DEAR ABBY: I'm 37 and still single. I have never been able to keep a guy around very long. They have all given me different reasons, but the main theme is that I'm "too independent and better as a friend." I've kept some of my exes as friends, so there haven't been hard feelings.

I have accepted that I'm going to always be alone. I have come to terms with it and made a fairly decent life for myself. My issue is, everyone keeps insisting there's someone out there for me. But when I've asked them to help set me up on dates or introduce me to a friend, they haven't been willing, even though they've done it for others many times.

I "get" that I'm fat and not attractive, so maybe they don't think I'm worthy of dating their guy friends. But how do I get them to stop pushing me to date, especially when they won't help?

I also hate it when they ask me why I'm not a mom yet when I would be such a good one. Uh, hello! It takes two to make a baby!

I have lost friends over this since it's tough to hang around with people who pity me for being solo and can't accept me for who I am. What do I do? -- LONELY, BUT OK

DEAR LONELY: Tell these friends you know they think they are trying to help when they say these things, but the truth is it makes you feel terrible and to please stop.

Next, recognize that the time has come to enlarge your circle of friends. While it's true there may be a special someone out there for you, the chances are slim to none that he'll find you hanging out with this group.

You are by far not the only overweight individual in this great nation of ours, and many of them are happily coupled up. Nobody has everything. People who focus on their positive qualities and make an effort to develop them are attractive. If you stop dwelling on your perceived flaws and work to develop the things you have to offer, the results may surprise you. (This goes for both sexes.)

DEAR ABBY: I am surprising my husband for his 40th birthday with a guys' trip. All of his best friends, except one, live out of state, and one lives out of the country. I am delighted that they are willing to fly in for his birthday. He's going to be so excited.

My dilemma lies in what to do about the hotel costs. I offered to pay for a room for them to share for the weekend. However, one member of the group insists on paying for his share of the room. The others haven't said anything yet.

If they offer to pay for the room, should I let them? Or should I insist on paying because the trip was my idea? I don't want anyone to feel obligated to spend so much money since they are all paying their own airfares, which they insisted on. -- SURPRISED IN THE WEST

DEAR SURPRISED: I'm sure your husband's friends are pleased that you planned the birthday reunion. If they offer to pay for the room they will be sharing, you should let them. However, if anyone does not make the offer, pay his portion.

DEAR ABBY: I have three sisters who won't come to visit me. I am older and their only brother. We are all in our 50s. We all get along great and have no issues.

Seven years ago, I moved away from our hometown in Pennsylvania and bought houses in vacation towns in Colorado and Arizona. I would never see my sisters if I didn't make the trip back home. The problem is, I have an injury that makes traveling very difficult.

Over the last seven years, I have gone back twice. I have offered to pay gas or airfare for them if they'll come visit me, but they always refuse. I have now given up and quit offering.

They are able to travel to see each other on occasion, but not me. I know they enjoy my company as we go jeeping and kayaking, etc. Their kids love me. It's a shame I may never see them again. What should I do? -- BAFFLED BROTHER IN PHOENIX

DEAR BROTHER: I agree it's a shame their reluctance to come to you may mean that you won't see them again. I think the time has come to ask your sisters to level with you about why they manage to visit one another, but won't do the same for you. When you do, "remind" them that although you love them, your health no longer permits you to do all the traveling.

You can't force them to make the effort, and if they are unwilling after that, you may have to accept that this is the way things are and this is how they will remain.

DEAR ABBY: My elderly parents are opposites. Dad is a self-absorbed narcissist with no moral compass. Mom is a Christian woman who is loved by many. When they die, Mom will be missed. When Dad goes, we will mostly feel relief.

Would it be acceptable to have a large, lovely funeral for Mom, giving others the chance to pay their final respects, but for Dad, just a small family service? -- PLANNING AHEAD

DEAR PLANNING: Not only would it be acceptable, it would also be practical since few people pay respects to someone who isn't worthy of respect.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for 57 years. He has been a good provider and helps me often with errands. However, he has one serious failing. He can't keep a secret.

If I tell him something personal and ask him to keep it private, he invariably tells his friends during coffee dates or phone calls. Can you give me any insight about why he does this? I have decided that from now on I'll keep anything I don't want broadcast to myself. -- BLABBERMOUTH'S WIFE

DEAR WIFE: Not knowing your husband, I can't guess why he would betray your confidence. But I do think you have arrived at a wise solution to your problem. He can't shoot off his mouth if he doesn't have the ammunition.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is retired. Except for golf a few times a week, he's home all the time. He has taken to looking at porn a lot when he is home, including pictures and reading racy stories.

When I come home from work, he's on the computer. I'm very uncomfortable with it, and I have told him so. He says I should join him looking at the pictures and reading the stories. Am I a prude or is this behavior unusual? -- TURNED OFF IN HOUSTON

DEAR TURNED OFF: I'm reluctant to label either of you with only the sketchy facts you have presented. Much would depend upon the kind of pictures and stories your husband is viewing, because one person's porn can be another person's erotica. Many couples enjoy viewing it together and consider it to be a marital aid. Perhaps you should look over his shoulder a time or two and see if it works for you. Also, encourage your husband to get out and do other things, so his porn-watching time is not so excessive.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 71-year-old woman living with my 49-year-old single daughter in her house. She works during the day and I stay at home. She expects me to clean the house, walk the dog, work in the garden, do the laundry, make dinner, etc. I am willing to help with these things, but she doesn't seem to appreciate what I do, as is often demonstrated by her comments concerning the amount of noise I make when I eat, my bedroom not being clean enough and my activity level.

She says she's doing this "for my own good," and that I am lazy and unmotivated to do anything but play on my computer (she unplugged the internet because she thought I spent too much time on it). She claims she loves me and wants me to live with her, but I feel I should move out before this gets physical and she hurts more than my feelings. What should I do? -- BOARDER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR BOARDER: Move if you can afford to do it. Your daughter may love you, as I am sure you love her, but the situation you describe isn't healthy for either of you. You are being treated like a servant, not a mother. You are right to be concerned that your daughter's verbal abuse may escalate, because it very well could.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are talking about getting married. We agree that we would like to be married in Las Vegas. However, it would mean excluding our extended families as most of them would not travel. We thought about having a wedding and reception in our state, then traveling to Vegas to be married there as well. Are there any etiquette breaches with this idea? -- VEGAS WEDDING

DEAR VEGAS WEDDING: By the time you get to Vegas you'll be married. While I don't think there would be any etiquette breaches if you want another ceremony, it seems to me that it would be more accurate to call it a "renewal of vows" rather than a second wedding.