DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are looking forward to being married soon. The problem is, he wants a traditional wedding with bridesmaids and groomsmen, and I prefer a wedding at the courthouse.

I'm not good at planning parties, and we have almost no budget to work with. We will be paying for all of this out of pocket. We have a venue booked on a beach. However, the amount of planning that's going into this weeklong wedding/family vacation -- with all invitees attending -- is becoming too much.

My future mother-in-law doesn't care for me, and dealing with her is stressful. My fiance is not planning the wedding. I am, by default. I really don't want to do this, and we can't hire a wedding planner. Do you have any suggestions on how to compromise on this situation? -- WEDDED UN-BLISS IN TEXAS

DEAR WEDDED UN-BLISS: There are solid reasons it is recommended that engaged couples have premarital counseling to work out any disagreements before the vows are spoken. I'm suggesting it for you. Your celebration should be kept low-key and inexpensive, and you do not have to explain or apologize to anyone for it.

I would like to caution you, however, to think twice about going through with this marriage. From where I sit, you will have a built-in mother-in-law problem because the woman doesn't like you, as well as an irresponsible husband who is unwilling to compromise. It doesn't take a crystal ball to predict that you will have some serious challenges to contend with.

DEAR ABBY: Neighbor "Bill" has lived across the street for 30 years. Our kids grew up together, and we socialized at least once a month with him and his wife. Three years ago, she left him, and his daughter moved out of town. My wife and I were among the few who helped to support him emotionally.

Bill is pleasant and presentable. The problem is, he's the cheapest man on the face of the Earth. We have almost identical well-paying professional jobs. My wife and I travel extensively, attend events, have new cars and eat well. Bill has a 20-year-old car he won't even pay to wash. He travels only when he can stay at a friend's house, and must be hard-pressed to pay for anything. He's kind of a leech in that he waits for invitations where he can get by on the cheap. This makes for a very dull and challenging companion.

My wife is neutral, but it has really gotten to me. Her take is to just not invite Bill if it bothers me so much. I'm willing to support him emotionally, but not financially at the same time. Mutual friends agree with me. Your thoughts? -- JUST ABOUT OVER BILL

DEAR JUST ABOUT OVER: My thought is that the friendship with Bill may have run its course. And if your neighbor should ask you why, tell him what you have shared with me -- that you're tired of footing the bill for Bill.

DEAR READERS: Happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere -- birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers who are raising their grandchildren and dual-role dads. Orchids to all of you for the love you give each and every day! LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I live with my dad and my brother. My mother passed away when I was very young, and I was pretty much raised by my dad (with the help of family, of course).

Dad always took great care of me, or so I thought when I was younger. Now that I am older, I realize he has made me the little "domestic" of his house. He makes me do dishes, clean my room, and he badgers me about my weight. He says if I would just lose weight, guys would love me.

He goes out with my older brother to baseball games, car shows and just about anywhere else. I'm not included. I don't mind doing my share of housework, but it has become unfair. My brother is only a few years older than I am, yet he has almost no responsibilities, and Dad gives him everything (his old car, pays to go to baseball games, dinner, etc.) while I must buy my necessities.

I know Dad loves and cares about me, but over the last year or two I feel it's gotten worse. When I bring up the inequality between my brother and me, he claims I'm being "dramatic" or that I have many females in my life who compensate for him. I think he has some sexist ideas, and I don't know how to address it with him. -- ANONYMOUS IN THE EAST

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Your father appears to have created a "boys club" with your sibling that you aren't welcome to join, and badgering you about your weight is not only cruel but counterproductive. Men do not fall in love with women because they are skinny. Other, more important, qualities enter into it, whether your dad chooses to recognize that fact or not.

Because you have "many females in your life who compensate for him," marshal your army and confront him together about how he is treating you. Perhaps if he hears a chorus he will pay attention. It's worth a try. However, if that doesn't raise his consciousness, consider making other living arrangements as soon as you are 18.

DEAR ABBY: What is the protocol when you are regifted something you bought someone (birthday, Christmas, etc.)? I have no problems with my gift being kept, sold, donated or gifted to someone else. But given back to me?! I found the surprise regift hurtful and insulting.

How should I respond since I am the one who bought it in the first place? Normally I'd send a thank-you note. Should I reply with sarcasm, be ironic or find a regift of my own? Thoughts, please. -- DISTRAUGHT IN NEW YORK

DEAR DISTRAUGHT: It's possible the person had forgotten from whom the gift was received and didn't realize it was being sent to the original giver. Try to dig deep and find your sense of humor when you respond. If it were me, I'd compliment the giver on what "great taste" she had, comment on the color or the usefulness of the item, and then thank the person for taking the time and effort to select something I would enjoy and sign off with love.

DEAR ABBY: I have a great marriage to an amazing woman. We have beautiful kids and are really happy together. The issue, however, is my in-laws. We are complete opposites in personality and certain views.

I know everyone has different opinions and I respect that. The problem is, they belittle my opinions, job, hobbies and habits. I have been with my wife since high school, and they have never liked me. Lately, the problems have gotten worse.

I am educated, have a good job and take care of my family. But every chance my in-laws get, they make negative comments to me, and in front of others. My friends have called them beyond cruel. My feelings are constantly hurt, and I have begun to feel negatively about myself. My wife doesn't see a problem and says that's just how they are.

I have stood up for myself. When I did, my father-in-law proceeded to threaten me with physical violence. It is worse when they drink, which is usually when we see them, but the insults are there regardless. I am scared my kids will see how they treat me and think it is OK to do so. I used to be a confident man who would defend myself, but because they are family, I usually take it.

I am at my breaking point, and my marriage is beginning to suffer because my wife refuses to support me. She also keeps inviting us to their house for gatherings. I tell her I don't want to go, but she says to let things go. I don't know how. Please help. -- STRESSED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR STRESSED: I fail to see how a couple can be happy under these circumstances. That a wife would tolerate her parents' abuse of her husband is shameful. However, that does not mean you must allow it to continue. Dig deep and resurrect the confident man you once were. Tell your wife you will no longer visit the in-laws unless you receive an apology from them and they agree to remain sober while you're there. And because you have reason to believe you'll be disrespected in front of your children -- or it will happen behind your back -- make other plans for them and for yourself while your wife visits her folks.

DEAR ABBY: Maybe I am wrong to feel the way I feel. My 90-year-old mother passed away a month ago. My sister emailed me to tell me the awful news. I almost fainted when I read it. I can't believe it was acceptable to notify me that way. At the funeral, my sister also had the pastor read what she wrote about our mom, and never acknowledged me in her writing or asked if I wanted to write something to be read. What is going on here? None of this behavior seems right to me. -- DEVASTATED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR DEVASTATED: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your mother. What your sister did was not proper. I can only conclude that you and your sister are not close, and that she may harbor some anger or resentment toward you that she demonstrated at a most inappropriate time.