DEAR ABBY: I am a 53-year-old woman who has finally met a kind, decent man after many abusive relationships. I honor our bond and have been open about my past, which has been colorful, to say the least.

I was an addict. It was a long addiction that left me homeless and almost killed me many times. I have kept this part of my life a secret from everyone out of shame and fear of judgment. I would love to be open about it with him and let him know how much drugs affected me, but I don't want to drive him away. Any advice is appreciated. -- EX-ADDICT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR EX-ADDICT: In one sentence you say you have been open about your past; in the next you say you are keeping your addiction and what it cost you a secret. You don't say how long you have known this man, or whether you plan to make this relationship permanent. If you do, you should tell him about your entire past because, if he finds out some other way, that is what could cause him to end the relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my family. I am a woman in my 60s who does not and never has driven a car or any other vehicle. My older sister and brother think I have leprosy because I don't drive. How can I, or anyone in the same position as I am, get through to them that not everyone drives, and that those of us who don't or can't are like anyone else on this planet? -- NOT BEHIND THE WHEEL

DEAR NOT BEHIND THE WHEEL: Please clip this and share it with your sister and brother. Not everyone drives or aspires to. Some people are phobic about getting behind the wheel. Others recognize they are not good at it, while still others can't afford a car. Unless you have been imposing upon your relatives for transportation, they should not be critical of your choice.

My late mother was a nondriver. She quit after skidding into the back of a coal truck during a Wisconsin winter. I'll never forget it because it left me with a scar on my knee when it hit the air-conditioning vent. Viewed from my perspective, she made the right choice, and so have you. It's a wise person who knows their limitations.

DEAR ABBY: This may seem minor in the scheme of things, but it's driving me crazy. Occasionally we have a potluck day at work. The problem is, while there are always people who eat, others never bring food to share. It's usually the men in our office -- those who hold higher positions and make far more money than the rest of us. They are also the ones who eat the most. They go back for seconds before the rest of us have eaten. If they do occasionally bring anything, it's usually a bag of chips.

I'm tired of paying for their lunches when they are more than capable of providing something -- takeout from a deli or even asking their wives to help. I'm also tired of going to get my lunch and discovering most of the food is already gone. I would welcome your advice or any tips your readers may have. -- FED UP IN DES MOINES

DEAR FED UP: Try this: Assign a list of what people need to bring to the potluck so there won't be duplication. And when you do, specify that only those who participate can eat the food.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a disabled middle-aged woman, married for 15 years. From the beginning, there was never much passion between my husband and me, but we're friends. I'm now becoming less able to go out and do things, and I will eventually be wheelchair-bound. I want to leave him so he can find someone who is able to do things with him.

I actually did it at one point. I moved into a cheap mobile home, but he sold the house and followed me. He's a loving husband, but he is messy. I exhaust myself picking up after him, and two months after moving into another house, the entire garage and basement cannot be walked through.

I really think what I want is to live alone in a simple, clean apartment. He -- and others -- tell me I need him and I'm nuts to live alone on Social Security when I could stay in this nice house. I'm just so tired all the time, and cleaning up after him is torture physically. Should I stay or should I go? -- EXHAUSTED IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR EXHAUSTED: Although you didn't say it directly, your messy husband may be a hoarder. If that's the case, whether you stay or live elsewhere may depend upon his getting help for it -- not to mention getting the garage and basement cleared out.

Obviously, your husband loves you or he wouldn't have followed you when you moved into the mobile home. Do not divorce him because you feel guilty about not being well. He may need you as much as you need him. If picking up after him is too tiring, then it may be time to get someone in periodically to clean.

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away last year after a six-year struggle with Alzheimer's. It was a long and heartbreaking time for me. I have two sons, but they don't live close. I see them and their families only a few times a year. I have pretty much been alone since my husband's diagnosis. I have friends -- all couples -- but going out with them isn't comfortable. It's a very lonely life.

I recently met a nice man who is divorced with no children. He has asked me to dinner. My problem is that he is 20 years younger. He says age doesn't matter to him, but I don't want to look like an old fool. (I'm 84.) We communicate by phone or email. I have not told anyone about this.

We have so much in common -- we like the same foods, same kind of music and other things. I have always taken care of myself, and no one can believe my age. I'm not looking for marriage, but it would be nice to have someone to have dinner with, and good conversation. I love to play golf, and so does he. Am I being foolish? -- LONG TIME LONELY

DEAR LONG TIME LONELY: No. Unless you have a "sell by" date stamped on your forehead, you should not preoccupy yourself with the difference in your ages. You say you aren't looking for marriage, so why not have an enjoyable time and see if a relationship evolves? You will have a happier life once you stop worrying about what other people may -- or may not -- think. It's called living your life.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a stay-at-home mom with three children -- all in school. We recently had security cameras installed around our house. However, my husband has taken to using them to monitor everything I do throughout the day. He will say things like, "What took so long to go to the dry cleaner?" or, "Why did you go outside at 11 a.m.?" I feel like a prisoner in my home! What should I do? -- NO PRIVACY IN THE EAST

DEAR NO PRIVACY: What your husband is doing is controlling and, frankly, creepy. This is what insecure abusers do to their significant others. Tell him you do not have to account to him for every minute of your day, and that he should be doing more important things with his time than monitoring you. And then insist the two of you get counseling. Do it now.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a healthy 30-year-old woman living in Los Angeles. A close friend just had a baby. I'm planning to visit her, but she is demanding that before I do I get vaccinated (the Tdap). I didn't think much of it, but another friend thinks that's a tall order. She says why can't I just wash my hands and use hand sanitizer like everyone else? Do you think this is an appropriate request, or is my other friend overreacting? -- OLD SCHOOL

DEAR OLD SCHOOL: The Tdap vaccine is important because it protects against tetanus, diphtheria and pertussis (whooping cough). It is usually given only once in a person's lifetime, with booster shots every 10 years. Unless otherwise indicated by a health care professional, everyone over the age of 19 who has never received this vaccine should have it.

Yes, I do think the mother's request is appropriate, and your other friend is overreacting. If you prefer not to do it, you always have the option of waiting to visit until after the baby begins the DTaP series of vaccinations.

DEAR ABBY: A boy (also a junior in high school) asked me to a school dance a couple of weeks ago. He's kind, funny, does great in school. I really like him, and I think he likes me, but since the dance, nothing has happened! The problem, I think, is that he is Mormon.

I am fine with his religion. I am Jewish and not very religious, but I'm not planning to convert. We have talked about this together, and I'm afraid that his parents and/or religion won't permit him to have a relationship with me. What are the rules about dating when you are Mormon? Is he not allowed to date me, or is he just shy? -- DON'T KNOW IN TEXAS

DEAR DON'T KNOW: I'm not an expert on the Mormon religion, so I took your question to my "Mormon connection," Allen Bergin, Ph.D. After I read him your letter, he asked me to assure you that the boy is just shy. Be patient, and you'll probably hear from him around the time of the next dance.

TO MY IRISH READERS: Happy St. Patrick's Day.

May there always be work for your hands to do.

May your purse always hold a coin or two.

May the sun always shine on your windowpane.

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain.

May the hand of a friend always be near you.

May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.