DEAR ABBY: I lost my husband of 45 years three years ago. My longtime friend, "Grace," was very supportive and included me in family dinners and outings so I wouldn't be alone. A year ago, I moved away to start a new life for myself. Grace still lives in the same town and is still married to a verbally abusive, depressed husband. She told me once that she envied my freedom, but not how I got it.

I have met a wonderful man. We are in love and will see where it goes. When I talk to or see Grace, she never asks about my life or what I am doing. She vents at length about her husband, her marriage and other things in her life.

I think she liked it when I was miserable, too. Now that I'm happy, I don't really want to see Grace anymore. She's using me as someone she can unload on, and in my opinion, that's not friendly. What should I do? Keep avoiding her? I don't want to confront her, but if I need to, I would like to do it in the best way. -- MOVING ON

DEAR MOVING: I don't think you should "confront" Grace either, but avoiding her isn't the answer. Have an honest, non-confrontational talk with her. Tell her you are concerned that she is so unhappy. Explain that the amount of venting she's doing is creating a wedge between you, and she needs to make some important decisions about her life and her marriage.

I don't know how economically dependent Grace is on her husband, but it might help her self-esteem to find a job. If she's unable or unwilling to do that, she'll have to decide if this is how she wants to spend the rest of her life or discuss her options with an attorney.

DEAR ABBY: I have Tourette's syndrome, the type that causes coughing, among other things. There are different triggers that cause the coughing to start, and one of them is the smell of mowed grass. This means that I cannot mow the grass where I live. A lot of my family members think that I should do it anyway. They probably think I'm lazy, as I still live with my mother and can't afford to move out right now. I'm tired of constantly repeating that I can't mow the grass. They know of my problem, but seem oblivious.

I do plenty of work around the house. What am I supposed to say or do when this comes up again? I'm considering just walking away from them. I'm tired of all these people who refuse to understand that I have a real problem. -- COUGH, COUGH IN ILLINOIS

DEAR COUGH: Ask your doctor to write you a letter explaining your medical problem, so you can share it with the relatives who seem unable to believe you have one. I can't guarantee it will completely solve your problem, but it may silence most of them. As to the rest, tune them out.

DEAR READERS: Along with the millions of Americans who are observing this Memorial Day, I add my prayer of thanks for those men and women who sacrificed their lives in service to our country. May they rest in peace. -- ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I have the sweetest boyfriend I'll call "Earl." He's 58. I'm a widow and have been with him for two years. Earl loves me, helps me and goes out with me wherever I want to go. One problem: He flirts with other women.

It can be family, neighbors, clerks, waitresses, etc. He calls them "sweetheart," "baby," "darling," etc. He pours on the charm and even follows them around to help them with whatever they are doing. I am not threatened, but I get really embarrassed. I have also noticed that Earl has no male friends and seems to avoid them.

When we are alone, it's all about me. He treats me wonderfully, but get another woman around and he goes nuts. What's going on with this man? -- PUT OFF IN PHOENIX

DEAR PUT OFF: Earl may be less confident in the company of other men, or he may consider them competition for the attention of women. Or, he may need to constantly ingratiate and prove his attractiveness to himself.

I'm not going to attempt to psychoanalyze a man I have never met. Heck, it's hard enough to do when I know the person. If you really want to know what's going on with Earl, ask him to explain it to you.

DEAR ABBY: Please help settle a debate my wife and I are having. When making the bed, I always place the top sheet between the fitted sheet and comforter with the finished side facing up. It seems logical. She insists the finished side should face down so that when you fold the top back near the pillows you see the finished side of the sheet. I get her point, but I just don't think that's right. Which way should it go? -- SLEEPLESS IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR SLEEPLESS: If the sheet has attractive trim, why on Earth wouldn't you want to display it? I'm voting with your wife. If you are "Sleepless" because you are arguing over which way the top sheet should face, thank your lucky stars it's not a pitched battle over something more serious. My solution would be: Whoever makes the bed gets to decide which way the sheet faces.

DEAR ABBY: When a spouse dies, what should be done with the wedding bands? -- PLANNING AHEAD IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR PLANNING AHEAD: There is no right or wrong answer to a question like yours because getting past the loss of a loved life partner (grieving) is an individual process. That's why you should do whatever feels right to you. Some widows and widowers continue to wear their wedding band until they are ready to date again. Others move it to their right hand, or wear their spouse's ring on a chain around their neck.

P.S. I once saw a woman wearing a gold band to which she had fused her deceased husband's ring so that it sat flat atop her ring finger. I thought the concept was clever, original and touching.

DEAR ABBY: I am 19, and I have been smoking and drinking -- a lot -- ever since I was 14. I also sneak out and go to parties and hang out with a gang I'm in.

We get into a lot of fights. I know I have hurt quite a few people, and I want to set myself straight. I'm worried because I'm dealing with major anger issues and I don't want to hurt anyone else. Please help me. -- ANGER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ANGER: The gang life can be difficult and dangerous to escape. If you have relatives in a different city, a step in the right direction might be to ask if you can live with them for a while.

I'm sorry you didn't mention whether you managed to get your high school diploma. If the answer is no, your next step should be to see if you can take adult education classes and earn your GED. At the same time, inquire if there is counseling available through the school to help you with your anger issues.

Stay safe, remain focused and you will be surprised at what you can achieve.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I are still living in the same house for financial reasons. We speak to each other only regarding our kids and the house. Otherwise, we keep our lives as separate as possible. I haven't spoken to anyone from his family since our separation more than a year ago.

What would be expected of me if someone in his family falls ill or passes away? We were married 30-plus years. I don't think I'd feel comfortable inserting myself into their private time, yet I feel like maybe I should, considering our kids and the amount of time I've known them all. Thoughts or rules? -- DON'T KNOW MY PLACE IN THIS

DEAR DON'T KNOW: If your presence would provide comfort to the grieving family members, you should go to the viewing or funeral. If you feel it would prove stressful, then send a card or flowers expressing condolences.

DEAR ABBY: I donate to a number of good causes. But my mailbox and email are full of even more requests for donations. Now store clerks are asking for donations at the checkout counter, and if you don't donate, you are treated like a cheapskate.

I'm really tired of being strong-armed in stores. If they want store profits to go to these causes, fine, but customers don't shop there to have someone else choose their donations for them. I wish stores would stop doing this. We can't support every good cause. There are just too many. -- TOO MANY CAUSES

DEAR TOO MANY CAUSES: The adage "We can't change the behavior of others; we can only change the way we react" applies to your situation. If you feel you are being shamed or discriminated against because you are unwilling to donate to the cause du jour, shop elsewhere.