DEAR ABBY: My parents were separated for most of my life and divorced 10 years ago. Dad and I don't talk much, but we do get together for special occasions and visits during vacations. Mom and I speak frequently and see each other as often as possible.

My problem is, when I talk about doing things with Dad, she makes me feel guilty for not inviting her -- even when my family is going to stay the night at Dad's. And every year on the date of their anniversary, Mom never fails to remind me how long they would have been married that year. It's uncomfortable, and I have told her that, but every year I get the call wondering why I haven't acknowledged their anniversary.

Am I wrong in thinking it's strange to wish someone happy anniversary when the couple is no longer together and hasn't been for a decade? Am I wrong for not inviting her along for the few visits with my dad? I'm at the point where I avoid talking about him, but I can't lie when I'm asked directly what our plans are. How can I stop these uncomfortable conversations? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Please stop letting your mother make you feel guilty. You have done nothing wrong. She is acting like she's still married to your father and their divorce is simply a "vacation" he has taken.

If she asks if she can come with you when you visit your dad, an appropriate response would be to suggest she ask him that question. And her expecting to be congratulated for the anniversary of a marriage that failed strikes me as bizarre. Because these conversations make you uncomfortable, change the subject or talk with her another time.

DEAR ABBY: My husband owns a restaurant. It's a demanding endeavor, and I help him out by running weekly errands, marketing, and occasionally fronting money for larger purchases or unplanned expenses. Generally, I don't mind. I have years of hospitality experience and some schooling in the field.

For the past few days, I have been fuming because my husband hired a man with whom we have a bad history. He dates my cousin and has been blatantly rude to my family. He has taken advantage of their kindness and turned my cousin into someone she was not before. (She's doing drugs.)

When I asked my husband if he really thought this was a smart choice, he said, "You don't own the restaurant. It's none of your business!" I disagree. Shouldn't I have a say when I help that place function week after week? Or is he right? -- MIFFED IN MISSOULA

DEAR MIFFED: When you asked your husband the question you did, it clearly hit a nerve or he wouldn't have become defensive. Because you have been putting money into the business to keep it going, you should be able to offer an opinion about how it is run and have it be respected.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 37 and still single. I have never been able to keep a guy around very long. They have all given me different reasons, but the main theme is that I'm "too independent and better as a friend." I've kept some of my exes as friends, so there haven't been hard feelings.

I have accepted that I'm going to always be alone. I have come to terms with it and made a fairly decent life for myself. My issue is, everyone keeps insisting there's someone out there for me. But when I've asked them to help set me up on dates or introduce me to a friend, they haven't been willing, even though they've done it for others many times.

I "get" that I'm fat and not attractive, so maybe they don't think I'm worthy of dating their guy friends. But how do I get them to stop pushing me to date, especially when they won't help?

I also hate it when they ask me why I'm not a mom yet when I would be such a good one. Uh, hello! It takes two to make a baby!

I have lost friends over this since it's tough to hang around with people who pity me for being solo and can't accept me for who I am. What do I do? -- LONELY, BUT OK

DEAR LONELY: Tell these friends you know they think they are trying to help when they say these things, but the truth is it makes you feel terrible and to please stop.

Next, recognize that the time has come to enlarge your circle of friends. While it's true there may be a special someone out there for you, the chances are slim to none that he'll find you hanging out with this group.

You are by far not the only overweight individual in this great nation of ours, and many of them are happily coupled up. Nobody has everything. People who focus on their positive qualities and make an effort to develop them are attractive. If you stop dwelling on your perceived flaws and work to develop the things you have to offer, the results may surprise you. (This goes for both sexes.)

DEAR ABBY: I am surprising my husband for his 40th birthday with a guys' trip. All of his best friends, except one, live out of state, and one lives out of the country. I am delighted that they are willing to fly in for his birthday. He's going to be so excited.

My dilemma lies in what to do about the hotel costs. I offered to pay for a room for them to share for the weekend. However, one member of the group insists on paying for his share of the room. The others haven't said anything yet.

If they offer to pay for the room, should I let them? Or should I insist on paying because the trip was my idea? I don't want anyone to feel obligated to spend so much money since they are all paying their own airfares, which they insisted on. -- SURPRISED IN THE WEST

DEAR SURPRISED: I'm sure your husband's friends are pleased that you planned the birthday reunion. If they offer to pay for the room they will be sharing, you should let them. However, if anyone does not make the offer, pay his portion.

DEAR ABBY: I have three sisters who won't come to visit me. I am older and their only brother. We are all in our 50s. We all get along great and have no issues.

Seven years ago, I moved away from our hometown in Pennsylvania and bought houses in vacation towns in Colorado and Arizona. I would never see my sisters if I didn't make the trip back home. The problem is, I have an injury that makes traveling very difficult.

Over the last seven years, I have gone back twice. I have offered to pay gas or airfare for them if they'll come visit me, but they always refuse. I have now given up and quit offering.

They are able to travel to see each other on occasion, but not me. I know they enjoy my company as we go jeeping and kayaking, etc. Their kids love me. It's a shame I may never see them again. What should I do? -- BAFFLED BROTHER IN PHOENIX

DEAR BROTHER: I agree it's a shame their reluctance to come to you may mean that you won't see them again. I think the time has come to ask your sisters to level with you about why they manage to visit one another, but won't do the same for you. When you do, "remind" them that although you love them, your health no longer permits you to do all the traveling.

You can't force them to make the effort, and if they are unwilling after that, you may have to accept that this is the way things are and this is how they will remain.

DEAR ABBY: My elderly parents are opposites. Dad is a self-absorbed narcissist with no moral compass. Mom is a Christian woman who is loved by many. When they die, Mom will be missed. When Dad goes, we will mostly feel relief.

Would it be acceptable to have a large, lovely funeral for Mom, giving others the chance to pay their final respects, but for Dad, just a small family service? -- PLANNING AHEAD

DEAR PLANNING: Not only would it be acceptable, it would also be practical since few people pay respects to someone who isn't worthy of respect.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for 57 years. He has been a good provider and helps me often with errands. However, he has one serious failing. He can't keep a secret.

If I tell him something personal and ask him to keep it private, he invariably tells his friends during coffee dates or phone calls. Can you give me any insight about why he does this? I have decided that from now on I'll keep anything I don't want broadcast to myself. -- BLABBERMOUTH'S WIFE

DEAR WIFE: Not knowing your husband, I can't guess why he would betray your confidence. But I do think you have arrived at a wise solution to your problem. He can't shoot off his mouth if he doesn't have the ammunition.