DEAR ABBY: I have the sweetest boyfriend I'll call "Earl." He's 58. I'm a widow and have been with him for two years. Earl loves me, helps me and goes out with me wherever I want to go. One problem: He flirts with other women.

It can be family, neighbors, clerks, waitresses, etc. He calls them "sweetheart," "baby," "darling," etc. He pours on the charm and even follows them around to help them with whatever they are doing. I am not threatened, but I get really embarrassed. I have also noticed that Earl has no male friends and seems to avoid them.

When we are alone, it's all about me. He treats me wonderfully, but get another woman around and he goes nuts. What's going on with this man? -- PUT OFF IN PHOENIX

DEAR PUT OFF: Earl may be less confident in the company of other men, or he may consider them competition for the attention of women. Or, he may need to constantly ingratiate and prove his attractiveness to himself.

I'm not going to attempt to psychoanalyze a man I have never met. Heck, it's hard enough to do when I know the person. If you really want to know what's going on with Earl, ask him to explain it to you.

DEAR ABBY: Please help settle a debate my wife and I are having. When making the bed, I always place the top sheet between the fitted sheet and comforter with the finished side facing up. It seems logical. She insists the finished side should face down so that when you fold the top back near the pillows you see the finished side of the sheet. I get her point, but I just don't think that's right. Which way should it go? -- SLEEPLESS IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR SLEEPLESS: If the sheet has attractive trim, why on Earth wouldn't you want to display it? I'm voting with your wife. If you are "Sleepless" because you are arguing over which way the top sheet should face, thank your lucky stars it's not a pitched battle over something more serious. My solution would be: Whoever makes the bed gets to decide which way the sheet faces.

DEAR ABBY: When a spouse dies, what should be done with the wedding bands? -- PLANNING AHEAD IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR PLANNING AHEAD: There is no right or wrong answer to a question like yours because getting past the loss of a loved life partner (grieving) is an individual process. That's why you should do whatever feels right to you. Some widows and widowers continue to wear their wedding band until they are ready to date again. Others move it to their right hand, or wear their spouse's ring on a chain around their neck.

P.S. I once saw a woman wearing a gold band to which she had fused her deceased husband's ring so that it sat flat atop her ring finger. I thought the concept was clever, original and touching.

DEAR ABBY: I am 19, and I have been smoking and drinking -- a lot -- ever since I was 14. I also sneak out and go to parties and hang out with a gang I'm in.

We get into a lot of fights. I know I have hurt quite a few people, and I want to set myself straight. I'm worried because I'm dealing with major anger issues and I don't want to hurt anyone else. Please help me. -- ANGER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ANGER: The gang life can be difficult and dangerous to escape. If you have relatives in a different city, a step in the right direction might be to ask if you can live with them for a while.

I'm sorry you didn't mention whether you managed to get your high school diploma. If the answer is no, your next step should be to see if you can take adult education classes and earn your GED. At the same time, inquire if there is counseling available through the school to help you with your anger issues.

Stay safe, remain focused and you will be surprised at what you can achieve.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I are still living in the same house for financial reasons. We speak to each other only regarding our kids and the house. Otherwise, we keep our lives as separate as possible. I haven't spoken to anyone from his family since our separation more than a year ago.

What would be expected of me if someone in his family falls ill or passes away? We were married 30-plus years. I don't think I'd feel comfortable inserting myself into their private time, yet I feel like maybe I should, considering our kids and the amount of time I've known them all. Thoughts or rules? -- DON'T KNOW MY PLACE IN THIS

DEAR DON'T KNOW: If your presence would provide comfort to the grieving family members, you should go to the viewing or funeral. If you feel it would prove stressful, then send a card or flowers expressing condolences.

DEAR ABBY: I donate to a number of good causes. But my mailbox and email are full of even more requests for donations. Now store clerks are asking for donations at the checkout counter, and if you don't donate, you are treated like a cheapskate.

I'm really tired of being strong-armed in stores. If they want store profits to go to these causes, fine, but customers don't shop there to have someone else choose their donations for them. I wish stores would stop doing this. We can't support every good cause. There are just too many. -- TOO MANY CAUSES

DEAR TOO MANY CAUSES: The adage "We can't change the behavior of others; we can only change the way we react" applies to your situation. If you feel you are being shamed or discriminated against because you are unwilling to donate to the cause du jour, shop elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: I was divorced seven years ago. My ex-wife, "Annie," and I were married almost seven years and had what I thought was a great relationship. Then we bit off more than we could chew financially. I began working long hours to get us out of the pit, which created distance between us until divorce became inevitable. We tried working things out five years ago. It failed.

Since then, I have been in a handful of relationships that ultimately went down in flames. Three months ago, I rekindled one of those relationships, but it ended quickly because, in a moment of passion, I called her by Annie's name. I contacted Annie and shared it with her hoping for something.

A month later, I lost my mother to lymphoma and contacted Annie as a shoulder to lean on because I had no one else. She has a new fiance now, and when she told me, I was devastated.

I have started talking to someone new, and it's going well so far, but I find myself dreaming about Annie and longing for her and the good times. How do I get over her? I find myself looking at mutual friends' Facebook pictures just to get a glimpse of her. -- TORN APART IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN: Stalking your ex-wife on Facebook isn't going to get you what you want. It won't win her back or help you to get on with your life. What will help will be to start talking with a licensed mental health professional who can help you begin to reorient your thinking and start living in the present rather than the past. Please consider it, because your emotional dependence on your ex is neither helpful for you nor productive.

DEAR ABBY: I have a pet peeve with my husband's family and am wondering if I am wrong. My in-laws often pick up a toothpick and use it while we are still seated at the dinner table. This happens even in restaurants. When they dine in my home, they leave their used toothpicks lying around. It's disgusting.

My mother-in-law is now starting to floss her teeth in public. I believe these activities should be done in private. Is there any written protocol about the use of toothpicks? I know my mother-in-law reads your column, and I'm hoping she won't miss this. -- "PICKED" OFF

DEAR "PICKED": I agree that good manners dictate oral hygiene should be attended to away from the dinner table, and so does Emily Post. In Emily Post's "Etiquette" (18th edition), she writes, "Toothpicks should be used in private, not as you walk out of the restaurant or, worse still, at the table." The same is true of flossing, in order to avoid having one's dental detritus land on the table or, worse, on a dinner companion.

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