DEAR ABBY: I'm hoping you can give me some guidance, as I am a huge fan and read your column regularly. I am a 32-year-old woman whose mother and grandmother told me about our proud Native American heritage all my life. Several years ago, I got a large tattoo in our tribe's language as a way to honor my family.

Recently, Mom did a DNA test and discovered that we are not, in fact, of Native American descent. We feel devastated and betrayed by our parents and grandparents for lying to us for generations. I haven't shared this news with my husband, extended family and friends because I feel so ashamed and humiliated.

I told Mom that I would like to have my tattoo covered up or removed. It upset her and made her feel incredibly guilty. I'm not doing this to hurt her, but because I feel like a fraud and don't want to lie about the tattoo's meaning in the future. Abby, your thoughts on how best to handle this situation? -- TATTED AND CONFUSED

DEAR T and C: Considering the circumstances, I see no reason for continuing to wear a tattoo that would be a constant reminder you were lied to. If your mother deliberately misled you, she has good reason to feel guilty. If she, too, was misled, then she's as much a victim as you are.

My thought is that you are the only person who has to live in your own skin, and you should do with it whatever will make you happy.

DEAR ABBY: For 18 years I was in a loveless marriage. The one good thing that came out of that marriage was my beautiful 14-year-old daughter. My ex-wife and I have been divorced for a year now and I'm feeling emotionally available.

I have met -- or shall I say re-met -- a woman I have known since second grade. She was my sister's best friend and was always around our house growing up. She was kind of like a sister, but I always had a crush on her. Now, so many years later, we have connected. We see each other every few weeks and text each other.

This has been going on for almost a year. My crush has come back, but it is different this time. I feel like I'm falling in love with her. I'm not sure how she feels about me, but we do have an incredible connection. She calls us kindred spirits. And that's where my question lies. How do I take a 45-plus-year friendship out of the friendship zone? Should I tell her how I feel or not? I have tried, but the words just wouldn't come out of my mouth. -- LOST IN FRIENDSHIP

DEAR LOST IN FRIENDSHIP: The words you are looking for are, "I think I'm falling in love with you, and I need to know if you feel the same way." Say that, and the worst that can happen is your friendship of 45-plus years will remain a "kindred spirit" friendship. The best that can happen will be you will hit the jackpot. Speak up!

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18. I started helping to take care of children at the age of 2. I have taken care of them alone since I was 7. Yet every time older people talk about child care, I am rudely excluded from the conversation with comments like, "You don't know what we're talking about. You're not a parent." And, "You're just a kid. You only think you know what you're talking about." I even get these kinds of comments from people who have asked me for advice.

I know it shouldn't bother me, yet it does. After raising my younger siblings by myself and taking care of the house, is it wrong for me to consider myself a parent? -- PRACTICALLY A PARENT

DEAR PRACTICALLY A PARENT: No, in my opinion it isn't. Of this I am certain: You have more parenting experience than the adults who left a 7-year-old caring for her siblings by herself without supervision. According to the law, that qualifies as child neglect and abuse.

DEAR ABBY: I'm almost 30. I have a full-time job, and I'm still going to school. I recently moved back in with my parents to save money on rent so I can be debt-free in a year (I have only my car payment and one small student loan).

Is it considered socially acceptable to be living with my parents at my age? By now should I already be settled in a career? I don't have friends my age inside or out of work, so it's hard for me to find the answers to my questions. I am hoping you can help. -- KELLEY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR KELLEY: Please stop beating yourself up or worrying about what's "socially acceptable." Your reason for moving in with your parents is valid. In another year, you will have achieved your goal.

The success you're trying to attain takes time, not to mention some degree of luck. Accept that becoming established in a career doesn't happen overnight, and allow yourself enough leeway to earn your degree and get on track without being so self-critical.

DEAR ABBY: How do I gracefully ask a bridesmaid to step down? She has been extremely unhelpful and missed all the events in the planning of my wedding. The problem is, she has already bought her dress. What do I do in a situation like this? -- DRESS DILEMMA

DEAR DILEMMA: It depends. Ask yourself (calmly) what will you gain by asking her to step down, and what do you have to lose?

If you are considering it because you plan to replace her, the big day has already been planned and the events are over. Would her replacement be purely decorative? If you want to punish her, understand that because she has paid for her dress there will be hard feelings, and if she's a family member, there will be consequences later. (Frankly, if I were you, I wouldn't toss my bridal bouquet in her direction.)

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law, a mother of four, just had a miscarriage at five months. I have no idea what to say to her or my nieces and nephews. "Sorry" doesn't seem to suffice. Her 6-year-old was ecstatic about the new baby. The family is crushed. My husband (her brother) was in tears, and I didn't know what to say to him either.

I have never been able to easily express my emotions. In emotional situations I just go blank and my mind shuts down. I am always at a loss for words, and I feel like it's disconnecting me from relationships. Any advice? -- WITHOUT WORDS

DEAR WITHOUT WORDS: When people stay silent, it can be mistaken for lack of caring, when sometimes it happens because the emotions are so overwhelming they can't be put into words. So why not just be honest? You don't have to be a poet, but you do have to say something. Because these are your in-laws, who presumably know you, I'm sure it would be appreciated if you simply said, "You know I have trouble expressing my emotions, but please know how sorry I am for your loss."

DEAR ABBY: My cousin's son is 4 and a picky eater. We love to try new restaurants and cuisines. When we go out to eat, she sometimes brings along a PB&J for her child. Is this acceptable? I always feel a little awkward about it, but then I think the restaurant would rather have us come with something he can eat rather than go to a different restaurant. In her defense, she does have him try the restaurant's food before she produces the sandwich. -- AWKWARD DINER

DEAR AWKWARD DINER: I think it's perfectly acceptable. Look at it this way: Which is preferable -- a child with his mouth full of a PB&J sandwich he's enjoying, or one who's loudly complaining that the food is awful and he doesn't want to eat it?