life

With Dad out of the Country, Boyfriend Takes on Parenting

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 16th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband's brother split from his wife, "Charlotte," five years ago and now works and lives in another country. The brothers are still quite close. His school-age daughters live nearby and are close to their cousins, our daughters.

Charlotte's latest boyfriend (they have been dating for 18 months) has started insisting on hanging out with my husband and trying to "bond" with him. He is also jumping with both feet into the role of stepfather, especially with the younger daughter, who has just returned after living with her father for the last seven months.

It feels awkward and weird, but we are too polite to say anything to him or Charlotte because we're afraid she'll restrict us from seeing our nieces. What is your advice? -- ANXIOUS IN AUSTRALIA

DEAR ANXIOUS: Not knowing the terms of your brother-in-law's divorce, my advice is to consider that Charlotte has been with this man for a year and a half. He may be trying to form a relationship with your husband because he wants to bond with "the relatives." Your husband doesn't have to be best friends with him, but he should keep the relationship cordial -- not only for the nieces, but also so his brother can stay informed about them.

Marriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Addiction to Vitamins May Be Too Much of a Good Thing

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 16th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have an addiction to vitamin gummies. They say to eat only two a day, but I eat almost half a container a day. They're sooo good.

This has been a problem for five years. What should I do? Do I contact my doctor? I'm about to graduate from high school, and I think my new college friends will think I'm weird if they find out about my gummy addiction. -- LOVES YUMMY GUMMIES IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR LOVES: I am glad you wrote. Your vitamins may taste like candy, but they are not candy. It is important that you discuss this with your doctor. The least of your troubles could be that your college friends make fun of you. What you have been doing is dangerous because it can cause unsafe levels of vitamin A, vitamin E and minerals like iron to reach toxic levels in your system.

TeensAddictionHealth & SafetyWork & School
life

Lions Clubs Offer Help to the Blind and Visually Impaired

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 16th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a suggestion about how to help the child with the broken glasses mentioned in the letter from "Trying to Help in the West" (Feb. 25). I'm a member of Lions Clubs International. Our local club donates the cost of visual screening and free glasses for those in need who seek our help.

The Lions were established in 1917 by a businessman who wanted to start a service club that would help improve communities. The idea quickly spread to other communities and became international.

In 1925, Helen Keller inspired the clubs to become "knights of the blind in the crusade against darkness." Since then, Lions have worked tirelessly to aid blind and visually impaired individuals in the U.S. and all over the world. Services for the boy in the letter should be available in his area, or he can be directed to the closest local Lions Club. -- MEMBER IN WEST LONG BRANCH, N.J.

DEAR MEMBER: Thank you for reminding me -- and my readers -- about the good work the Lions Clubs do. Anyone wanting further information about this worthwhile service organization can find it at www.lionsclubs.org.

Health & Safety
life

Mom Assisting Son's Job Hunt Stymied by Internships

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 15th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My son, a junior in college, is trying to get a summer job. His degree is challenging, and he has a good work ethic plus job experience. Because he hasn't had much luck applying online, I have been calling local businesses to see what's available while he's working hard at school.

A problem I'm encountering is something I never had to deal with in my own job search. It's companies asking if he wants an internship. They say they can't pay him to train him. Can you explain the basis of this response? -- WANTS TO KNOW IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WANTS TO KNOW: The basis may be economic. The companies don't want to spend the money on an intern, particularly one who exhibits such little initiative that his mother has to call to inquire about a job for him. Keep in mind that some internships have been known to lead to permanent positions. Your son may have better luck if he places the calls himself.

Family & ParentingWork & School
life

Sunday Churchgoer Wonders If It's a Sin to Leave Houseguests Home Alone

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 15th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: What is proper when hosting guests from out of state? In a few months, two different relatives will be visiting me separately, each for two weeks. For years it has been my custom to go to church early on Sunday and then to brunch with friends. I don't mind giving up the brunch, but I don't want to miss church for an entire month. (I'm a widow now and I enjoy the fellowship.)

One relative is a non-churchgoer, and the other is a Jehovah's Witness. Neither will attend with me even though I invite them. (I tried that.) How do I handle this? -- CHURCH OR NO CHURCH

DEAR C. OR N.C.: Having houseguests does not mean you are shackled together the entire time they stay with you. Because you have "tried that" and your offer was rejected, they already know you like to attend church.

Handle the situation by telling them you will be going to early services on Sunday and then to brunch with some of the church members afterward. If you're worried about feeding your houseguests, tell them there will be lox, bagels and cream cheese waiting in the fridge when they get up -- something from almost every food group.

Etiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Loving Grandmother Leaves Legacy of 'Yankee Dimes'

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 15th, 2018 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a slightly different version of a "Pennies From Heaven" letter for you.

My darling grandmother would often tell my brother and me she had a "Yankee dime" for us -- which meant a kiss. Not long after her death, I started finding shiny dimes in the strangest places -- under birthday gifts, by the Christmas tree and in my kitchen (which is my happy place). My heart fills as the dimes continue to pile up. I save them all.

If I had a penny for every Yankee dime I got while growing up, I'd be very rich. -- SUZANNE IN OCALA, FLA.

DEAR SUZANNE: You are rich! You were blessed to have had a grandmother who loved you and your brother and demonstrated it every chance she got. What a wonderful legacy to leave behind.

Family & ParentingDeath
life

Serious Video Gamer Gets No Respect for Her Hobby

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 14th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm an avid video game player. My husband and I bond over playing games, reading and talking about them. In fact, in my spare time, I just earned a master's degree in video game culture.

The issue I have is people judge my hobby as "a waste of time" or comment that I should read a book instead. I don't tell them I read a book a week because I shouldn't have to justify what I do with my time. I have a good job and a wonderful, stable marriage, yet people consider me immature because of video games.

Abby, video games are incredible works of art that tell amazing stories and allow players to experience a host of worlds and narratives that can be inspiring. Many people make lifelong friendships through online gaming or learn new skills through educational games.

What can I say to people who dismiss my hobby as a waste while claiming that reading the latest trashy vampire book or going out every Friday and Saturday night to get wasted is "really living"? -- PROUD GAMER GIRL

DEAR PROUD GAMER: A master's degree in video game culture is impressive. People who regard you as lazy or lacking in motivation are ignorant. Video game design has become a well-established industry. In fact, it's akin to the film industry in that the creative process requires an education similar to -- but even more extensive than -- that offered in film schools. Rather than try to convince those who tell you how to spend your time, focus your energy on what works for you and spend less of it around negative individuals.

Etiquette & EthicsMarriage & DivorceWork & School
life

Bully Recognizes She Needs a Filter

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 14th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem: I don't have a mouth filter and haven't since childhood. I bullied people in the past because of how I was bullied and deliberately hurt people to prevent them from hurting me. At work, I did it to the point that a co-worker called me the b-word and threatened to punch me in the mouth if I did it again. I take full responsibility. I deserved it.

Abby, as an adult, I have become meaner and more bitter and hurtful than I was as a child. Please give me some advice because I'm afraid I'm going to be worse in the future. -- GUILTY AND SAD

DEAR GUILTY AND SAD: You are not going to become worse in the future because you now realize you have a serious problem and are willing to do something about it. Awareness is the first step in fixing it. An anger management class could be a good start.

With practice, you can develop a filter. Rather than reflexively lashing out, start consciously cultivating kindness. If you do that, you'll be amazed at how quickly it will grow. Rather than criticize, first ask yourself, "Is what I'm going to say true? Is it helpful? Is it kind?" And if it's not all three -- don't say it.

AbuseMental Health

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