DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for four years. My partner has fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis. When we met, he had just found out. He was still active, working, and we had sex regularly. Fast forward: He is now on disability, not working at all, we rarely sleep together and he never leaves the house. I love him still, but I didn't realize how hard this would be. I know he has a lot to cope with, but it's hard on me as well. I have to work, do most of the chores and beg him to go out. We are only in our mid-20s, and I'm afraid for our future. I feel like I'm already 80 years old. I don't want to leave him, but I also don't want to live this way. Any advice would be helpful. -- BAD DEAL IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR BAD DEAL: What a sad letter. You are both young, with many years ahead of you. You have a difficult decision to make. Because you feel you are not up to the challenge of taking care of a chronically ill individual, it may be time to end the relationship. If you are staying out of obligation or pity, it isn't fair to either of you.

DEAR ABBY: My mom, who is well-endowed, is in the habit of using her bra as a pocket. When we go out, she puts her wallet and change purse inside her left cup and then wears a tight-fitting jersey or tank top. The outline of what she is storing is noticeable. My friends and my sisters have noticed it and ask why she doesn't use a purse like others do. She also sticks her change purse inside her bikini top at the beach, pool or at a relative's cookout.

Mom says it's a convenient and safe place for her money and valuables. On a bus trip, she also stored a camera in there. It drew a few puzzled stares from other travelers. What do you think of this? -- NOT IN THERE, PLEASE

DEAR NOT: I have it on good authority that your mother is not the only woman who uses her bra as a pocket or filing cabinet. If it works for her, and she doesn't mind people asking her why she does it, stop judging her for doing something harmless that seems efficient for her.

DEAR ABBY: Fifteen years ago my sister-in-law and I had a mutual friend, "Barbie," who told me something unflattering about my sister-in-law. My relationship with my sister-in-law has been fractured ever since. I have since severed my relations with this "friend" for numerous other reasons, but Barbie is still good friends with my sister-in-law.

Recently, I have felt that I should let my sister-in-law know how this woman betrayed her friendship by telling me her secret. Should I tell my sister-in-law or leave it alone and let her find out for herself? Seeing her buddy up to this person makes me crazy. -- GOING NUTS IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR GOING NUTS: If a friend of mine leaked personal information about me, I would want to know, wouldn't you? Your sister-in-law is friendly with Barbie because she doesn't know she can't be trusted. Rather than tell your sister-in-law what you were told, approach it this way: "Is it true that ...?" And when she asks where you got such an idea, then tell her it's what Barbie told you.

DEAR ABBY: My elderly father remarried after my mother died two years ago. He married an acquaintance who is 30 years younger at the courthouse with no friends or family in attendance. He told this woman beforehand that there was a large widow's pension he'd paid into for decades that he wanted to give to her by marrying her. She claimed to be in an "unhappy" marriage at the time, and promptly got a divorce.

Well, she and her now-ex have "suddenly started getting along just great," so she decided to continue to live with her ex after her marriage to Dad. Despite agreeing to these terms and because the woman teased him before their marriage, Dad is angry that she still won't have sex with him. Also upsetting is that when they are out socially, his new wife still introduces her ex as her "husband" and Dad as their "friend."

Now we learn, despite assurances during discussions with an attorney prior to the marriage that she would never exercise her rights as a spouse to any other funds or property, she's asking my dad for a monthly allowance so she can retire, since she has no savings.

Abby, do we have any recourse in this situation? Do you think we are right to call my father's marriage fraudulent, and would we be considered accomplices by not reporting it to any authorities before his death? -- STEPDAUGHTER IN REVOLT

DEAR STEPDAUGHTER: You are correct that the "marriage" was fraudulent, and you certainly do have recourse. Your father's lawyer should be consulted immediately to discuss an annulment of this bogus arrangement. Because your father's judgment is so poor, go with him to ensure that no details are left out. Frankly, I think the woman may be guilty of elder abuse, and your father may need a conservator.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in seventh grade. Until recently, I was my usual happy, bubbly self. I saw school as a place to make friends and have more freedom than I did in elementary school. I was always happy and social and made friends easily.

As the months have passed, it seems like, as I look around, everything annoys me. I can't explain why but I have stopped talking to all of my friends for long periods of time. All these terrible emotions build up. I am angry, sad, frustrated. Now everything that has built up inside me comes out at the worst times. I cry a lot and I feel no one understands why.

This may seem like a normal middle-school breakdown that goes away over days, but it's not. People see me crying and think, "Oh no, she's crying for no reason again" or "Why is she crying? What is wrong?" but the thing is I don't know what's wrong with me. At odd moments when I'm alone with my thoughts, these feelings come back, stronger and stronger each time. I can't stop them. Why am I like this? -- ALMOST-TEEN IN TURMOIL

DEAR ALMOST-TEEN: That's a very good question, and one you should ask your parents, because they know you better than I do. The lows you are experiencing may result from the fact that you are maturing and the hormones in your body are changing. However, because you are concerned enough about what's going on to write to me, you may need to be examined by a physician.

If you need help beyond that, the doctor can recommend a referral. I'm glad you wrote. It shows you are an intelligent young lady who recognizes she has a problem and wants to deal with it.

DEAR ABBY: Is there a polite way to refuse giving store clerks personal information? It seems like every time I shop, the clerks demand email, phone number, even birthdate, and they get testy when I say I just want to complete my purchase. I find it so intrusive that I'm tempted to leave the items on the counter and walk out.

On a similar note, how can I politely tell my doctor or dentist that I prefer not to be treated by anyone with cold symptoms? A few days ago, I was at the dentist and the hygienist had a cold. I didn't want to be a complainer, so I didn't say anything because I couldn't find the right words, but I should have. Frankly, I was floored that she hadn't been sent home. Please advise. -- BARBARA IN KENTUCKY

DEAR BARBARA: You are under no obligation to give your private information when making a purchase because, too often, the information winds up on a mailing list that can be sold, and often is. The polite way to refuse is to simply say, "I would prefer not to share that information."

I found your question regarding dental hygienists to be of particular interest because in the dental office I use, the hygienist wears gloves and sometimes a face guard to prevent her from catching something from her patients. Of course, her hands are thoroughly scrubbed before she even picks up an instrument, so the danger of her giving me anything besides a thorough cleaning is practically nil.

Because you are concerned about catching colds, tell your dentist you would prefer to reschedule your appointment if you will be in close contact with anyone in the office who is sick -- and repeat that to his/her receptionist.

DEAR ABBY: At an amusement park recently, I was unable to win the woman I'm dating the oversized stuffed giraffe she desired. I tried valiantly, but winning wasn't in the cards for me. She forgave me, but I'm afraid she harbors more resentment than she let on. Since then her behavior has been peculiar. She emails me pictures of giraffes, stretches her neck to frightening lengths, and got a giraffe tattoo that extends from her wrist to her shoulder.

I know the ability to win a stuffed animal for a lover is a potent measure of a man's worth. My failure has left my masculinity sagging. Is there anything I can do to reaffirm my manhood and salvage my relationship? Or should I troll the avenues of Manhattan in search of a lady whose faith I have not shattered? -- PRIZELESS IN NEW YORK

DEAR PRIZELESS: Do not troll the avenues hunting for a woman you won't disillusion. New York has several zoos; if you take your girlfriend to visit a real, live giraffe, it may raise your standing.

I'm often asked if I can spot a fake letter. So I'm taking the opportunity to wish both of you a happy April Fools' Day! Your tale of woe is about as tall as the giraffe you didn't win for your beloved.

TO MY READERS: A very Happy Easter to you all! -- LOVE, ABBY