DEAR ABBY: I have an extremely difficult decision to make. I recently got engaged to the love of my life. However, with this comes the decision of who should be my maid of honor.

Until a couple of years ago, the choice was obvious -- my cousin. Over the past couple of years, though, we've become distant. She's an extremely flaky person and can't be counted on for much. Now, I also have a best friend who is always there when I need her, but we've been friends for only a couple of years.

My immediate family says I should still ask my cousin to be my maid of honor because her feelings will be hurt if I don't. Abby, I don't want to give such a special title to someone I can no longer depend on. She has hurt my feelings countless times by not being there. She shouldn't get the honor just because I've known her forever. Please help. -- STUCK AT A CROSSROADS

DEAR STUCK: Talk to your cousin and also your best friend. When you do, remind your cousin there are serious responsibilities that go along with being a maid of honor and ask if they would create a problem for her. Tell her that if it's too much for her, she could be a bridesmaid. If she says she wants to be maid of honor, give her the chance. However, if she flakes even once, ask your best friend to step in.

DEAR ABBY: Last year I came out as a gay man. I'm 35, and it was a very difficult decision.

I haven't been in a relationship with a man before and have dated only women up until now. I have been on a few dates, and I feel like I fall too fast and easy for a guy. I'm struggling to fit into the gay community and understand what is acceptable and what is not.

I recently met someone I really like, but I'm not sure if he feels the same way. I have never felt this way about anyone before, and I am scared I'll mess it up. I don't want to be alone and I'm afraid that's what is going to happen to me.

I am not sure how to interact with other gay guys. It took me so long to come out, I don't want it to take forever to find someone. How do I get over this fear of being alone and be comfortable around guys? -- FEELING LOST IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR FEELING LOST: Make a conscious decision to relax and just be yourself because it isn't necessary to be anyone but who you are. In time, you will realize there are as many kinds of relationships in the gay community as there are in the straight community. Some men are looking for casual hookups while others want the same kind of solid, lasting relationship you do.

Because you are confused about "how to fit into the gay community," you might find guidance if you contact the nearest gay and lesbian center and join one of their talk groups. One that's comprised of individuals who are "newly out" would be perfect for you.

DEAR ABBY: I feel much more comfortable eating gluten-free. But it creates problems when I'm invited to the homes of friends. What's the best way to deal with my dietary restrictions when invited to these affairs? -- RESTRICTED EATER

DEAR RESTRICTED: If catering to your dietary restrictions is a problem for your host, deal with it by asking if he or she will be serving salad and bring something with you that you can eat with it.

DEAR ABBY: I lost my husband of 45 years three years ago. My longtime friend, "Grace," was very supportive and included me in family dinners and outings so I wouldn't be alone. A year ago, I moved away to start a new life for myself. Grace still lives in the same town and is still married to a verbally abusive, depressed husband. She told me once that she envied my freedom, but not how I got it.

I have met a wonderful man. We are in love and will see where it goes. When I talk to or see Grace, she never asks about my life or what I am doing. She vents at length about her husband, her marriage and other things in her life.

I think she liked it when I was miserable, too. Now that I'm happy, I don't really want to see Grace anymore. She's using me as someone she can unload on, and in my opinion, that's not friendly. What should I do? Keep avoiding her? I don't want to confront her, but if I need to, I would like to do it in the best way. -- MOVING ON

DEAR MOVING: I don't think you should "confront" Grace either, but avoiding her isn't the answer. Have an honest, non-confrontational talk with her. Tell her you are concerned that she is so unhappy. Explain that the amount of venting she's doing is creating a wedge between you, and she needs to make some important decisions about her life and her marriage.

I don't know how economically dependent Grace is on her husband, but it might help her self-esteem to find a job. If she's unable or unwilling to do that, she'll have to decide if this is how she wants to spend the rest of her life or discuss her options with an attorney.

DEAR ABBY: I have Tourette's syndrome, the type that causes coughing, among other things. There are different triggers that cause the coughing to start, and one of them is the smell of mowed grass. This means that I cannot mow the grass where I live. A lot of my family members think that I should do it anyway. They probably think I'm lazy, as I still live with my mother and can't afford to move out right now. I'm tired of constantly repeating that I can't mow the grass. They know of my problem, but seem oblivious.

I do plenty of work around the house. What am I supposed to say or do when this comes up again? I'm considering just walking away from them. I'm tired of all these people who refuse to understand that I have a real problem. -- COUGH, COUGH IN ILLINOIS

DEAR COUGH: Ask your doctor to write you a letter explaining your medical problem, so you can share it with the relatives who seem unable to believe you have one. I can't guarantee it will completely solve your problem, but it may silence most of them. As to the rest, tune them out.

DEAR READERS: Along with the millions of Americans who are observing this Memorial Day, I add my prayer of thanks for those men and women who sacrificed their lives in service to our country. May they rest in peace. -- ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I have the sweetest boyfriend I'll call "Earl." He's 58. I'm a widow and have been with him for two years. Earl loves me, helps me and goes out with me wherever I want to go. One problem: He flirts with other women.

It can be family, neighbors, clerks, waitresses, etc. He calls them "sweetheart," "baby," "darling," etc. He pours on the charm and even follows them around to help them with whatever they are doing. I am not threatened, but I get really embarrassed. I have also noticed that Earl has no male friends and seems to avoid them.

When we are alone, it's all about me. He treats me wonderfully, but get another woman around and he goes nuts. What's going on with this man? -- PUT OFF IN PHOENIX

DEAR PUT OFF: Earl may be less confident in the company of other men, or he may consider them competition for the attention of women. Or, he may need to constantly ingratiate and prove his attractiveness to himself.

I'm not going to attempt to psychoanalyze a man I have never met. Heck, it's hard enough to do when I know the person. If you really want to know what's going on with Earl, ask him to explain it to you.

DEAR ABBY: Please help settle a debate my wife and I are having. When making the bed, I always place the top sheet between the fitted sheet and comforter with the finished side facing up. It seems logical. She insists the finished side should face down so that when you fold the top back near the pillows you see the finished side of the sheet. I get her point, but I just don't think that's right. Which way should it go? -- SLEEPLESS IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR SLEEPLESS: If the sheet has attractive trim, why on Earth wouldn't you want to display it? I'm voting with your wife. If you are "Sleepless" because you are arguing over which way the top sheet should face, thank your lucky stars it's not a pitched battle over something more serious. My solution would be: Whoever makes the bed gets to decide which way the sheet faces.

DEAR ABBY: When a spouse dies, what should be done with the wedding bands? -- PLANNING AHEAD IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR PLANNING AHEAD: There is no right or wrong answer to a question like yours because getting past the loss of a loved life partner (grieving) is an individual process. That's why you should do whatever feels right to you. Some widows and widowers continue to wear their wedding band until they are ready to date again. Others move it to their right hand, or wear their spouse's ring on a chain around their neck.

P.S. I once saw a woman wearing a gold band to which she had fused her deceased husband's ring so that it sat flat atop her ring finger. I thought the concept was clever, original and touching.