DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, I was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. I'm only 34. That's what I keep repeating to myself -- I'm only 34. I feel lost. I'm mad at God and have lost my faith. I keep wondering "Why me?" "Why my family again?" "Why stage 4?" I cry alone in an empty house because I don't want to stress out my kids and my husband.

The support groups are 30 minutes away and feature mostly breast cancer patients and survivors. I'm a nurse, and I feel out of control. All my decisions are being made when I'm unconscious or barely out of anesthesia. My world has been turned upside down. I'm not hanging on well at all. Because my control is slipping, I have lost my grasp on the person I once was. I was a strong woman. I don't know what to do. Help! -- NURSE WHO IS NOW THE PATIENT

DEAR NURSE: Right now you are feeling vulnerable, which, under the circumstances, is normal. You should not be crying alone or isolating yourself as you have been doing. You need more emotional support than the support group you belong to can give.

It may help you to contact the American Cancer Society because it provides support and information 24 hours a day, 365 days a year to those facing cancer. Trained cancer specialists are available via phone or live chat and can offer you not only accurate, up-to-date information, but also connect you with valuable services and resources. The phone number to call is (800) 227-2345, and the website is cancer.org. Please don't wait to reach out. My thoughts are with you.

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws take frequent vacations and ask my husband to dog-sit. He always says yes. They are gone seven to 10 days at a time and I don't think we should feel obligated to always agree. My husband says that since we're family it's our duty.

Abby, they can well afford to kennel their dogs, and I don't think they'd be offended if we said no. But my husband thinks I'm heartless for being OK with his parents' dogs staying at a kennel for so long. I maintain that it's not my problem.

This disagreement comes up every two to three months (every time we have the dogs). I am not willing to do this anymore. I'm not sure how to discuss this topic because, so far, nothing I have said has gotten me results. We already have dogs of our own, and kids as well, and the additional dogs disrupt our routine. -- FREE PET SITTER

DEAR SITTER: For your in-laws to expect you to take care of their dogs every time they decide to leave town seems excessive. However, I can understand why they would prefer not to kennel the dogs if they can leave them in a home environment instead.

Because it bothers you, rather than try to dissuade your husband from being so agreeable, tell him he can dog-sit at his parents' house, or from the moment the dogs arrive they will be his sole responsibility. And then stick to it.

DEAR ABBY: I had a brief affair with a married man 36 years ago. "Jerry" had left his wife after learning she was sleeping with his best friend. Our affair ended and we went on with our lives. Jerry stayed with his wife, and I married the man of my dreams.

After 45 years of marriage, Jerry's wife died. My husband died suddenly two months before she did. A few years ago, a mutual friend put us together. We enjoy each other's company and spend time together.

Jerry's two daughters are giving him a hard time about us dating. They told him they will never accept me because they know I was the one he had the affair with. They don't know about their mother's affair.

A month before she passed, she told her daughter, for whatever reason, that her father would go back to me. My family has welcomed him with open arms. Jerry's daughters are married, so he's alone most of the time.

How should we handle them? His son is OK with us. It hurts Jerry when his daughters tell him he's not to have me at his house or any gatherings they may have. Would really like your thought on this. -- BRIEF AFFAIR

DEAR B.A.: Not knowing Jerry's late wife, I can only guess why she told her daughter what she did. It's possible it was to prevent you and her husband from rekindling your relationship after her death.

The person to handle it might be the mutual friend. Because the "girls" know only half the story, that person could tell them the other side. Whether the information alters their view on your relationship is anybody's guess.

Jerry should also make clear to his daughters that he is now a single adult, who doesn't need anyone telling him who to entertain in his home and that he expects the woman in his life to be treated, at the very least, with civility. Unless he is prepared to draw the line, they will run his life for him as long as he's breathing.

DEAR ABBY: I recently suffered a heart attack. Everything's fine now except for some minor damage to my heart and some necessary lifestyle changes. Smoking is now out.

I live in a rural area. The only cath lab facility was 45 minutes away by helicopter. My boss and assistant supervisor both traveled 2 1/2 hours to visit me and, in addition, my boss and his director are coming here today to transport me back home. I would like to show my appreciation for their kindness, but I'm not sure what would be appropriate. Your advice would be appreciated. -- ON THE MEND

DEAR ON THE MEND: I'm pleased you are doing better. I'm sure anything you choose to give them would be appreciated. Consider taking them out to dinner. Alternatively, perhaps present them with coffee mugs with "hero" or "champion" on them -- they can be ordered online -- and a card explaining that the word reminded you of them.

DEAR ABBY: My adult son passed away two years ago at a young age. We were very close while he was growing up. He married young, and I maintained a great relationship with both him and his wife. They gave me the most precious grandchildren any woman could ask for, and I am extremely active in their little lives.

My daughter-in-law has moved on. She met a nice young man, and they are planning to be married in the near future. Do you think I would be out of line to request to have my son's ashes back home with me? We live near each other, I love her very much, and we still have a great relationship. I don't want to damage it by asking this if it's not appropriate.

I would pass his ashes on to his children when they grow up, of course, but for now, I'd love to have my son back home with me and his dad because she has started her new life. My husband is noncommittal about the subject. When I broach it, he says he "doesn't want to talk about it." I really have no one to ask or confide in about this. Your thoughts would be most appreciated. -- STILL BROKENHEARTED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR STILL BROKENHEARTED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your clearly dearly beloved son. If you would like to have his ashes after his widow remarries, I doubt she would be offended if you asked what her plans are for them and if you could have them or split them with her.

I can understand why you would want them, but I'm not at all certain your grandchildren would welcome that responsibility when they become adults. Your husband may be reluctant to discuss this because he is still grieving and hurting, too. However, because you are, as you say, still brokenhearted, please consider grief counseling and joining a grief support group.

DEAR ABBY: I have an elderly friend who complains nonstop when I phone her. She lives a three-hour drive from me and expects me to be the one to call. She doesn't carry long-distance on her home phone, and her sight is too poor to dial numbers, although she's able to see the TV.

I feel sad for her, but I dread calling her because of her negative attitude about life in general. It's a shame to end a 40-year friendship, but I don't believe I'm helping her or myself by listening to all her complaints. Should I write her and say I wish she'd try to be more positive? She has health issues, but I know many people who try to be pleasant in spite of poor health. -- FEELING BAD FOR HER, BUT ...

DEAR FEELING BAD: If the alternative to telling your elderly friend how her constant negativity affects you would be to drop her entirely, convey to her what you have written to me. The woman appears to be very isolated and possibly depressed. If she has family, suggest they involve her in activities for seniors in the community. Contact with other seniors might give her spirits and her outlook a much-needed boost.