR STUCK: Talk to your cousin and also your best friend. When you do, remind your cousin there are serious responsibilities that go along with being a maid of honor and ask if they would create a problem for her. Tell her that if it's too much for her, she could be a bridesmaid. If she says she wants to be maid of honor, give her the chance. However, if she flakes even once, ask your best friend to step in.

DEAR ABBY: Last year I came out as a gay man. I'm 35, and it was a very difficult decision.

I haven't been in a relationship with a man before and have dated only women up until now. I have been on a few dates, and I feel like I fall too fast and easy for a guy. I'm struggling to fit into the gay community and understand what is acceptable and what is not.

I recently met someone I really like, but I'm not sure if he feels the same way. I have never felt this way about anyone before, and I am scared I'll mess it up. I don't want to be alone and I'm afraid that's what is going to happen to me.

I am not sure how to interact with other gay guys. It took me so long to come out, I don't want it to take forever to find someone. How do I get over this fear of being alone and be comfortable around guys? -- FEELING LOST IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR FEELING LOST: Make a conscious decision to relax and just be yourself because it isn't necessary to be anyone but who you are. In time, you will realize there are as many kinds of relationships in the gay community as there are in the straight community. Some men are looking for casual hookups while others want the same kind of solid, lasting relationship you do.

Because you are confused about "how to fit into the gay community," you might find guidance if you contact the nearest gay and lesbian center and join one of their talk groups. One that's comprised of individuals who are "newly out" would be perfect for you.

DEAR ABBY: I feel much more comfortable eating gluten-free. But it creates problems when I'm invited to the homes of friends. What's the best way to deal with my dietary restrictions when invited to these affairs? -- RESTRICTED EATER

DEAR RESTRICTED: If catering to your dietary restrictions is a problem for your host, deal with it by asking if he or she will be serving salad and bring something with you that you can eat with it.