DEAR ABBY: My husband, Tom, and I have three kids: One is in college, the next is in grade school and the youngest is a baby. I'm a full-time medical student, and he's a professional athlete.

From the outside, it would seem like we have a perfect life. In reality, Tom does his own thing. He attends parties, goes to exciting social events and hobnobs with the rich and famous. I am left at home to manage all of our day-to-day responsibilities and socially restricted to family functions or kid sports.

I would like to be included in the invitations and attend some of the fun activities with my husband, but when I ask him if I can go, he says they are "work-related." So I end up staying home to care for our kids. He thinks I should be happy with this and says I don't understand his business responsibilities.

I'd really like the chance to interact with other adults with my husband, but I can't seem to get him to appreciate the importance of including me. If I make a big deal about it, he opts not to attend the event at all. I'm slightly suspicious of his behavior and offended. He's kind to me, a good provider and cares for our kids, but how can I get him to understand it's important for both of us to have fun together with other adults? -- SPORTS WIFE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SPORTS WIFE: A wife is supposed to be more than a baby machine, housekeeper and nanny. She's supposed to be her husband's partner. While I understand there may be some events the athletes attend without spouses, it would be interesting to know whether the other athletes' wives are being treated the way you are. Surely you know some of them. Talk to the ones you are closest with. Your husband may not have been entirely honest about why he insists on flying solo, so make it your business to do some checking.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the proud grandmother of an 18-month-old girl. My daughter is an attentive mother in every way except one. My concern is that she lets the baby play alone in the bathtub.

My husband and I recently celebrated my birthday at her house. When I asked where the baby was, another guest said, "She's playing in the bathtub." Sure enough, the baby was in the bathroom, in the bathtub, playing and swimming around in the water by herself. I was horrified! I can't imagine that times have changed this much or that it could ever be OK to leave a baby unattended in the bath, no matter their dexterity or ability to walk.

I spent the next day in a panic, sending my daughter stories, news articles and other information, trying to get across to her how dangerous this is, but she didn't want to hear it. Do you have some magic words for me? -- GRANDMOTHER IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR GRANDMOTHER: Babies have been known to drown in as little as 2 inches of water. Your clueless daughter may not want to hear it, but what you have described is child endangerment. The magic words you are asking for are: "parenting classes." And if she still won't listen, some other good ones are: "Child Protective Services."

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife for 10 years. We have two beautiful daughters and have always had a great relationship.

Last month I was invited to go on a trip overseas and was hesitant about asking my wife. Once I did, she immediately said yes and told me to have a good time on the trip. She recently chose a career in the military and is away from home now.

While I was in Europe, I had three affairs and, at the time, enjoyed them. But Abby, this is not the man I am! I always maintained that I'd never, ever do something like that, and I'm still in shock that I did. My excuse at the time was that I was used to having a woman around me, and that I was compensating for my wife's absence. While that's no excuse, I have been dealing with my guilt by shedding tears because I love my wife so much.

Should I tell her what I did? I know it will never happen again, and I don't want her to resent me. Some people have told me not to say anything, while others say I should. What should I do? -- HURTING HUSBAND

DEAR HURTING HUSBAND: I don't know how many people you have confided in about this besides me, but the larger the number, the greater the chances are of word getting back to your wife about what happened in Europe.

Because what happens in Europe doesn't always stay in Europe, unlike Las Vegas, the first thing you should do is be tested for STDs to guarantee you didn't bring an unwanted "souvenir" home with you. If you are clean, discuss this with your religious adviser, if you have one. Justify it however you may wish, but what you did in Europe was a moral failure.

Because of her military career, your wife may have to be absent for various periods of time. How would you feel if the situation was reversed and she had numerous affairs while she was gone? It may be time for both of you to recommit to each other if your marriage is to survive. And the place to start is to be honest with each other, but not while your wife is deployed.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's 45-year-old sister-in-law recently got a boob job. She's a professional woman who used to be very conservative. Now she comes to family dinners wearing clingy low-cut shirts that leave little to the imagination. (Once she almost fell into the paella.)

My husband, teenage sons and I are uncomfortable. Does she want us to comment on them? She clearly wants them noticed, based on her attire. I'd ask her to cover up, but is that appropriate? She is very easily offended. If I do, it will likely be our last conversation. -- EMBARRASSED IN MONTANA

DEAR EMBARRASSED: While it would be nice if you could talk to your sister-in-law about this, because you can't, I'll offer another solution: When she's coming for dinner, crank the thermostat way down. And if she indicates that she's chilly, offer her a sweater. Problem solved.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married 14 years and have two children. The first three years of marriage were great. We both cared for and respected each other. As our children grew older and our jobs have become more demanding, my husband has changed about how he views our sex life.

After our third year of marriage, my husband started raping me. No one knows this except an ex-sister-in-law.

At first, I didn't understand what was really happening. He was forceful and wouldn't take no for an answer. I went along with it at first, thinking I wasn't giving him enough attention and was doing the "wifely duty." But over the years it has become worse -- ripping my clothing off and holding me down.

I have told him it's not OK, but if I speak up, it leads to a fight. He says I don't show him I care for him and we don't have sex enough, so this is his way of getting it.

Abby, I have lost respect for the man I married. I no longer want to be intimate with him, because he doesn't respect me or my body. The only reason I have stayed this long is for my children. Is there hope in him changing? -- SLEEPING ON THE COUCH

DEAR SLEEPING ON THE COUCH: Ripping a spouse's clothing off and holding her (or him) down is not foreplay; it is spousal rape and a form of domestic abuse. It is a crime in all 50 states. The level of hostility in your home isn't healthy for you or your children, who may grow up thinking it is normal.

Because your husband may become violent if you tell him the marriage is over, contact RAINN -- (800) 656-4673; rainn.org -- and let them help you form a safe escape plan. It is not normal for a man to treat a woman the way your husband has. He is unlikely to change, and you need to look out for yourself and the children.

DEAR ABBY: My wife is in her 30s. She's a beautiful woman and a wonderful mother to our three children, and my soul mate. We've been married 10 years. She has many qualities I love and admire, but also one that causes me serious concern: her slouchy posture. She slouched a little when we married, but her posture has worsened dramatically since then.

We have spent thousands of dollars on personal trainers, massage and chiropractic. When we (infrequently) quarrel, she unconsciously slouches more, which drives me crazy. She's willing to see professional medical practitioners, but is unwilling to accept any responsibility for it. I can't bring it up without her getting bristly and defensive, but it's getting worse every year. It's also taking a toll on our relationship. I'd appreciate any advice you could share. -- DESPERATE FOR STRAIGHT TALK

DEAR DESPERATE: If your wife's posture is the only thing about her that causes you "serious concern," you are a lucky man. Believe me when I tell you I have been told far worse.

Correcting one's posture takes constant vigilance and determination. It's not easy, and not everyone is able to manage it. Slouching is a defensive posture, and if she slouches even more when you raise the subject, it may have something to do with the way you're doing it.