DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law, a mother of four, just had a miscarriage at five months. I have no idea what to say to her or my nieces and nephews. "Sorry" doesn't seem to suffice. Her 6-year-old was ecstatic about the new baby. The family is crushed. My husband (her brother) was in tears, and I didn't know what to say to him either.

I have never been able to easily express my emotions. In emotional situations I just go blank and my mind shuts down. I am always at a loss for words, and I feel like it's disconnecting me from relationships. Any advice? -- WITHOUT WORDS

DEAR WITHOUT WORDS: When people stay silent, it can be mistaken for lack of caring, when sometimes it happens because the emotions are so overwhelming they can't be put into words. So why not just be honest? You don't have to be a poet, but you do have to say something. Because these are your in-laws, who presumably know you, I'm sure it would be appreciated if you simply said, "You know I have trouble expressing my emotions, but please know how sorry I am for your loss."

DEAR ABBY: I've always dreamed about getting a horse, so I saved up all the money I earned as a kid and finally bought one a year ago. I named her "Springtime," and I love her. She's great. But now I am ready to venture out into the world, and I'm forced to make a decision. Do I give her to a loving home with people who have more time to spend with her, so I can go to college and move to a different state with my boyfriend, who has two years left in the Marine Corps? Or do I keep her and stay at the job I have now and keep doing what I do?

Please give me some advice because, right now, I have no one else to help me with this decision, and it's a hard one. -- KELSEA IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR KELSEA: I know it's a hard decision to make, but right now your priority must be to finish your education. Start by asking around the "horse community" if someone would be interested in buying Springtime and can give her a good home. Also put the word out at the stable where you have been boarding her. Your veterinarian may also be able to offer you helpful suggestions. However, if they can't help you, contact a horse rescue group to find a safe home for your horse. I wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: My cousin's son is 4 and a picky eater. We love to try new restaurants and cuisines. When we go out to eat, she sometimes brings along a PB&J for her child. Is this acceptable? I always feel a little awkward about it, but then I think the restaurant would rather have us come with something he can eat rather than go to a different restaurant. In her defense, she does have him try the restaurant's food before she produces the sandwich. -- AWKWARD DINER

DEAR AWKWARD DINER: I think it's perfectly acceptable. Look at it this way: Which is preferable -- a child with his mouth full of a PB&J sandwich he's enjoying, or one who's loudly complaining that the food is awful and he doesn't want to eat it?

DEAR ABBY: My husband, Tom, and I have three kids: One is in college, the next is in grade school and the youngest is a baby. I'm a full-time medical student, and he's a professional athlete.

From the outside, it would seem like we have a perfect life. In reality, Tom does his own thing. He attends parties, goes to exciting social events and hobnobs with the rich and famous. I am left at home to manage all of our day-to-day responsibilities and socially restricted to family functions or kid sports.

I would like to be included in the invitations and attend some of the fun activities with my husband, but when I ask him if I can go, he says they are "work-related." So I end up staying home to care for our kids. He thinks I should be happy with this and says I don't understand his business responsibilities.

I'd really like the chance to interact with other adults with my husband, but I can't seem to get him to appreciate the importance of including me. If I make a big deal about it, he opts not to attend the event at all. I'm slightly suspicious of his behavior and offended. He's kind to me, a good provider and cares for our kids, but how can I get him to understand it's important for both of us to have fun together with other adults? -- SPORTS WIFE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SPORTS WIFE: A wife is supposed to be more than a baby machine, housekeeper and nanny. She's supposed to be her husband's partner. While I understand there may be some events the athletes attend without spouses, it would be interesting to know whether the other athletes' wives are being treated the way you are. Surely you know some of them. Talk to the ones you are closest with. Your husband may not have been entirely honest about why he insists on flying solo, so make it your business to do some checking.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the proud grandmother of an 18-month-old girl. My daughter is an attentive mother in every way except one. My concern is that she lets the baby play alone in the bathtub.

My husband and I recently celebrated my birthday at her house. When I asked where the baby was, another guest said, "She's playing in the bathtub." Sure enough, the baby was in the bathroom, in the bathtub, playing and swimming around in the water by herself. I was horrified! I can't imagine that times have changed this much or that it could ever be OK to leave a baby unattended in the bath, no matter their dexterity or ability to walk.

I spent the next day in a panic, sending my daughter stories, news articles and other information, trying to get across to her how dangerous this is, but she didn't want to hear it. Do you have some magic words for me? -- GRANDMOTHER IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR GRANDMOTHER: Babies have been known to drown in as little as 2 inches of water. Your clueless daughter may not want to hear it, but what you have described is child endangerment. The magic words you are asking for are: "parenting classes." And if she still won't listen, some other good ones are: "Child Protective Services."

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife for 10 years. We have two beautiful daughters and have always had a great relationship.

Last month I was invited to go on a trip overseas and was hesitant about asking my wife. Once I did, she immediately said yes and told me to have a good time on the trip. She recently chose a career in the military and is away from home now.

While I was in Europe, I had three affairs and, at the time, enjoyed them. But Abby, this is not the man I am! I always maintained that I'd never, ever do something like that, and I'm still in shock that I did. My excuse at the time was that I was used to having a woman around me, and that I was compensating for my wife's absence. While that's no excuse, I have been dealing with my guilt by shedding tears because I love my wife so much.

Should I tell her what I did? I know it will never happen again, and I don't want her to resent me. Some people have told me not to say anything, while others say I should. What should I do? -- HURTING HUSBAND

DEAR HURTING HUSBAND: I don't know how many people you have confided in about this besides me, but the larger the number, the greater the chances are of word getting back to your wife about what happened in Europe.

Because what happens in Europe doesn't always stay in Europe, unlike Las Vegas, the first thing you should do is be tested for STDs to guarantee you didn't bring an unwanted "souvenir" home with you. If you are clean, discuss this with your religious adviser, if you have one. Justify it however you may wish, but what you did in Europe was a moral failure.

Because of her military career, your wife may have to be absent for various periods of time. How would you feel if the situation was reversed and she had numerous affairs while she was gone? It may be time for both of you to recommit to each other if your marriage is to survive. And the place to start is to be honest with each other, but not while your wife is deployed.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's 45-year-old sister-in-law recently got a boob job. She's a professional woman who used to be very conservative. Now she comes to family dinners wearing clingy low-cut shirts that leave little to the imagination. (Once she almost fell into the paella.)

My husband, teenage sons and I are uncomfortable. Does she want us to comment on them? She clearly wants them noticed, based on her attire. I'd ask her to cover up, but is that appropriate? She is very easily offended. If I do, it will likely be our last conversation. -- EMBARRASSED IN MONTANA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: While it would be nice if you could talk to your sister-in-law about this, because you can't, I'll offer another solution: When she's coming for dinner, crank the thermostat way down. And if she indicates that she's chilly, offer her a sweater. Problem solved.